Archive for April, 2011

Nerdy Monday 23: A Tribute to the Sega flops.

Posted in 1990's, Cinemassacre/James Rolfe, Dreamcast (Long Live the...!), Nerdy Monday, Retro, Video Game on April 12, 2011 by Divide By Zero

There are some video game systems sought after by collectors now for being huge failures.  There are many, but I’m going to focus on the 3 that I’ve had the most contact with.  So let’s get right down to it with…

The Sega Saturn:

Flop.

This system made its debut back in 1995, and was discontinued 3 short, disappointing years later.  It was hugely popular in Japan, but never reached anything substantial in America because of the debut of the Sony Playstation, and one of my personal all time favorites, the Nintendo 64.  It came out as a 32-bit system, which was pretty cool at the time, I guess, but it took too long to develop, and Nintendo’s N64 was released in 1996 with DOUBLE THE BITS! Therefore twice the graphics.  I mean, the Sony Playstation was released a year before the Saturn as a 32-bit system and somehow that even looked a lot better on screen.  not to mention the controls were more fluid, and the games were a lot more enjoyable.  Speaking of controls…

What the hell is this?!

I bought my Saturn on eBay for $3.24 with $3.00 shipping.  It came with all the hook-ups, a controller, and a game.  And I still believe to this day I got ripped off.  The games are shoddy at best, and it just makes me want to play something that at least has some semblance of a video game.

Rating: -3 Stars.  Horrible.

The Sega 32x:


How do you turn a 16-bit system into a 32-bit system?  You build an add on for it that makes no sense whatsoever!  The 32x plugs into the top of a Sega Genesis as if it were a game.  Then you have to run a special cable from the back of the Genesis to the back of the 32x.  THEN you have to run an a/v cable from the 32x to the TV, and STILL the 32x has it’s own ac adapter that has to be plugged into the wall.  The Genesis also has to be plugged in.  Why so many cables?  This should have been its own system.  I think James Rolfe explains it best, please give this video a watch:

Rating: One half star.  There may have been one or two cool games.

The Sega Dreamcast:


Okay, this one wasn’t really a flop.  In fact it has its own cult-like following and is getting more and more home made or “homebrewed” games on it every week.  Check out http://www.dcisozone.com to see if I’m lying.  I love this system and the many, many games it has on it. It’s fabulous, and worth every penny of the $20 (or so) you’ll spend on it.  And the games that you download and burn are perfectly legal to (or so I’ve heard, I am not liable for what you do) burn.  Sega isn’t making any money on it.. no one is making any money on it anymore, so why would anyone care?

Rating: 4 Stars, shouldn’t have been a flop.

The Sega CD:

Remember this thing?  How awful was it?  See how fast it takes you to download an emulator for this system in its entirety, and tell me it isn’t a pile of poop.  At the time, it was innovative and made it able to have movies segway from one scene in the game to the next instead of a series of text boxes.  That didn’t make the games any better though.  Like all of the other Sega flops, namely the Saturn, the controls were crappy, and it made you want to maim yourself with your controller… or at the very least strangle someone else with the cord.

This is the abomination you had if you had both the 32x and the CD attachment.

Rating:  -1 Star… it doubled as a CD player!

Overall though, Sega is still a widely successful company, even if Nintendo had to put them in their place back around 1999 or so.  It remains to be the biggest 3rd party contractor to Nintendo and comes up with almost half of the 3rd party designed games.  Way to go Sega…  I hope you jump back into the hardware market soon!

 

There will be another installment of flops, next week.

The jester.

