Archive for the Alcohol Involved Category

Nerdy Monday 22: EuroTrip (2004)

Posted in 2000's, Alcohol Involved, Modern, movies, Nerdy Monday on April 6, 2011 by Divide By Zero

Did you finish your homework?  I hope you did, otherwise I’m about to make a bunch of really funny things, less funny by telling them to you second-hand.  It is my conjecture that EuroTrip, which I will [obviously] get more into detail about, in a minute, might be the funniest movie… possibly of all time.  Here are 12 reasons why:

#12.  Burt, the younger brother.


Ever at the ready with his video camera, or the record button, this weirdly funny little brat has quips at the right moments, witty remarks, and just the right combination of cockyness/intelligence/attitude to make him one of the most underrated characters of all time.  I think he had less than 5 minutes of actual screen time, and there weren’t even any cut scenes with him in the bonus features of my DVD.  BUT[!]  if it weren’t for that little bastard going through his big brother –Scotty’s– e-mail, there would have been no reason for the whole movie to happen.  Burt is the one who pointed out to Scotty that his German pen-pal was actually female.. and a very attractive one at that.  Thus; no Burt, no movie.  It’s sad in a way, really.

11.  Matt Damon as an extra

Matt Damon, the only A-lister to be in this movie, and he gets about 30 seconds of screen time total.  It’s pretty cool to see all these other talented yet unknown actors upstage Good Will Hunting.  Mr. Damon plays sort of a pivotal role in the film as he is credited with being the guy Scotty’s girlfriend (pictured above with Damon) cheated on him with.  I don’t know why Scotty, the main character got so upset.  There are tons of girls out there that qould leave their boyfriend/fiance/husband/baby’s daddy for Matt Damon.  Damon also is credited (on screen) with coming up with one of the jokes that carries throughout the entire movie, which is…

10.  Scotty Doesn’t Know (song title)

I should mention here that when this movie was brand new, before iTunes was popular or anything, I went out and bought the entire soundtrack to this movie on CD.  It was just that good.  But there is one catch to that, the song Scotty Doesn’t Know was by far the most popular song on there, and everyone in my high-school knew all the words to it.  It would play at parties, school events, study-sessions, or any other place that warranted music in the background.  It was (and is) just an awesome song that is very, very catchy.  Whoever wrote that for the movie deserves a Grammy.  Or an Oscar for best music in the history of ever.

9.  “Mike”

She’s really the entire reason for the movie altogether.  Her name is pronounced “Mee-Kah”.  Not Mike.  Even though it’s spelled “Mike”.  Man, Germans are weird.  The only disturbing part of her is that there is an incestuous reference between her and her cousin Jan–That’s a guys name–at one point, but it ends up being a day-nightmare (daymare?) imagined by Scotty while he’s on his way to see her.  I didn’t catch that until about the 14th time I watched it, and I wish I never had realized it.
8.  The Hitler Boy

I can’t even explain this one to you.  Supposedly this is Mike’s little brother, and he’s in the background doing… Hitler stuff.  Hilarious.  Let’s watch!

Everything they were talking about in that scene had everything to do with the plot, but no one in the movie theatre I saw this movie at heard it… we were all too busy laughing so hard we were crying.  Good stuff.

7.  The Infamous Robot Fight

I’m pretty sure for most of the people out there reading this, if you hadn’t seen the movie, you’ve already seen this scene.  It’s been floating around Youtube since Youtube was invented.  I know I’ve received it in a few chain e-mails.  But it’s worth multiple viewings:

Best.  Robot.  Fight scene.  EVER!!!!1

6.  Michelle Trachtenberg

Remember her?

Some of the younger kids out there solely know her from this movie.  Others remember her when she starred alongside Rosie O’Donnell in the Nickelodeon film Harriet the Spy. That’s right, she was Harriet, and she was a spy.  She was also Nona F. Mecklenberg in the insanely popular Nickelodeon kids show The Adventures of Pete & Pete. Side note: she’s hott.  She’s funny, she’s pretty, and she does a great job in this movie.  Not to mention she is one of the reasons why everything gets wrapped up by the end of it, ensuring us that we won’t be disappointed by a sequel to this awesomtacular movie.  That’s right, I had to make up a word to describe it.

5.  The Creepy Foreign guy on the Train.

That guy, to me, is more terrifying than any of the foreign dudes in the Hostel movies.  I would hate to be touched the way he touches people.  It makes my skin crawl.  None the less, he played a randomly funny role in EuroTrip.  Just when you think there are no more hi-jinks or shenanigans that can happen to this rag-tag bunch of American travelers.  One of them almost gets molested on the train in every tunnel they go through.  By this guy.  Look at him.  That’s a rapists mustache if I’ve ever seen one.

4.  “Worst Twins Ever”.

