Archive for the Dreamcast (Long Live the…!) Category

My Tribute to Sony’s wonderful Playstation 2.

Posted in 1990's, 2000's, Dreamcast (Long Live the...!), N64, PS2, PS3, Sony, Video Game with tags , on February 21, 2013 by Divide By Zero

What can I say about the Sony Playstation 2 (PS2)?  In my mind it’s the one of the greatest systems out there.  It had almost a 13 year run, and was sadly discontinued on January 7th of this year.  You can’t really say anything bad about a console that grew to the age of most 8th graders in a world where technology becomes obsolete in [right around] 6 months.

Although I do think it’s funny that all of the other discontinuation articles or blogs I’ve read say something to the affect of: “So long PS2!  Sony’s most popular console is officially off the market.”  Really?  Of course it’s the most popular console; it’s only been out for 13 years.  Before that was the Playstation 1 (PS1).  That wasn’t a terrible console, but it was up against some heavy competition from the two titans of the industry at the time.

Released in late 1995, the PS1 hit the scene.  Immediately it was in competition with the Super Nintendo until 1996, (when the Nintendo 64 came out) and the Sega Genesis.  A lot of parents were weary about buying their kids a PS1 for the same reason why they were skeptical about the original XBOX when it first came out.  It was a produced by a “new” company, with no established credibility in the video game industry.  I’m sure next to no one knew this back in 1995/96, but the only other console that Sony had ever produced was a CD based model actually financed by Nintendo.  It was a flop for a lot of reasons.  But more power to the people at Sony for taking what they learned from Nintendo and venturing out on their own to become one of Nintendo’s biggest competitors.  Who would have ever thought that would happen?

Anyways, back to the guts of what I was saying… Being right about 10 years old at the time, me and most of my friends had either a Genesis, or a SNES.  I didn’t get a PS1 until a few years later in 1999, around the same time the Sega Dreamcast came out.  I remember that Christmas!  I was actually more of a Sega fan during my youth, and needless to say, wanted a Dreamcast more than anything else in the world.  Looking back on it now, how could anyone NOT pick the Dreamcast over other systems?  Do you remember the commercials?

I guess I was more of a visually influenced person.  Or maybe I was just showing loyalty to the company that gave me my awesome Genesis.  Or maybe I was just a dumb kid.  Who knows?  But I was sucked in by the commercials, the posters that came in magazines or in the mail, and the displays they had in the stores.  What about the boxes the consoles came in?  Remember the boxes?  Give me a little color, please:

Nice and colorful.  Something kids would want, right?

Nice and colorful. Something kids would want, right?

Wrong.  Everyone took the "ninja-box" for granted.  Or a lot of us did.  Ok, maybe it was just me.

Wrong. Everyone took the “ninja-box” for granted. Or a lot of us did. Ok, maybe it was just me.

In either case, the PS2 ultimately won without even breaking a sweat.  The Dreamcast’s lifespan lasted a measly few years.  About 2 or 3.  I’m not even going to look it up—that’s how short it was.  While the PS2 continued its reign for that PLUS a decade.  And it’s still a console that begs to be played.  I still have mine sitting right next to my PS3, and honestly, lately, it’s been getting more use than the PS3.

Also, according to wikipedia and a few other articles, Sony has stated that there are 10,828 titles available for the PS2.  That is an enormous number, considering it took the entire lifespan of the NES to amass around 900 titles in its library.  But what else can you expect from the PS2, which is a system that brought about the success of companies like Rockstar Games and EA (Sports division) almost single-handedly.  It also made popular the Dance Dance Revolution and Guitar Hero franchises.  To this day, I can’t go to a family gathering without there being a Guitar Hero competition, and I dare you to walk into an arcade –any good, respectable arcade– without there being at least 2 DDR platforms.

All that parental fear of Sony went away with the release of the PS2.  I remember fondly when it came out.  Five days before Halloween in the year 2000.  The world was still talking about Y2K and people were still exclaiming about how “We (as a society) overcame the biggest could-be technological poop-storm in the world!” –To date, anyway.  Within 24 hours of the PS2’s release in Japan, it sold a million units.  It was the main reason why the Dreamcast’s release date was delayed 2 or 3 times (15 year old me got an ulcer every time I heard the date got pushed back).  AND it caused Nintendo to completely tear down and rewrite their policy considering 3rd party software developers.  Nintendo, pre-PS2, wanted to be the only company making software for its consoles, with a few exceptions.  Post-PS2 Nintendo actually encouraged 3rd party development and expanded its horizon farther than what it thought was possible.