 

*All images and videos are property of their respective owners and may be subject to copyright laws.  All images obtained through Google Image Search.  All videos obtained through Youtube Search.*

Followup to my Craigslist Post

Posted in Craigslist, Downtown Bristol, Local, Modern, PS2, PS3, Video Game on April 12, 2011 by Divide By Zero

I apologize for not posting articles in a timely manner as I should have been doing.  But I am not skipping any, I am sticking to the schedule I had made up months ago.  Except for this article, I changes what it was going to be.  A number of weeks ago, I posted an article complaining about people who are trying to rip other people off on craigslist.  I didn’t think I’d have a lot of responses to it, but people in my area (and across the nation) have been flooding my inbox with complaints about my.. complaint.  I think it’s because I sometimes promote my blog on the local news pages of Craigslis *snicker*, as well as have it featured on tricities.com.  So everyone out there in my locale who is a craigslist user can read it.  Let’s see what they had to say:

“ur such a whiney complainey moron! i hope you were one of the people from clist that i ripped off in kingsport!” ~Mandy from Johnson City

Well, Mandy.. where do I begin?  I wasn’t whining, at least if I were I’d be able to spell the word “whiny” when describing myself.  And I wouldn’t have to make up words like “complainey”, then I’d be a moron.  And notice how she says: “one of the people…I ripped off”.  So she was definitely one of the people I was trying to lecture to in my last post.  Who’s next?

“why are you such a b**** dude? its just ppl trying to make a buck.” ~Dave from Asheville

I agree, dude.  But buyer beware, I think that if people were more interested and knowledgeable of the value of what they’re trying to acquire was, then stuff like this wouldn’t happen.  That was one of my intentions of writing my post (hereafter referred to as The Letter), to bring awareness.

“But I have over 55 games that im seling with my ps2, that makes it worth at least $150 moer!” ~Toad from Abingdon

Negative, Ghost Rider.  Head to GameStop and see how much they give you for your “over 55 games” (read: 56 games).  You would be extremely lucky to walk out of there with 60 extra dollars, depending on your collection.  Asking more than double that is just stupid.  Like your face.

“just bc u’ve been burned b4 on the clist doesnt mean ereyone is gettin burned” ~Byrne from Johnson City

How do you use an apostrophe in (not even really) a word like “u’ve” but you don’t in “doesn’t”.  Come on man, step your grammar and punctuation up.  And this is the second time people have called it “the clist”.  What is a clist?  Do you want to slang the word “Craigslist”?  Then there has to be a hyphen in there.  The C-List.  I can see that.  But poor rhetoric aside, Mr. Byrne does have a point.  Just because one person gets burned, doesn’t mean everyone is out to burn someone (Mandy).  I am fortunate enough to not have been burned on Craigslist yet.  Although, I have only made one purchase off of it.

“u need to kwit wit all dis bull**** man what give u da rite to preach like you now sumthin? i do all my business on craig list and i nevur rip no bady off” ~Phil from Damascus

Don’t send your kids to school in Damascus.

All I was trying to say to everyone is that their old video games are not worth what they think they are.  There’s no way you’re going to trade an original XBox for a PS3, even if you have all the games and extras ever made for it.  If you do, give me that persons contact info, I have a few XBox’s I’m trying to get rid of.

There are many many more e-mails I could post up here, but I don’t see any point in it.  I really wasn’t trying to stir the pot of the online Craigslist community.  Just seriously think about a trade, or a purchase before you buy from someone online.  I know it’s been said about a trillion times.  It should be common sense by now, but still people get tricked into every kind of scam.  It saddens me a little bit.

Stay tuned for next week’s Outback Chronicles!

The Jester.

Top 10 Tuesdays 16: T.V Shows

Posted in Modern, T.V. shows, Top 10 Tuesdays on April 12, 2011 by Divide By Zero

If You’re like me, there’s nothing better than coming home from work, getting a hot shower, something good to eat, kicking your feet up, and flipping on the tube just in time for your favorite shows to come on.  There are a million different T.V. shows out there, but I’m going to count down my favorite 10 non-animated T.V. shows.  Your list may differ a little bit, but when your blog grows up big and strong like mine, you can go ahead and write your own list.

#10.  Breaking Bad


This show is just awesome.  Malcom in the Middle’s dad and some other little punk kid start making a ton of bank by cooking crystal meth.  There are all kinds of twists and turns, and it just shows you what a slippery slope dealing drugs is.  There are all kinds of close calls, and it doesn’t help that the main guy’s brother-in-law is a head honcho in the DEA.  It’s full of drama, and 95% of the time will keep you on the edge of your seat.  Give it a watch.