Another running joke in this movie is the fact that these twins don’t know a whole lot about each other, are completely different, and just overall… are the worst twins ever.  At the beginning of the movie, they’re all at a graduation party, and the guy (Jamie) get’s the girl (Jenny) a Gin & Tonic.  To which Jenny replies: “Why did you get me a Gin & Tonic?  I hate gin.”  A few other things happen throughout the movie, and they end up getting drunk at a bar towards the end and making out with one another by mistake.  Worst twins ever?  I’d say they’re high in the running for it.

3.  The David Hasselhoff Cameo.

For some reason, David Hasselhoff is famous all over the world for more than just Baywatch and Knight Rider.  Did you know that he has more than 5,000 hours of screen time for his entire career?  That’s ridiculous.  Also, the Germans especially love him for his musical ability.  And randomly, as Scotty is daydreaming about his German pen-pal Mike, a German song appears in his fantasy.  And it’s sung by The Hoff.  Look at the picture, that’s him in the upper right hand corner, in the little thought bubble.  Is there nothing that man can’t do?

2.  Club Vandersexxxxxx.

There’s really nothing I can say about this scene.  You just have to watch it, and as much as I’d like to put the clip up here on my site, I think it’s a little more risque than what I want to have associated with this site.  Get the movie, rent it if you have to, or netflix it, either way you won’t be disappointed when this scene rolls around.  Also, Lucy Lawless plays the Madam of a brothel.  For the younger readers out there, she was Xena: Warrior Princess.

1.  Vinnie Jones!

People overseas will know this man.  Most Americans don’t.  Let me show you:

...Would YOU mess with him?

Most Americans know him as the main “soccer hooligan” from EuroTrip, or the skinhead from Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, or the skinhead from Snatch, or the British guy from any of a number of movies.  But I want everyone to know that before he was an actor, he was a futbol player.  Exhibit Awesome:

I could write an entire post on just this one picture.  There’s Vinnie Jones, about to insert a flying kick straight to the other guys face the moment he lands.  This is also a charity game by the way.  Read that again.  This is a CHARITY game, and Mr. Jones up there is playing for keeps!  A friend of mine who is a former Londoner, told me that Vinnie Jones used to work for the British Underground [Similar to the Mafia in America].  He actually helped re-write the scripts to the movies he was in.  Remember when he was slamming that one fat guys head in a car door?  He’s done it for real.  My friend told me also, that there was an interview on TV a few years back of another player in the national futbol league.  During which, he explained that the most intimidating player in the entire league was our own Vinnie Jones.  During the interview he said the first time he had ever met Mr. Jones, his team was about to do a corner kick, and Vinnie faced him and said: “If you even move towards that futbol, I will break your fucking legs.”  So the guy…. quite obviously…. turned into a statue, and went on to further explain: “If he told me to pick it up and put it in my own net, I would have!”  This dude rocks.  He rocks at life, and he rocks at movies, especially this movie.  He is also another reason why EuroTrip gets all wrapped up at the end.  You have to just watch it.  Just go ahead and watch it if you haven’t already!  Haven’t I given you enough reasons to?

 

See you anywhere but pissing off Vinnie Jones.

The Jester.

The Outback Chronicles: Part 4

Posted in Alcohol Involved, Bad employment, Downtown Bristol, Local, Modern, Outback Steakhouse, Terrible work on February 24, 2011 by Divide By Zero

This time in my little OS-Lounge mini-saga, I’m going to tell you about the time that guy that got fired for drinking at work in the dish pit.

Let me set the “dish pit” up a little bit first.  I know I’ve mentioned it before, but I haven’t done it justice.  It’s hard to communicate with the other people in the kitchen, it’s hard to see who’s walking by, and more or less, it was like a dungeon.  I guess it really wasn’t that bad, but that’s how you feel about your little corner of hell after a million 13 hour shifts.

It was so weird working in that stuffy little corner that… check this out:

One kid about 19 years old or so, we’ll call him Dusty.  He worked there for about 3 weeks, and then one day while he was on break, he went outside to call someone back who had called his cell earlier in the day.  After his break, he came back in and said “I think I have to go to jail.”  He told Ted about it, and cleared it with everyone he needed to and left.  His story didn’t add up, and no one ever saw him again.  That’s right, the dude faked a jail sentence in order to get out of working there.   It makes more sense now that I said it like that.

Back to the story at hand though; the person who trained the guy with the jail situation, we’ll call him Bruce, was not very professional at all.  He showed up to work every day hungover or buzzed.  Either way, he had the stench of alcohol all over him most of the time.  Granted, most of the kitchen staff was like that too, but they got their job done.  They also didn’t empty their paycheck out at the gas station and liquor store every week, either.  He was borderline, if not a full blown alcoholic.  And he was in charge of training most of the new dishwashers.

Before too long, he had trained one of the busboys’ brothers, and they were in the dish pit together most nights for the next few months.  At least until one fateful night, when everything Bruce was doing outside of work came to a boil at work and exploded all over his face.