For me, that was the turning point.  After the PS2 made itself known and told the world it wasn’t going anywhere; that was the point where Nintendo was dethroned as ruler of the world.  Remember those days?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6NhfRFSaFo

Yes, in those days, Nintendo controlled everything!

I could go on and on about the PS2.  I’m sad it’s gone, it had a good run.  Sony implemented a lot of innovations on the PS2 over the years (the games, the console itself, the controllers, networking capability) that it’s still using and improving on.  Look at a Dualshock 2 and a Dualshock 3 controller and tell me what the differences are.  OK, one is wireless, you got me.  Other than that?

In closing, thank you Sony for the Playstation 2.  It had a great run, and I look forward to playing it for years to come (plus now is the time to hit up the flea markets, yardsales, ebay, whatever because the price has gone way down on everything!).  Rest in Peace PS2.

I better cut it here before I keep, uh… whatever the writing equivalent of “rambling” is.  I just wanted to use this as an opportunity to let my fans and readers know that I am back from hiatus, and will be continuing to add to this site as often as I can.  Thank you for coming back to my blog, and I hope to have a lot of more good stuff out for you in the coming weeks.  Comment, share, subscribe, whatever… just keep reading!

–The Jester.

*All images were found by using Google Image Search and are property of their respective owners.*

*All videos were obtained through YouTube search and are property of their respective owners.*

Nerdy Monday 23: A Tribute to the Sega flops.

Posted in 1990's, Cinemassacre/James Rolfe, Dreamcast (Long Live the...!), Nerdy Monday, Retro, Video Game on April 12, 2011 by Divide By Zero

There are some video game systems sought after by collectors now for being huge failures.  There are many, but I’m going to focus on the 3 that I’ve had the most contact with.  So let’s get right down to it with…

The Sega Saturn:

Flop.

This system made its debut back in 1995, and was discontinued 3 short, disappointing years later.  It was hugely popular in Japan, but never reached anything substantial in America because of the debut of the Sony Playstation, and one of my personal all time favorites, the Nintendo 64.  It came out as a 32-bit system, which was pretty cool at the time, I guess, but it took too long to develop, and Nintendo’s N64 was released in 1996 with DOUBLE THE BITS! Therefore twice the graphics.  I mean, the Sony Playstation was released a year before the Saturn as a 32-bit system and somehow that even looked a lot better on screen.  not to mention the controls were more fluid, and the games were a lot more enjoyable.  Speaking of controls…

What the hell is this?!

I bought my Saturn on eBay for $3.24 with $3.00 shipping.  It came with all the hook-ups, a controller, and a game.  And I still believe to this day I got ripped off.  The games are shoddy at best, and it just makes me want to play something that at least has some semblance of a video game.

Rating: -3 Stars.  Horrible.

The Sega 32x:


How do you turn a 16-bit system into a 32-bit system?  You build an add on for it that makes no sense whatsoever!  The 32x plugs into the top of a Sega Genesis as if it were a game.  Then you have to run a special cable from the back of the Genesis to the back of the 32x.  THEN you have to run an a/v cable from the 32x to the TV, and STILL the 32x has it’s own ac adapter that has to be plugged into the wall.  The Genesis also has to be plugged in.  Why so many cables?  This should have been its own system.  I think James Rolfe explains it best, please give this video a watch:

Rating: One half star.  There may have been one or two cool games.

The Sega Dreamcast:


Okay, this one wasn’t really a flop.  In fact it has its own cult-like following and is getting more and more home made or “homebrewed” games on it every week.  Check out http://www.dcisozone.com to see if I’m lying.  I love this system and the many, many games it has on it. It’s fabulous, and worth every penny of the $20 (or so) you’ll spend on it.  And the games that you download and burn are perfectly legal to (or so I’ve heard, I am not liable for what you do) burn.  Sega isn’t making any money on it.. no one is making any money on it anymore, so why would anyone care?