#9.  Pawn Stars


I absolutely love, love, love the History Channel.  Before you can say anything to the effect of “But Jester, this isn’t a real history show!” let me explain something.  Yes, there are a lot of documentaries on the History Channel that I watch.  The rise and fall of the Roman Empire, Nazi Secrets and the Occult, anything on the Civil War or WWI always catch my interest.  But rarely do they have a series of documentaries that will catch (and hold) my interest.  Pawn Stars is a break from all of that, which has entertaining characters and scenarios, and also offers a little bit of history of its own.  I know this isn’t your average pawn shop.  I grew up in Northern Virginia, and there were pawn shops a plenty.  There was one man who lived across the street from one of my best friends at the time who owned 3 pawn shops.  This man had more awesome cars than he knew what to do with.  He had 2 Shelby Cobras that he competitively raced, an old mustang that had toeasily be worth 100 grand, I saw a few Corvettes (new and vintage) in his driveway a time or two, and I’m pretty sure there was a yellow Ferrari there for a little while.  So the pawn business must have been pretty good to him.  But I’ve been inside 2 of his shops, and it was mostly used electronics, jewelry, archery bows, and modern pistols and hunting rifles.  He had a small section of car stereos and heavy duty tools, but there wasn’t much more than that.  The Pawn Stars make me want to go to Vegas and buy something out of their shop just to say I’ve been there.  Also, I like the idea of becoming a celebrity (however small) over your own family business, it’s a great sign of success.  Another perfect example of that is American Choppers.  Anyways, I love this show because the information you learn about each individual piece that comes into the shop.  Did you know that Evil Kinevel’s first motorcycle was a Harley that he stole when he was 13?  Pawn Stars taught me that.

#8.  House


I used to love watching medical dramas with my father.  I’d wake up at all hours of the afternoon and he’d be watching Forensic Files, Dr. G: Medical Examiner, or anything on Discovery Health.  I turned my dad onto watching House and he made it a point to start watching that show whenever it came on.  He loved it, so maybe this one is more of a comfort blanket for me.  In either case though, the cast is awesome, the plot is very detailed and finely tuned, and the characters are very vivid with a detailed past that shines through in every episode.  It’s rare to have all of that in one show.  PLUS(!) they play marathons of house on USA every week or so (at least a couple of times a month).  A very enjoyable show with just enough comic relief to call itself a drama without it being solely run on the Lifetime Network.

#7.  Everybody Loves Raymond

Some people might say this show is overplayed, old, stale, or lifeless.  I say the exact opposite.  I am a little biased though, because this was my fathers favorite show.  he never missed an episode, even if it came on Nick at Nite at 3am.  That’s how much he loved it.  So this is definitely a safety blanket for me, I feel closer to him whenever I watch an episode.  I don’t think I have to explain the synopsis or characters to anyone out there because I’m pretty sure everyone in the world has seen at least one episode.  But here goes anyways: it portrays a borderline dysfunctional family with original characters and an amazing cast.  Seriously, have you seen Peter Boyle alongside Gene Wilder in the old black and white movie Young frankenstein?  Have you read the cookbook/partial autobiography written by Doris Roberts entitled Are you hungry, Dear?  The cast is amazing and those two people are very accurate in portraying the stereotypical “crazy parents” that you’re always embarrassed of growing up.  You know the kind, the parents you don’t want your friends to meet because “they’re just so weeeeeird”.  It’s great.

#6.  Two and a Half Men

I like this show because it’s kind of like watching a PG version of Charlie Sheen be himself.  And who doesn’t really want to see what one of the biggest non-rockstar party animals of our generation is like?  The mom is hilarious, as is the neurotic brother, Alan.  Here’s a little known fact, Jon Cryer played a really weird character (I believe it was the son of Lex Luthor) in the movie Superman IV.  He also won an Emmy over Neil Patrick Harris’ performance in How I Met Your Mother, so he must be doing something right.  The only complaint I have for this show is that the little kid playing Jake has progressively gotten less and less funny as he’s gotten older.  I know for this show, everyone involved has been at the mercy of Charlie Sheens personal life and reputation, and I hope for the shows sake that they find a replacement for Sheen and let everyone keep their job.