The busboys brother, we’re going to call Scruffy.  He had a perpetual 5 o’clock shadow, and that’s the first word that came to my mind. And it’s my story, so I can name him whatever I want.

Anyways, one night, Bruce came in with 2 water bottles.  Not just the standard 12 oz. size water bottle that most people carry.  It was the big, I don’t know, 28 or 32 ounce bottles.  However you want to slice it, those 2 bottles were big enough to hold a fifth of vodka.  And back when I knew him, Bruce drank cheap, cheap vodka.  The kind of cheap vodka that should have eaten straight through anything plastic.  It was gross.

He brought in 2 bottles because he didn’t want to drink alone, so one bottle was for Scruffy, and the other was for Bruce.  I could kind of see the thought process behind Bruce’s thinking, because the dish guys were so disconnected from everyone else, he figured no one would really notice that he was tying one on, while he was on the clock.  Also I think his biggest problem was that he planned on his share of the vodka lasting his entire 10 hour shift.  When in all actuality it lasted about 2 hours before it was gone.. and I don’t think Bruce ever ate anything before he clocked in.

So one sip of the vodka led to another.  Then one broken plate led to another.  Then one fall led to another.  Larry ended up stepping in when Bruce was taking forever and a day to load dishes onto a tray, and push them through the dishwasher.  Scruffy told me later that he could have smoked an entire cigarette in between each one of the trays that came out of the dishwasher.  For anyone who hasn’t worked a commercial dishwasher, you can usually push about 40 trays through the machine in one minute.  Needless to say it’s super slow when you’re only pushing 1 through every 7 minutes.  Poor Bruce.

To this day I don’t know if Larry stepped in because he didn’t want Bruce to get in trouble, of because Ted & the management told him to.  Larry made Bruce sit on a milk crate in the corner for a bit, to see if he would be able to sober up quickly.  I think that if Bruce would have done as he was told – which was sit and stay like a good boy – he may have been alright, and been able to finish his shift without any help from Larry.  BUT.. as drunk people are prone to not listening to what other people tell them to do, Bruce kept trying to stand up.  He’d fall, then he’d break more dishes.

So Scruffy took it upon himself to take Bruce to the employee bathrooms in the back of the restaurant.  Scruffy basically had to carry Bruce all the way to the bathroom, and sit him down on one of the 5 gallon buckets that littered the floor of the employee bathrooms.  He wanted to keep Bruce there so he could smoke, and also to keep him away from any and all management that happened to be there that night.  Bruce passed out on that 5 gallon bucket, only to wake up 20 minutes later.  Determined as all get out, he tried to work again.  He fell again.  Now the management really knew about what was going on with him and was fed up enough with it (and rightfully so), so Bruce got sent out of the building, so he wouldn’t hurt himself or anyone else.

He was instructed not to drive home.  And before long, he was gone.. so was his car.  We all thought that he drove himself home, and everyone immediately got pissed because he drove home drunk.  Not.  Ever.  Cool.  We all found out later though that he had some people pick him up and take his car back to his house.  Bruce was a good guy, so I believe it.

Some hours later (that same night), Bruce’s mom called the restaurant.  She proceeded to yell at Ted, and then again at Larry.  I don’t know, nor can I imagine what was said over the phone, but I know the guys in the BOH passed the phone around and let Bruce’s mom yell at one another for a while.  The phone finally ended up in the hands of the head waiter/host (I’m not really sure what his official title was), but his name was Kyle.  It’s against any restaurants policy to give out information on their workers, so Kyle wouldn’t answer any of Bruce’s mom’s questions.  I can’t imagine how mad she got after that.

After that happened, Larry smoothed everything over with Bruce’s mom.  He at least got her to hang up the phone.  He went back to work along-side Ted, and Ted was so fed up with the whole situation that he fired Bruce.  It was kind of hasty, but it had to be done.

The next morning, the owner’s husband, Houston, calls Bruce and tells him to “get his ass back to work, no matter how bad his hangover was.”

Everyone goes through hard times, sure.  And I think everyone deserves to be forgiven at work once for something really bad like what happened that night.  They forgave Bruce for that night, and he didn’t let it happen again [that anyone knew of, anyway].

A few months later, the owner came back to work after a period of leave.  Bruce showed up one day on his day off to check the schedule while he was wearing an Outback work shirt.  The owner smelled booze on Bruce (which was typical for him).  After he left, she had a meeting with the other managers and anyone who was connected to the situation.  I don’t know what was said but I know that they either called him that same day, or the next morning to fire him for real.  To my understanding, he has never been back to the OS-Lounge since.

It’s weird how peoples’ moods change and the past is brought back around full circle.  In my opinion Bruce should have been terminated the night he got plastered at work.  That’s what he deserved.  And in any other job he would have been.  But since he worked in a restaurant.. C’est la vie.

See you by table 7.