Rating: 4 Stars, shouldn’t have been a flop.

The Sega CD:

Remember this thing?  How awful was it?  See how fast it takes you to download an emulator for this system in its entirety, and tell me it isn’t a pile of poop.  At the time, it was innovative and made it able to have movies segway from one scene in the game to the next instead of a series of text boxes.  That didn’t make the games any better though.  Like all of the other Sega flops, namely the Saturn, the controls were crappy, and it made you want to maim yourself with your controller… or at the very least strangle someone else with the cord.

This is the abomination you had if you had both the 32x and the CD attachment.

Rating:  -1 Star… it doubled as a CD player!

Overall though, Sega is still a widely successful company, even if Nintendo had to put them in their place back around 1999 or so.  It remains to be the biggest 3rd party contractor to Nintendo and comes up with almost half of the 3rd party designed games.  Way to go Sega…  I hope you jump back into the hardware market soon!

 

There will be another installment of flops, next week.

The jester.

 

*All images and videos are property of their respective owners and may be subject to copyright laws.  All images obtained through Google Image Search.  All videos obtained through Youtube Search.*

Top 10 Tuesdays 14: For Them Sick People Out There

Posted in 1980's, 1990's, 2000's, Dreamcast (Long Live the...!), Modern, N64, NES, PS2, Retro, Top 10 Tuesdays, Transformers on February 25, 2011 by Divide By Zero

It’s that time of year again.  Everyone at my day job either has been or is now sick.  Same thing goes for the people at my night job, my weekend job, everyone I tutor, and everyone I meet.  Except for me, of course.  My immune system is one of the parts of my body that is actually more awesome than I am.

Therefore, I have taken it upon myself to give you some suggestions as to how to spend the time off you’re inevitably going to take at the slightest tickle in your throat.  Therefore, let’s get right down to brass tax with:

The Top 10 Video Games To Play When You’re Sick

#10.  Virtua Cop  (Sega Saturn)


You’re already in a crappy mood.  You may as well try and play a crappy game on a crappy system.  Playing this game with a normal controller is horrible, and I’m guessing playing with a light gun controller isn’t very much better.  And finding a plot in this game is harder than finding a pulse a palm tree.  But it’s worth checking out.  And I think I got my copy for $1.00 including shipping.

#9.  Bubsy II  (Sega Genesis)


This is a silly, childish, “feel-good” kind of game that most people would consider a “kiddy-game” but it’s still awesome.  I could go on for pages and pages about all the different quirky little things involved with this game that are enjoyable.  But I don’t have time, because this is just a top 10 list.  Consider this one chicken soup for your video game itch.

#8.  Aladdin  (Sega Genesis)


My mom used to really get into this game, so i don’t know how well this one will work for everyone, but for me it’s a comfort game.  So if you miss your mommy, or she isn’t there for one reason or another, to take care of you, this is the game to play.

#7.  Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen  (PS2)


There is never a bad time to play this game.  Optimus Prime’s butt-kicking ability mixed with the other characters special moves that you get to play will have you feeling like you can take on the world again in no time!  Definitely worth checking out.. I think I paid about $6.00 for my copy, and it is well worth the investment!

#6.  Mario 64  (N64)


This is a great overall game that used to take weeks out of our respective schedules to beat.  Now you can get it done if you can manage to get 2, possibly 3 days off from work/school.  Plus it’s good to play this game to the point where you can beat it, if only to have it under your belt.

#5.  Speed Devils  (DC)


You can definitely beat this game if you aren’t sick enough to get more than one day off.  There’s a glitch you can use that will help you out.  The most expensive car is $200,000.  The one next to it in the showroom is $20,000.  Once you save up the 20 grand, look at the car that you can afford with it, then if you switch to the $200,000 car (I think it’s called the Mystere) and hit “A” to purchase it as quickly as possible before the new price shows up on the screen.  If you do it correctly, you buy the $200,000 car for 1/10th the price.  It’s also the fastest car that will ensure you win every race.  Check it out.  With or without the glitch it’s a fun and enjoyable game to play.  I think the Dreamcast in general is that way, and they all are very cheap, and as I’ve mentioned before, the games are practically free.  So considering what you pay for ir, the Dreamcast will probably give any collector the most bang for their buck.

