Top 10 Tuesdays 11: Waiting for the cable guy.

We’ve all been there.. they say they’re going to show up “between the hours of 10am, and 4pm.”  They don’t show up until 6pm.  What can you do though?  You have to take a day off work, you have to clear your schedule, and you have to sit there and wait.  I hate waiting, I am impatient and will find things to do whenever I have to wait for ANY utility guy to find the time between their 4 lunch breaks a day to stop by my house and do their overcomplicated version of flipping a switch.

Whether you’re waiting for cable, internet, phone, water, locksmiths, blacksmiths, swordsmiths, Ms. Smith, or the pizza guy, there’s a game you can play to bide your time.  Ten games, really.

The top 10 vids to play while waiting for [insert “guy” here]

#10.  Strider  (NES)

This game.. whoa boy, this game.  This game is to be played only by the hardest of the hardcore.  I put this game on this list because it will literally take you from 10am until 4pm, just to figure out what the hell the point of the game is.  It is a time-waster to say the least.  I can’t get past the first level.  To be fair though, I’ve only tried it in 5-10 minute spurts.  But if you have to take a day off of work, why not try and beat a game that only like 4 people in the world have ever beaten?  Go big, or go home, that’s what I always say.

#9.  YO! NOID  (NES)

Do you remember this God-awful marketing campaign excreted by Domino’s in the ’80’s & ’90’s?  Let me refresh your memory…

Well in 1990, Domino’s commissioned Nintendo into selling us a commercial that was exactly one Nintendo game in length.  Don’t worry though, other companies did it too.

This game just needs to be played.  I recently bought a copy on eBay for $2.43.  Yup, buy it now: $1, shipping: $1.43.  You play as the Noid, obviously and the point of the game is: hell-if-I-know.  Get it, play it, live it, love it, that’s what I say.

#8.  Ms. Pacman  (system varies)

 

I can’t say anything about this game that hasn’t already been said.  It’s an instant classic and and almost impossible to beat.  But it sure is fun to play though.  In the same stride as…. well, as Strider, if you’re going to get some time off work you can either get really good at a really bad game, or you get really good at a classic game that might get you into the video game hall of fame.

 

#7.  Milon’s Secret Castle  (NES)

 

This game goes along with the same theme as Strider.  By the time you figure out what in the world to do, your cable will be turned on.  It’s pretty cryptic and I even tried to beat this game.. let me rephrase that.  I tried to understand this game a few times growing up, until I saw this video:

Mr. Rolfe is a master at explaining all these horrible games, and this review is by far one of my favorites, if not my favorite.  Check out that video, take some notes, and play this game.

#6.  BattleTanx – Global Assault  (PS1)

I’ll be honest, I recently reacquired this game after about 10 years of not thinking about it at all.  It’s really great, and there are actually objectives!  Give it a try.

 

#5.  Taz-Mania  (Genesis)

Maybe this is the little kid in me, but I can play any Looney Toons game all day long.  I remember watching Looney Toons all the time back in the day, and I remember watching them with my father.  All of those memories I have with him make me a little nostalgic, which is why I love these games so much.  Taz wasn’t my favorite, by any means, but this is definitely better than Bugs bunny’s Birthday blowout, or anything like that.  If you’re like me, you can waste at least 2 hours of your day on this game.  And what better time to do it than when you have to wait on someone?

 

#4.  Commando  (NES)

Based on the Schwarzenegger film by the same name, equally as entertaining whilst being equally as overrated, corny and intelligible.  ONLY play this game if you have the NES advantage.  The arcade/joystick controller, for those not in the know.  Even better than that, though, is if you play the game on a console called the FC TWIN.  You can use the super ninteno controllers on that system and you can get the SNES advantage!  Waaay better + way cooler = more time you can kill before you get to watch House again.

 

#3.  Clayfighter  (SNES)

This game is for when you get into hour 4 of your wait.  There’s no end in sight, and you’ve already tried all of the other games on the list, and it all just made you more frustrated than ever.  Therefore it’s time to take out some aggression.  With this Mortal Kombatesque style fighting game, you will relieve your tension, and have a little fun in doing so.  The characters are a little “out-there” and cartooney.  They have special moves that are absolutely hysterical, and it’s just an enjoyable game.

Side Note: Clayfighter truly is a hidden gem in the SNES library.  I don’t remember it being all too popular when the SNES was the system to have, but it’s certainly gained a lot of popularity since the retro systems have come back around.  It’s definitely worth checking out.

 

#2.  Turok Dinosaur Hunter  (N64)

In the same vein as Clayfighter, this game is ranked at my #2 because of how fun it is running around a prehistoric jungle shanking people & beasts who are literally hunting you.  Hopefully the adrenaline rush you get when things pop out from behind the mist of a waterfall come at you full force, and try to kill you while you have only nanoseconds to react will pass the time quite nicely.  Just try not to scream like a little girl too much, you’ll freak out the cable guy (if he ever gets there).

 

And I can’t believe I’m putting this one on a list.  I promised myself I wouldn’t do this, but…

 

The Winner and #1.  DDRMAX: Dance Dance Revolution  (PS2)

Whip this one out when you see the work van pulling up outside.  Then strip naked and go at it full throttle.  It’s best if you have someone else there to answer the door.  You want the cable guy to see this happening.  Why, you ask?  Because if you have to sit around the house, lose a days pay, and feel like an awkward idiot all day, then the cable guy should feel like an awkward idiot as well.

That is all… see you by the DDR pad, I’ll be the guy with no pants on.

The Jester.

*All images and videos are property of their respective owners and may be subject to copyright laws.  Images obtained through Google Image Search.  Videos obtained through Youtube search and/or Cinemassacre.com*

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