The Jester.

Nerdy Monday 19: My Tribute to Canadian Comedy

Posted in 2000's, Alcohol Involved, Canada, Drugs, Modern, Odd Job Jack, T.V. shows, Trailer Park Boys on February 18, 2011 by Divide By Zero

Yes, for those of you out there that are wondering.  I used the words “tribute”, “to”, “Canadian”, and “comedy” in that order, in the same sentence.  I know a lot of people who look down to Canada/Canadians.  Sometimes the way they pronounce the word “about” as “a-boat”, or the way they say “Zed” instead of “Zee” [like the letter], or the influence the French have over them is kind of funny to us Americans.  That’s it, there’s no rebuttal here for that.

And the Canadians take it all in stride, as they are prone to do.  But you have to hand it to them… some of their sitcoms and “mature cartoons” are far superior to the kind of comedy we have stateside.

The two examples that jump out at me right off the bat are: The Trailer Park Boys, and Odd Job Jack.  We’ll take them one at a time.

The Trailer Park Boys are pretty much national treasures in Canada.  They go on tour, had a successful 7 season run with their show, and have even gathered a pretty decent sized cult following in the U.S.  I even read somewhere that they had the choice to shoot the show in Hollywood, but they had to give up some of the creative control and censor themselves for American television.

They opted to keep the show based in Canada due to that reason.  Let me tell you up front, that there is a lot of foul language involved.  There is also excessive drug references, and alcohol use (abuse?).

Obviously the show takes place in a trailer park.  It revolves around the exploits and misadventures of the 3 main characters: Julian, Ricky, and Bubbles.  There are a lot of running jokes throughout the show, but it’s also just so off the wall and randomly hilarious that you don’t have to watch the episodes in order.  You can just jump right in and start laughing at the crazy dialogue, the wacky antics, and the overall persona of each character, no matter how major or minor they are.  Check out a few of these “Best Of” clips, just to get the gist of the show:

The Best of Bubbles Part 1:

The Best of bubbles Part 2 (He’s my personal favorite character):

The Best of Ricky:

And check out this clip entitled “Best Police Chase Ever”:

It’s one of the guilty pleasures I have.  Maybe it’s not for everyone.  Maybe it wouldn’t have been as popular if it were shot in America.  Maybe it’s a little rude, crude, and raunchy.  That’s it, there’s no rebuttal here, either.  It’s funny, it’s unique, it’s clever, and it’s Canadian.

Odd Job Jack is a cleaner version of the cutthroat style comedy the Trailer Park boys gives off.  It’s a mature cartoon based in Canada, that’s comparable to The Simpson’s, Family Guy, American Dad, and the like.  I found it while stumbling through Hulu one night, after I drank too much coffee and was forced to stay up way too late.

It revolves around the main character, Jack, who doesn’t have a steady job and is forced to work at a temp agency.  I think we’ve all been there at one point in our life!  Okay, I have, at least..  But this isn’t about me, it’s about Jack.  Jack is a 20-something that lives with his pretty normal mother, his hippy-esque sister, and his pot smoking grandmother.  He has an asian friend who helps run a family owned convenience store, and another friend who is a genius, but is also agoraphobic.  You don’t have to look that one up, it means that he is scared of open spaces.. basically the opposite of claustrophobic, which means that he hates leaving his apartment.

So every episode Jack goes to the temp agency and is handed a different job.  There’s quirky dialogue, awkward flashbacks, and the character of Jack himself is just goofy.  It’s much more family friendly than the Trailer Park Boys (that goes without saying, I think), and it’s just a very enjoyable show to watch.  It’s not as raunchy as some of the mature American cartoons, and it doesn’t rely on a lot of pop culture references the way Family Guy does.  Or maybe it does, I just don’t know that much (if anything) about Canadian pop culture.  Either way, it’s hysterical.  Again, like the Trailer Park boys, it’s a series that doesn’t make you have to watch the beginning episodes to think the later ones are funny.  I highly recommend watching a few episodes.  It’s something fresh, and exciting.  Something that probably not a lot of Americans have heard about, and if you’re reading this and you have heard about it, then good for you.. go get yourself some cookies.  Check out a few of the clips below, and feel free to pass it along to your friends.

Those are two of my favorite episodes, anyways.  If you have to sign up for a Hulu account, please do it.  This is a very underrated cartoon that deserves more attention.  I would love to own the DVDs so I can watch them anytime I want.  If anyone feels like donating a set to me, e-mail!

It’s a maple leaf on their flag, not something else.. potheads.

The Jester.

 

*All videos are property of their owners and may be subject to copyright laws.  All videos obtained through either Youtube search or Hulu search.”

Top 10 Tuesdays 5: Video Games To Make Drinking Games Out Of!