#4.  Kid Chameleon  (Sega Genesis)


This is a really great game.  I think it’s one of the hidden gems in the Sega library.  It’s kind of tricky, and just a little bit weird.  I forget what the plot is, but there is one there.  They call him Kid Chameleon because you can run around and get different suits that change you into different things.  There’s one that turns you into Jason (from the Friday the 13th  movie franchise), there’s a Samurai suit, and my favorite (which you don’t get until about the 6th level) suit that turns you into a tank.  There’s 35 (?) I think different suits in all and there are about 5 different suits in each level.  It’s fun running around and just seeing what the suits can do.  It’s even more fun finding your favorite one and dominating the entire game with it!  It’s an average of $4.00 on eBay, or you can get it for the Nintendo Wii’s Virtual Console for 500 points (or $5.00).

#3.  Cubivore  (Game Cube)


I don’t know where to start with this one.  It’s cute, it’s crafty, it’s enjoyable, and it’s just great.  It’s easy to slip into a game like this and find yourself in a trance, trying to get farther and farther into it.  Look at this video, it’s long but it’ll give you a good feel for the game:

Great, right?  It’s a little different, and you can tell that this is not a cookie-cutter game.  That’s why I like it so much!  For just about every popular or trendy game out there you can name, I can retort with at least 10 games that are at least 90% the same.  How many games have you played like Cubivore?  One… and that’s only if you’ve played Cubivore.  It’s worth checking out, and it’s colorful, and a little complex.  At the very least, it’ll make your NyQuil trip pretty interesting.

#2.  Virtual Hydlyde  (Sega Saturn)


This game is friggin’ weird.  It’s perfect for playing while you’re under the weather.  It’s impossible to get bored with.  The map is randomly generated, and it’s so terrible it’s great.  It’s also so great it’s terrible.  You can Youtube some of the game play on this game.. but I won’t dare link it onto this article.  I have not only a moral, but an ethical problem with that.  It’s unspeakably horrible.  Playing this game while you’re ill will be best if you take lots of breaks to puke.  …because you’re sick.  Oh and because the game sucks too.

#1.  Dr. Mario  (NES)


This is a classic, simple, easy, feel-good game.  It’s not considered a “true Mario” game because there are no pipes, no raccoon tails, no fire flowers, no koopas, and no goombas.  It’s a tetris-esque knock off with Mario thrown in to boost the sales numbers.  It’s very worth it, and the best part is it’s beatable even if you’re sick as a dog.

There’s my rundown of how you should spend your sick time.  Anything else is a waste of time.  So instead of heading to the pharmacy aisle of your local grocery store, head to gamestop instead.

See you there.

The Jester.

*All images and videos are property of their respective owners and may be subject to copyright laws.  All images obtained through Google image search. All videos obtained through Youtube search.*

Top 10 Tuesdays 12: Vids to play instead of watching Twilight

Posted in 2000's, Cinemassacre/James Rolfe, Dreamcast (Long Live the...!), Fan Mail, Modern, movies, Twilight on February 10, 2011 by Divide By Zero

This is my first official fan suggested Top 10 Tuesday!  Thank you goes out to Ashleigh  from Ft. Lauderdale.  I know right!  It’s awesome to think that the only girl on the face of the planet that doesn’t like that God-awful saga, is a “humongus [sic] fan of [my] site :):):):):):)!!!”  Very awesome to know.  Work on your spelling and grammar, and calm down a little bit on the emoticons a tad bit, Ashleigh, and I might let you come back more often.

Down to business!  As Ashleigh and I can attest, there’s not too many situations worse than watching any of the Twilight movies.  Well there are, let me see if I can think of some…

Being forced to watch one of those movies.  The bubonic plague was pretty bad, I’m pretty sure watching Twilight is worse than that though.  Having a friend who is all over everything about Twilight.. you just know those kids are going to grow up wrong, in some way/shape/form.  Seriously.. teams?!  There are flocks of girls that chose sides of the movie.  They want to be Bella, and they either want to hook up with a vampire or a werewolf.  Hmm, necrophilia or beastiality.. which one should I pick?  Get outta here with that!  NOT ON MY BLOG!  NOT TODAY PEOPLE!