#5.  Scrubs

Here’s another show that everyone says is overplayed.  But I think it was hilarious from the first season, to the last.  It sucks that it was canceled.. twice for that matter.  But it truly was an entertaining show.  It launched Zach Braffs career as an actor, director, and if I’m not mistaken, as a writer.  It made Donald Faison (the black guy) known for something more than the movie Clueless.  It also made a lot of guys develop a TV crush on Sarah Chalke, the multi-talented, multi-lingual, and mega-hott actress.  Here’s something interesting, Neill Flynn, the Janitor is a Bradley University Alumni.  Bradley is where I spent my first 3 years of college.  A very enjoyable show, and worth multiple viewings.  It also inspired a spin-off where they got almost the entire cast back together and it was called: Scrubs Med School.  I think that ultimately turned out to be a flop though.

POST SCRIPT: My apologies.  Scrubs Med School was the unofficial title of the ninth and final season of scrubs, it was not a spin-off.

#4.  Frasier

This is my favorite and undoubtedly the most popular spin-off of Cheers.  It was definitely the most successful.  I believe this is the oldest show on my list, and is only one of 3 that is solely in syndication.  I just love the way Kelsey Grammer is hilariously pompus, and his voice makes his on screen radio personality eerily believable.  I also love the back and forth Frasier has with his brother Niles, and his housekeeper Daphne (who is now on Hot in Cleveland with Betty White).  My favorite character of all though has got to be John Mahoney as the father of Frasier and Niles, Marty Crane.  The casting for this show was nothing less than outstanding.  If you’ve never watched an episode, watch one.  I’d be willing to wager that it will soon become one of your guilty pleasures, as it has mine.

#3.  The Big Bang Theory

This is the modern day Frasier for a younger audience.  Each one of the main 4 guys does an outstanding job at their role.  All of them, at least once an episode, but usually more, get a really big laugh in with a quotable quote.  Overall it is very enjoyable and I can’t wait for it to come on every Thursday night!

#2.  It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

This show is truly a rags to riches story.  All of the main characters are the creators of the show.  None of them had any previous Hollywood experience and now the show is in its 6th or 7th season!  And the main guys (Mac, Charlie and Dennis) are writers, producers, and directors.  Not to mention they star in their own show.  Hilarity ensues with everything they do.  It’s a little crude or raunchy, and it’s really not for everyone, but I can’t get enough of it.  It’s definitely not for the whole family, so don’t go inviting your mom to watch the DVDs with you.  And it’s perfect because the guys have really short attention spans, can’t stay focused on anything for very long, and everything they do starts out with good intentions but ends up in a horrible mess.  Life is a slippery slope, and this show puts the exclamation point at the end of that statement.

The Winner, and #1.  How I Met Your mother

This show is truly enjoyable from the pilot episode all the way up until the most recent one.  I had never watched this show, but was strolling through best buy one day and bought the first season of it on DVD because it was on sale for very cheap.  After that, I had to get every season the day it came out.  This is a show you can watch with your mom, or brother, or anyone really.  There are some awesome jokes, and running gags, as well as different subplots in each episode that tie in with something that happened in a previous season.  The producers and directors do a fantastic job of bringing everything full circle in a timely manner.  The main characters name is Ted, but Neil Patrick Harris’ role of Barney steals the show.  Every.  Time!  did you know he got that role because of his appearance in Harold and Kumar go to White Castle?  That’s how it happened.

See you on the couch from 8-10 most weeknights.

The Jester.

 

*All images are property of their respective owners and may be subject to copyright laws.  All images obtained through Google Image Search.*

Nerdy Monday 22: EuroTrip (2004)

Posted in 2000's, Alcohol Involved, Modern, movies, Nerdy Monday on April 6, 2011 by Divide By Zero

Did you finish your homework?  I hope you did, otherwise I’m about to make a bunch of really funny things, less funny by telling them to you second-hand.  It is my conjecture that EuroTrip, which I will [obviously] get more into detail about, in a minute, might be the funniest movie… possibly of all time.  Here are 12 reasons why:

#12.  Burt, the younger brother.