Posted in Alcohol Involved, Dreamcast (Long Live the...!), Halo, PS2, Retro, Video Game, XBox on January 11, 2011 by Divide By Zero

Let me start this article by saying that I do not condone drinking alcohol.  I used to drink a lot, but don’t anymore.  Now I think of it as a waste of time, money, energy, and a lot more.  Aside from the fact that it’s unhealthy.  But just because that’s my belief, doesn’t mean it’s the belief of everyone else.  I know the younger people, mostly those who have just turned 21 and thus earned the privilege to drink  alcohol, are all into drinking games.

That being said, here we go with…

THE TOP TEN VIDEO GAMES TO MAKE DRINKING GAMES OUT OF!

Yes, drinking games have supposedly been around since the dawn of, well… drinking.  It started with the ancient Greeks, all the way through the college age kids of today.  They have caused deaths, built fraternity bonds, induced vomiting, and all around been an experience all of us at one time or another have partaken in.  Some of the harder-core drinkers I know claim they can make a drinking game out of anything.  And being the hard-core retro gamer I am, I’m going to do the same thing here.  So let’s start of with…

#10.  Mechwarrior 3050  (SNES)

Have you ever played Mech Warrior on the PC?  Well this is the “primitive” version of that.  It’s an awesome game, and as it turns out it’s kind of challenging.  Not real, real challenging, the way Call of Duty Black Ops tends to be, but just challenging enough to make a little side-game out of.  And it’s not an online game, therefore, it has a “pause” option.

The Rules:

  1. Every time you destroy an enemy Mech, drink.
  2. Every time you destroy an enemy Mech using only your machine gun, take 2 drinks.
  3. Level complete?  Take 3 drinks.

That’s it.  Trust me, that’s all you need.  It won’t get you super drunk or anything, but I guarantee that if it were any harder, you wouldn’t want to play it.

#9.  Sly 2: Band of Theives  (PS2)

I know I’ve written about this game before.  So as you many know, this is more of a game for younger kids.  BUT[!] you can definitely make a side game out of it.  It’s kind of like Grand Theft Auto, insomuch as it has missions, as well as a free-range mode.  Play it for a little while, it grows on you.

The Rules:

  1. Complete a mission, take 2 drinks.
  2. Collect 100 coins, take 2 drinks.
  3. Steal a rare item, take 5 drinks.
  4. Complete one section with 100%, and finish your drink, PLUS one drink.

Childish video game equals a childish drinking game right?  I tried this while drinking Hawaiian Punch, and had to pee 8 times in an hour.

#8.  KISS! Psycho Circus: The Nightmare Child  (Dreamcast)

I may have talked about this game before, but I know it’s a hidden gem.  There’s not too many people out there that know about it.  I’s your basic rockstar-sell-out, built-on-a-DOOM-engine, psychotic first-person-shooter.  It’s actually an alright game.  KISS actually has nothing to do with it except that their name is in the title, and maybe because it’s what KISS used to picture when they were on a bad trip while on stage. Not to mention, the year this game came out (2000), the final boss fight had more enemies on screen at once than any other game out at the time.

The Rules:

  1. I would say “kill an enemy” and drink.  But in this case, you would die before 2 levels were up.  So, kill 15 enemies, drink once.
  2. Find an unusual item/weapon, drink 2.
  3. Find an image of any of the members of KISS, drink 5 (this is a rather hard one).

I mean, check out a screenshot of this game…

The final rule is: drink 3 if you can make sense of this game.  The programmers didn’t have logic in mind when they created it, so if you can understand it, CLEARLY you are too sober.

#7.  Motherload  (Internet Game)

This is a game I stumbled across during Freshman year of college.  Found here [XGen Studios], Motherload is an elegantly simple game.  You play as this little mining contraption that has to drill down through the surface of Mars.  You look for precious gems, hidden artifacts and even dinosaur bones.  Let that sink in.. dinosaur bones… on MARS.  Yeah.  Anyways, you drill down and get different metals/gems, and have to get back to the surface before you run out of fuel, and you can’t take too much damage.  Run out of fuel, or take too much damage, and game over.  You have one life and no continuances.

The Rules:

  1. Drink every 1,000 feet you drill.
  2. Drink every time you sell your metals.
  3. Drink 2 every time you upgrade your vehicle.
  4. Drink 2 every time you fill up your fuel tank.

You will enjoy this one, and it’s definitely not as complicated as you might think.  Get it done, son!

#6.  Air Force Delta  (Dreamcast)

Another game that was great for the Dreamcast, and still is.  It’s your basic fly-around-and-destroy-stuff game.  It’s pretty easy, and with every mission you complete, you get money.  You use the money to buy planes, every time you crash a plane or get shot down, you have to buy that plane again.  So basically planes = lives.

The Rules:

  1. Shoot down a plane, drink 1.
  2. Shoot down a plane with only your machine gun, drink 5 (it’s pretty tough).
  3. Complete a mission, finish your drink.
  4. Buy a plane, take a drink.