That brings us to…

The Top 10 Video Games to Play Instead of watching Twilight

I don’t even know why I’m making a “top 10” about this.  I should just say.. All of them.  Every video game ever created, thought of, or fan-made.  Playing any video game is better than suffering through any of those 2 hour (+/-) let-downs.  BUT.  Since this is Top 10 Tuesday, here we go…

#10.  Top Gun  (NES)

Ah yes, this old jewel.  The horrible game based off of a pretty bad movie.  Who else saw this movie and thought that the only good part of it was the very last scene, right before Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer looked like they were about to make out?  And in this game… try landing your plane on that air craft carrier.  You almost have to be a pilot in real life to get that right.  Horrible game.  Better than Twilight.

#9.  Shaq-Fu  (SNES/Genesis)

How do you capitalize on a mediocre basketball franchise name?  With a disappointing game kids will yell and scream for, and then after they get home, they will yell and scream because of the terribleness they just experienced.  This game is so terrible, there was actually a website dedicated to finding and destroying every copy of this game in existence.  Terrible game.  Still better than watching Twilight.

#8.  ANY game released on the Nintendo Virtual Boy  (VB)

It’s hanging it’s head in shame. It knows how bad it is.

This system is the epitome of a flop in the video game world.  It was so bad, it was discontinued (AKA killed) in less than a year after it’s release.  The entire library of video games can be held in one hand.  I think there are only 11 or 12 games total, and they’re about the size of original game boy games.  Almost without exception, there is NO virtual reality involved with any of the games.  The name of the system is Virtual Boy.  And there’s no virtual reality.  Here is a picture of me after that sinks in:

My mind was blown. Is what I'm saying.

Crap-tastic.  Even so! Better than Twilight.

#7.  Rambo  (NES)

You know that feeling you get when you pick your nose, and you slowly pull out that one big juicy booger that’s hooked into your fingernail?  You know what I’m talking about… the one booger that’s really long and feels like it’s suction-cupped to the base of your brain?  This game is a playable version of that feeling.  It makes you cringe, your eyes water, and the only way to describe it is just… agony.  Unnecessary agony.  Kind of like Twilight.  Except it’s a lot better than Twilight.

#6.  Little Red Hood  (NES)

I can’t even begin to explain how unfortunate and appalling this game is.  Let me let a professional explain this one.

http://screwattack.com/videos/AVGN-Little-Red-Hood

That video is definitely worth a watch or three.  Check out how atrocious it is (*whispers* still better than Twilight).

#5.  Seaman  (Dreamcast)

What is going on here?  Piss-poor, NEXT!  Twilight is actually starting to look pretty good.  Wait, what did I just say?  Maybe this list is getting too long.  Ugh, let’s see what else is scraping the bottom of the crap bucket.

#4, #3, #2, #1, and the WINNER!  Everything on the Atari Jaguar.

In my opinion, this system is worse than the virtual boy.  In fact, I’d take the eye strain and potential seizures the virtual boy induces over the masterpiece of God-awfulness this thing puts on the screen.  I’ve actually wanted to own one of these systems just for novelty-sake, and I can’t bring myself to spend around $120 on a system that was only on the market for a day and a half, or whatever.  It was released and the entire program was shut down in half as much time as the virtual boy.  Every game on here is rotten to the core.  They’re hideous beyond belief.  They are obnoxious, dreadful, abhorrent abominations that need to be burned, buried, pee’d on, and forgotten.  With that being said, I will STILL take 2 hours of Cybermorph over sitting through an entire loathesome installment of the Twilight saga.

Whew, that was a lot.  But, it needed to be said.  I’m glad I was the one to say it.

The Jester.

[Please send all hate mail or bashing of my post to delorganization@gmail.com.  I will promptly ignore it.  Good day.]

*All images are property of their respective owners and may be subject to copyright laws.  All images obtained through Google Image Search.  Also, thank you to James Rolfe/the AVGN/cinemassacre.com for the great content.*

Top 10 Tuesdays 6: Vids to play on your honeymoon.