Ever at the ready with his video camera, or the record button, this weirdly funny little brat has quips at the right moments, witty remarks, and just the right combination of cockyness/intelligence/attitude to make him one of the most underrated characters of all time.  I think he had less than 5 minutes of actual screen time, and there weren’t even any cut scenes with him in the bonus features of my DVD.  BUT[!]  if it weren’t for that little bastard going through his big brother –Scotty’s– e-mail, there would have been no reason for the whole movie to happen.  Burt is the one who pointed out to Scotty that his German pen-pal was actually female.. and a very attractive one at that.  Thus; no Burt, no movie.  It’s sad in a way, really.

11.  Matt Damon as an extra

Matt Damon, the only A-lister to be in this movie, and he gets about 30 seconds of screen time total.  It’s pretty cool to see all these other talented yet unknown actors upstage Good Will Hunting.  Mr. Damon plays sort of a pivotal role in the film as he is credited with being the guy Scotty’s girlfriend (pictured above with Damon) cheated on him with.  I don’t know why Scotty, the main character got so upset.  There are tons of girls out there that qould leave their boyfriend/fiance/husband/baby’s daddy for Matt Damon.  Damon also is credited (on screen) with coming up with one of the jokes that carries throughout the entire movie, which is…

10.  Scotty Doesn’t Know (song title)

I should mention here that when this movie was brand new, before iTunes was popular or anything, I went out and bought the entire soundtrack to this movie on CD.  It was just that good.  But there is one catch to that, the song Scotty Doesn’t Know was by far the most popular song on there, and everyone in my high-school knew all the words to it.  It would play at parties, school events, study-sessions, or any other place that warranted music in the background.  It was (and is) just an awesome song that is very, very catchy.  Whoever wrote that for the movie deserves a Grammy.  Or an Oscar for best music in the history of ever.

9.  “Mike”

She’s really the entire reason for the movie altogether.  Her name is pronounced “Mee-Kah”.  Not Mike.  Even though it’s spelled “Mike”.  Man, Germans are weird.  The only disturbing part of her is that there is an incestuous reference between her and her cousin Jan–That’s a guys name–at one point, but it ends up being a day-nightmare (daymare?) imagined by Scotty while he’s on his way to see her.  I didn’t catch that until about the 14th time I watched it, and I wish I never had realized it.
8.  The Hitler Boy

I can’t even explain this one to you.  Supposedly this is Mike’s little brother, and he’s in the background doing… Hitler stuff.  Hilarious.  Let’s watch!

Everything they were talking about in that scene had everything to do with the plot, but no one in the movie theatre I saw this movie at heard it… we were all too busy laughing so hard we were crying.  Good stuff.

7.  The Infamous Robot Fight

I’m pretty sure for most of the people out there reading this, if you hadn’t seen the movie, you’ve already seen this scene.  It’s been floating around Youtube since Youtube was invented.  I know I’ve received it in a few chain e-mails.  But it’s worth multiple viewings:

Best.  Robot.  Fight scene.  EVER!!!!1

6.  Michelle Trachtenberg

Remember her?

Some of the younger kids out there solely know her from this movie.  Others remember her when she starred alongside Rosie O’Donnell in the Nickelodeon film Harriet the Spy. That’s right, she was Harriet, and she was a spy.  She was also Nona F. Mecklenberg in the insanely popular Nickelodeon kids show The Adventures of Pete & Pete. Side note: she’s hott.  She’s funny, she’s pretty, and she does a great job in this movie.  Not to mention she is one of the reasons why everything gets wrapped up by the end of it, ensuring us that we won’t be disappointed by a sequel to this awesomtacular movie.  That’s right, I had to make up a word to describe it.