Easy game, easy drinking game.  Oh it will get harder… don’t think you’re one of those pilots who can drink while flying.  No one is.

#5.  Tetris  (System Varies)

Ahh tetris.  A game everyone knows.  A game everyone loves.  A game no one can beat (except for the Japanese).  This game is more versatile when it comes to making a drinking game out of it.  Like all of these games though, feel free to play around with the rules.  Add some, subtract some, change it up a little bit.  But this one is really easy to make the side-game out of.

The Rules:

  1. Drink 1 every 5 lines you get.
  2. Drink 2 with every level advancement.
  3. Drink 3 every time you die/start over.
  4. Drink 4 every 5 levels you beat.

Haha, think you know how to play tetris?  After this, you won’t remember how to.

#4.  Grand Theft Auto – Vice City Stories  (PS2)

This has got to be one of my most favorite games in the GTA franchise.  We all know about this one, because it’s not all that old, so…

The Rules:

  1. Get 5 stars, take 5 drinks.
  2. Find a new weapon, get a new drink.
  3. Complete a mission, complete a drink.
  4. Drink for every 2 minutes you are in free range mode, doing nothing.
  5. Blow something up, take a drink.

There’s about 40 more rules you can make right off the top of your head, but that’s way too much.  And when it comes to drinking games, you have to keep it simple.  For all of these games, especially this one, please use beer… if you drink liquor to play this game, it will kill you in minutes.  Be safe with it.

#3.  Halo 1  (XBox)

I told you that this game is my favoritest game ever.  I try to be unbiased, but darn it all, this game is so awesome, there is no bad time to play it.  This one actually ranked higher this time for legitimate reasons though.  It’s up to 16 players, or more likely 1-4 players.  And drinking is supposed to be a social thing, so you need more people around to keep you in line, and make sure you’re not breaking any of the rules.

The Rules (this is for 4-player versus mode):

  1. Kill someone, take a drink.
  2. Die, drink.
  3. Use a vehicle, take a drink.
  4. Chug your beer while waiting for respawn.

Try it, trust me.

 

The winners, and tied for #1.  Street Fighter II  (SNES), & Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 (Genesis)

 

Classic, vibrant, fantastic.  These games are simple button mashers with only two (common) rules..

  1. If you win the fight, you take a drink.
  2. If you lose the fight, you take a drink.

That’s really all you need.  Besides a lot of water and aspirin in the morning.  Good luck.

Make sure you don’t have work/school the next day.

The Jester.

 

*All images are property of their respective owners, and may be subject to copyright laws.  All images obtained through Google Image Search.*

*The author takes no responsibility in the actions/consequences of the readers based on what they do .  All games are to be used without alcohol.  If alcohol is to be used, please drink at your own risk, and pretty please be responsible.  And remember, always in moderation.*

 

Merry Christmas!

Posted in Alcohol Involved, Annual, Christmas, Family, Holidays, Modern on December 23, 2010 by Divide By Zero

I know I’ve been slacking with the new posts and everything.  I know they’re supposed to be posted on a certain day, and I’ve rarely been getting to them on time lately.  But with the Holidays being upon us as they are, I wanted to take the time to let everyone knot that I’m going to be taking a hiatus from the blog.  Don’t cry, I mean a partial hiatus.  Between working my full time jobs, shopping, spending time with family, taking care of my puppies, and cooking/eating, not to mention playing video games, I don’t have time to write the blog.  Don’t worry though, I’ll be back.  Let us all cool the jets, shift back to neutral, and let our batteries recharge.  I will be back early, 2011.

(I’ll still be doing my local Friday posts, as usual.)

Merry Christmas to all!

The Jester.

Outback Chronicles: The time a few people got fired. (Then re-hired)

Posted in 2000's, Alcohol Involved, Drugs, Gourmet, Hell, Jeremy Dotson, Local, Modern, Outback Steakhouse on December 22, 2010 by Divide By Zero

At a restaurant, you have to understand.. there’s a core crew.  You’re either in that crew, or you’re not.  I never really knew where I fell in that crew.  I kept my mouth shut for the most part, and I saw how other people fell into the crew.  I could care less, as long as my paycheck was right.  Here’s one story:

Papa, you remember that guy.  He was a server, in the front of the house.  He was a jokester in the back of the house.  He showed up and did his job.  He did it very well.

Twice while I worked there, I found out that Papa was taking advantage of the dark parking lot on the side of the OS-Lounge.  He was taking advantage of it in a way that he wasn’t using it so much for parking, as he was using it for dealing drugs.  Well that’s all well and good right?  He never did it inside the restaurant, and he never did it while he was working, right?

Wrong on both counts.  He was the dealer for most of the restaurant staff, and a lot of the customers, from what I’ve heard.  I heard he served more pills/weed in the dining room of that restaurant while I worked there, than he served food.

He got fired twice, rehired twice, and then fired for the final time after I had stopped working there.  He was part of the crew.