Posted in 1980's, 1990's, 2000's, Dreamcast (Long Live the...!), Girlfriends, Halo, Modern, NES, Playstation, PS2, Retro, TMNT, Top 10 Tuesdays, XBox on January 25, 2011 by Divide By Zero

In hopes of getting through all this winter-y nastiness, I figure I’m going to start looking forward to Spring.  Spring is a wonderful time of the year, and I’d be willing to put money on the fact that there are more weddings in Spring than there are in any other season.  It’s the time of rebirth, rejuvenation, Spring Fever, and starting anew.

If you’re a hardcore gamer, you play games in any given circumstance.  And I mean, on your honeymoon is no exception.  You are going to have some down time in between all the consummating, believe it or not.  Hardcore gamers are more loyal to their video games than mailmen are to the mail.  Nor rain, nor sleet, nor nuptials are going to keep you from playing.  Nor power outages, nor earthquakes, nor slow internet connectivity either.  None of that will stop a true gamer, we’re like electronic Boy Scouts.. we’re always prepared.

It’s a sad but true fact that there are a lot of video gamers out there that rush through work, skip social events, even flake out on funerals [which is astonishingly disrespectful by the way] when they’re in the middle of something on their favorite game.  With that being said, let’s jump right into it, and talk about the…

Top 6 Video Games to Play on Your Honeymoon!

I know what you’re thinking… and yes, this is the first top 10 I’ve done that doesn’t go up to 10.  But if you remember my first Top 10, I said specifically that sometimes I’ll go past 10, sometimes I won’t make it to 10.  So get over it and enjoy the rest of the post.

#6.  The Little Mermaid  (Game Boy/Super Game Boy (SNES))

Okay, I’m going to be honest on this one.  This isn’t only for your new bride to play while you’re in the bathroom, or running down the block to pick up food or whatever it is you’re doing leaving the hotel room.  This is actually a challenging game.  It goes to show that some graphic design companies (in this case Capcom) can take something as little kid-ish and as girly as the little mermaid and actually make a decently challenging game out of it.  I get frustrated playing it, it’s quite hard.  And to be even more honest, it’s only on this list because it’d be a good tool for you and your better half to bond over early on in your marriage. Who knows?  Later on, if she starts getting on your case about playing too much C.O.D. Black Ops, you’ll have at least a little ammunition for your side of the argument.

#5.  18 Wheeler Pro American Trucker (Dreamcast)

If you haven’t played this game, it’s pretty awesome.  The only thing about it is, I’m pretty sure it isn’t realistic at all.  It’s like the difference between Forza Motorsports and Speed Devils.  If you haven’t played those games either, go play them.  AFTER you play 18 wheeler.  I included this game on this list because you’ve just taken a leap of faith with a woman to embark on a new life together.  You need something to help you feel like a man.  Short of taking classes, changing your lifestyle, getting your CDL, and buying a truck… this is it.

#4.  Halo 2  (XBox)

I know, I know.. You’re thinking “Jester… enough with the friggin’ Halo already!”  But I’m telling you, there is never a bad time to play it!  It’s addicting, it revolutionized first person shooters back in the day.  Then Call of Duty manned-up and took the whole fps genre to a different level with their entire franchise.  This game is perfect to play with your new wife because you can either work together towards a common goal [ridding the universe of those pesky aliens] or you can battle to see who is the better soldier.  The choice is yours, just remember… while playing with a new bride, it’s important to take into account that from now on there are going to be consequences to every action you take.  Think about that for a while.

#3.  A Boy and His Blob  (NES)

I can’t report on the new remake they did of this game on the Wii, because I haven’t played it yet.  But this game came up in a conversation I had with a friend of mine about a week ago.  I started thinking about it, and while I was writing up this article, I decided to include it.  I haven’t played through this game in its entirety since I was about 8 years old, so I can’t tell you all about the plot and everything, but here’s what I remember:  You play as the boy, and you have your own blob.  You feed the blob different flavors of jellybeans, and depending on the flavor, the blob changes into a certain shape.  A ladder, or a bridge, or something.  It’s up to you to place the blob in the right place, and feed him the right flavor of jellybean.  It gets rather cryptic, and intriguing.  And if you’re playing it on your honeymoon, you wife is going to be there.  And since you have a wife now, she’s going to remember everything for you.  And since there are about 100 different flavors of jellybeans, and you’ve been married for less than a week, you can use her honed skill to your advantage.  It might be the only time in the marriage you get to do so.  Let me know how that one goes!