5.  The Creepy Foreign guy on the Train.

That guy, to me, is more terrifying than any of the foreign dudes in the Hostel movies.  I would hate to be touched the way he touches people.  It makes my skin crawl.  None the less, he played a randomly funny role in EuroTrip.  Just when you think there are no more hi-jinks or shenanigans that can happen to this rag-tag bunch of American travelers.  One of them almost gets molested on the train in every tunnel they go through.  By this guy.  Look at him.  That’s a rapists mustache if I’ve ever seen one.

4.  “Worst Twins Ever”.

Another running joke in this movie is the fact that these twins don’t know a whole lot about each other, are completely different, and just overall… are the worst twins ever.  At the beginning of the movie, they’re all at a graduation party, and the guy (Jamie) get’s the girl (Jenny) a Gin & Tonic.  To which Jenny replies: “Why did you get me a Gin & Tonic?  I hate gin.”  A few other things happen throughout the movie, and they end up getting drunk at a bar towards the end and making out with one another by mistake.  Worst twins ever?  I’d say they’re high in the running for it.

3.  The David Hasselhoff Cameo.

For some reason, David Hasselhoff is famous all over the world for more than just Baywatch and Knight Rider.  Did you know that he has more than 5,000 hours of screen time for his entire career?  That’s ridiculous.  Also, the Germans especially love him for his musical ability.  And randomly, as Scotty is daydreaming about his German pen-pal Mike, a German song appears in his fantasy.  And it’s sung by The Hoff.  Look at the picture, that’s him in the upper right hand corner, in the little thought bubble.  Is there nothing that man can’t do?

2.  Club Vandersexxxxxx.

There’s really nothing I can say about this scene.  You just have to watch it, and as much as I’d like to put the clip up here on my site, I think it’s a little more risque than what I want to have associated with this site.  Get the movie, rent it if you have to, or netflix it, either way you won’t be disappointed when this scene rolls around.  Also, Lucy Lawless plays the Madam of a brothel.  For the younger readers out there, she was Xena: Warrior Princess.

1.  Vinnie Jones!

People overseas will know this man.  Most Americans don’t.  Let me show you:

...Would YOU mess with him?

Most Americans know him as the main “soccer hooligan” from EuroTrip, or the skinhead from Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, or the skinhead from Snatch, or the British guy from any of a number of movies.  But I want everyone to know that before he was an actor, he was a futbol player.  Exhibit Awesome:

I could write an entire post on just this one picture.  There’s Vinnie Jones, about to insert a flying kick straight to the other guys face the moment he lands.  This is also a charity game by the way.  Read that again.  This is a CHARITY game, and Mr. Jones up there is playing for keeps!  A friend of mine who is a former Londoner, told me that Vinnie Jones used to work for the British Underground [Similar to the Mafia in America].  He actually helped re-write the scripts to the movies he was in.  Remember when he was slamming that one fat guys head in a car door?  He’s done it for real.  My friend told me also, that there was an interview on TV a few years back of another player in the national futbol league.  During which, he explained that the most intimidating player in the entire league was our own Vinnie Jones.  During the interview he said the first time he had ever met Mr. Jones, his team was about to do a corner kick, and Vinnie faced him and said: “If you even move towards that futbol, I will break your fucking legs.”  So the guy…. quite obviously…. turned into a statue, and went on to further explain: “If he told me to pick it up and put it in my own net, I would have!”  This dude rocks.  He rocks at life, and he rocks at movies, especially this movie.  He is also another reason why EuroTrip gets all wrapped up at the end.  You have to just watch it.  Just go ahead and watch it if you haven’t already!  Haven’t I given you enough reasons to?

 

See you anywhere but pissing off Vinnie Jones.

The Jester.

Cool your jets!

Posted in Uncategorized on April 1, 2011 by Divide By Zero

I wanted everyone to know that work has been crazy. I’ve been transitioning into full time, so I’ve really been busting my hump. I have tons of blogs to make up for, and posts will start going up (probably 2 or more a day until I’m all caught up) starting this weekend. Thank you to everyone who keeps checking back! Come back soon for the new content!

Thanks,
The Jester.