Schmangle.  There’s another guy I haven’t talked about yet.  He was a 16 year old kid who could work the cook line (most of the time) better than anyone else could.  He got fired thrice by 3 different managers.  But always got hired back, because he was the “golden child”.  “He’s too young, he’s not mature” is what the owners/Ted would say.  He always left me out in the dust.  By that I mean he left an hour early which meant I had to stay 2-3 hours late.

It was ridiculous closing his station when no one else would do it.  He was part of the crew.
There’s 4 or 5 others that come to mind that run along the same lines, but I can’t give you the details, because then I would either put myself in danger, or someone else.  I don’t want to get anyone fired, and I apologize for this week’s entry being so short.  I promise I’ll have an awesome one for you this coming Friday.

Just remember that your cooks and waiters may not be who they seem.  Even though that doesn’t make them a good waiter/waitress, it makes them a different kind of person.  Do you want those people serving you your food, or even cooking it?  If it happens in this little place, it happens all over the place.

Keep that in mind the next time you order from a restaurant… exactly how much work goes into your food?

See you ordering off the vegetarian menu,

The Jester.

Top 10 Tuesdays 4: Christmas Break.

Posted in 1980's, 1990's, 2000's, Alcohol Involved, Dreamcast (Long Live the...!), DS, Modern, Playstation, PS3, Video Game, XBox 360 on December 16, 2010 by Divide By Zero

The season is upon us.. the Winter weather is finally here, and we’re starting to get more time off of work/school.  This is a special Top 10 list for the Christmas season, especially Christmas break.  Or it could be used for any random snow day you happen to have.  It might do really well for any day you actually play hookie from work, too.  This is for the days you are isolated, it’s cold outside, you don’t want to do anything you can’t do from underneath a blanket (Snuggies would work too).  This is for the days you are cut off from everyone and everything but your refrigerator, your video games, and maybe a coffee/hot cocoa maker.  You know those days, the ones where you have no obligations, and no one else is with you except maybe a roommate, a sibling, or a significant other.  The kind of days that just feel different, the way excused absences always do.

For these kind of days, you want something a little challenging, but that’s not too hard to figure out either.  For most of us, that crosses Ecco The Dolphin right off the list.  It’s my opinion though, that in cases like this, you have 2 choices:  1) Either you go back and play games you’ve already beaten, and look for every secret level, and hidden item.  Or 2) you take a tiny step outside of your comfort zone and play some games that you wouldn’t normally play.

If you’re more into FPS games, go with a racing game, or RPG/RTS.  If you’re more into puzzle/problem solving games, go with a simple button masher.  If you’re more into fantasy, find something from the action/adventure section.  Let’s jump right into it with…

#10.  Final Fantasy Origins (PS1)

This game.. I have to be honest with you.  I was reluctant to put this game on the list.  I have never played it.  Well, I’ve tried it, by which I mean, I took over for a friend who had to use the bathroom.  But I’ve seen it played, probably all the way through, and just because I haven’t had the opportunity to get ensconced by something that defined several genres of video games, and spawned about a million sequels/movies/anime shows/etc.. who’s to say you won’t like it?  I found a copy of this at a flea market for $4.  Game, case, manual, lock, stock, and barrel.  Not a bad deal, and I plan on playing it soon enough.  Give it a try!  Fifteen million fan geeks can’t all be wrong.

#9.  StarLancer (DC)

I know everyone expected at least 1 Dreamcast game to be on here.  I’m pretty partial to this system, but I keep my bias under control pretty well.  This is one of those games you play when you have time to kill.  Yeah, there’s a plot, no one knows what it is though.  Yeah, the controls are a little weird and hard to get used to, but you don’t have to work today, so you have time to get used to them.  There are multiple unfair things about the game, and they’re all stacked against you, but it’s okay.  As long as you stay warm today, you win.  So grab some hot cocoa, and get to playing this game.  I guarantee you it does not disappoint as a gigantic time waster, and will keep you busy as well as it will not frustrate you to death.

#8.  BattleTanx Global Assault (PS1)

 

I’m going to be honest with you on this one too..  The only reason why it’s on my list is because I found it on eBay, and I paid $8.94 for it with shipping and everything.  I forgot how awesome of a game this is.  The replay value of it is ridiculous, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve beaten this game, only to come back to it an hour later and start all over again.  It’s perfect for a day when you have nothing to do, no work, no school, just you and a blanket on the couch.  That’s all you need.  Maybe some coffee, because more than once this game has kept me up all night.  They have another version on the N64, and they’re about the same, I think it’s a little cheaper if you want to find a PS1 disc though.  I’d be willing to wager you can get a PS1 system, controllers, and this game for less than you can just the game on N64.  Either way you want to go though.

#7.  Batman Forever (Genesis)

 

Those of you out there who know me personally, know that I am one of the biggest batman nerds there are.  And back when this game was new, I remember having it on the Sega Genesis, as well as the Sega Game Gear.  I never got past the first level because it is such a horrible game.  But if you’re used to playing puzzle games, this would be right up your alley.  The controls are cryptic, the doorways/entryways that take you from screen to screen are unnecessarily hidden in random places, and I’m pretty sure the programmers were drunk when they wrote the code for it.  Because a lot of the stuff that needs to be done by the player would fit perfectly into the programmers saying something like:  “How much would they freak out if we have them do [insert random game play here]?”.  It really is crazy, but it makes sense.  They followed up a pretty terrible Batman movie with a pretty terrible Batman video game.  I’m sure though, as long as you’re shrugging off anything work related, or school related, this is one of the best games for you to plug in and play.  Actually, I’d say it’s the 7th best, haha.

#6.  ZOOP!  (Genesis)

 

Yeah, this is old school.  This is one of those games that boggles the mind, challenges the wit, and makes you solve puzzles.  I recommend playing it on those Christmas break days we’ve been talking about.  I can’t even really accurately describe it.  You’re a thing that has to move other things a certain way in order to collect other things in a row?  I don’t know.  Here’s a video…

The title is the truth.  ZOOP! is a quirky little puzzle game.  It is easy to play, difficult to master, and a lot of fun regardless.  If you find one cheap (I got my copy for one dollar) it’s worth picking up.  Not a classic, but a good retro game to check out.

#5.  Frogger 2: Swampy’s Revenge (DC)

 

In my opinion, this is one of the best games ever to be released on the Dreamcast.  It is an awesomely modern twist on a simple, classic video game that we all know and love.  It was on a newer console, so of course you could save your progress.  That was a God-send.  If you’re familiar with Frogger, that’s what this game is.  Except all the things you wish about Frogger, happened.  It’s 3D, there are more obstacles, there are longer levels, more complex mazes, and the whole she-bang.  If you have a Dreamcast and don’t yet have this game, head on over to dcisozone.com and download/burn it.  It is well worth the 4 minute download time, and 15 second burning time.  Great overall game that would have scored higher if it weren’t for…

#4.  Assassin’s Creed: Altair’s Chronicles.  (Nintendo DS)


This game is awesome.  Especially if you’re a fan of the Assassin’s Creed franchise on XBox 360.  I didn’t really like the thought of this game being on a portable console, but once you sit down and play it, you love it.  It’s perfect for staying in bed, pulling the blanket up over your head, and just going to town on some vids.  Game Stop has been selling used copies of this game for $14.99 but I have seen them cheaper.  I think they’re like $7 if you don’t need a case for it.  Check it out, it gives great use of the stylus (which takes a little time to get used to, but overall is decent), the controls are fluid, and everything is easy to grasp.  I highly recommend this game to anyone, snow day or not.

#3.  Super Mario Bros.  (Wii)

 

I’m trying to put newer games on these lists, for the younger crowd.  But there are just some games that are great.  This one for instance, is like Frogger 2, it’s an awesomely modern twist on a simple and classic game that we all know and love.  That’s really all it boils down to .  People who never played any of the NES Marios love this game, because of the easy and fluid controls.  The hard core gamers love it because it’s what we wish we had way back in the day.  It’s elegant, it’s simple, it’s beautiful.  Go pick it up if you haven’t already!

#2.  Dead Rising.  (XBox 360)

 

This game missed being number 1 this week by an inch.  I love this game, and it’s even arguably better than the second one.  I don’t know for sure, as I don’t have the second one yet.  But of all the people I’ve talked to who also play this game, no one has anything bad to say about it.  It’s great for snow days, or for when you finally get that day off and want to take out your frustration on some zombies.  It’s great to play anytime.  It’s great to play overall.  It’s almost as great to play as…

The Winner, and #1 this week.  Arkham Asylum.  (PS3)

 

Oh.  My.  Gah!  I love this game, and everyone should have a copy of it.  It’s the best thing to happen to Batman fans since Christopher Nolan took over directing the Batman movies from Joel Shumacher.  People complain about the controls, and how depressing some of the music is, and how it doesn’t make any sense.  And to those people, I say.. Fooey!  Go play this game, go play it, go play it now.  The controls couldn’t be easier to understand… of course they get harder as you go along because you gain different abilities and you have to time some of them just right.  And the music is depressing & dark?  It’s BATMAN!  The music is ALWAYS depressing and dark.  I’ve also been told that this game coincides more with the comic books than it does the movies.  With all due respect on that note, it’s even more true to the Batman name than the movies are.  After all, he did first show up in comic books.  So everyone needs to get their story straight before they go bashing a game because they’re not a Batman fan.  This is an awesome game, and I’m here to tell everyone.  Go play it on your next snow day, day off, or right now.  It’s worth the money, and worth the time you put into it.

See you next week…

The Jester. 


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