#2.  Rampage  (NES)

This also came out on Playstation 1, and again on the PS2, but there’s nothing like playing the original 8-bit game.  It’s a fantastic 2 player game where both of you play as monsters and you just keep traveling right, and destroying buildings.  It’s perfect for if you feel a fight coming on, or if you’ve been playing all the other games on the list, and hogging the controller.  If she actually wants to play with you, great!  If she doesn’t, then you have a whole new set of problems on your hands.

The Winner, and #1.  Battle Toads  (NES)

As we all know, this game is a thinly veiled attempt to cash in on the Ninja Turtles franchise.  This game came out not too long after the TMNTs hit the scene.  So a different company came up with a far-fetched synonym for “ninja” and a different amphibian, threw them together, and marketed them as something different.  It’s been going on since the dawn of time.  Anyways, that’s not why this is the best game to play on your honeymoon.  The reason why is because there is no versus mode, only cooperative.  It’s an arcade style button-masher with one fatal glitch… they left friendly fire turned on.  So if your new mate is talking too much and frustrates you to the point of slapping her or something (or, vice-versa for the girls out there reading this) don’t slap her in real life, that’s a horrible way to go.  Pop in this game, and go to town on her/him.  Blame it on the glitch, they’ll never know the difference.

See you at the reception,

The Jester.

 

*All images are property of their respective owners and may be subject to copyright laws.  All images obtained through Google Image Search.*

Top 10 Tuesdays 5: Video Games To Make Drinking Games Out Of!

Posted in Alcohol Involved, Dreamcast (Long Live the...!), Halo, PS2, Retro, Video Game, XBox on January 11, 2011 by Divide By Zero

Let me start this article by saying that I do not condone drinking alcohol.  I used to drink a lot, but don’t anymore.  Now I think of it as a waste of time, money, energy, and a lot more.  Aside from the fact that it’s unhealthy.  But just because that’s my belief, doesn’t mean it’s the belief of everyone else.  I know the younger people, mostly those who have just turned 21 and thus earned the privilege to drink  alcohol, are all into drinking games.

That being said, here we go with…

THE TOP TEN VIDEO GAMES TO MAKE DRINKING GAMES OUT OF!

Yes, drinking games have supposedly been around since the dawn of, well… drinking.  It started with the ancient Greeks, all the way through the college age kids of today.  They have caused deaths, built fraternity bonds, induced vomiting, and all around been an experience all of us at one time or another have partaken in.  Some of the harder-core drinkers I know claim they can make a drinking game out of anything.  And being the hard-core retro gamer I am, I’m going to do the same thing here.  So let’s start of with…

#10.  Mechwarrior 3050  (SNES)

Have you ever played Mech Warrior on the PC?  Well this is the “primitive” version of that.  It’s an awesome game, and as it turns out it’s kind of challenging.  Not real, real challenging, the way Call of Duty Black Ops tends to be, but just challenging enough to make a little side-game out of.  And it’s not an online game, therefore, it has a “pause” option.

The Rules:

  1. Every time you destroy an enemy Mech, drink.
  2. Every time you destroy an enemy Mech using only your machine gun, take 2 drinks.
  3. Level complete?  Take 3 drinks.

That’s it.  Trust me, that’s all you need.  It won’t get you super drunk or anything, but I guarantee that if it were any harder, you wouldn’t want to play it.

#9.  Sly 2: Band of Theives  (PS2)

I know I’ve written about this game before.  So as you many know, this is more of a game for younger kids.  BUT[!] you can definitely make a side game out of it.  It’s kind of like Grand Theft Auto, insomuch as it has missions, as well as a free-range mode.  Play it for a little while, it grows on you.

The Rules:

  1. Complete a mission, take 2 drinks.
  2. Collect 100 coins, take 2 drinks.
  3. Steal a rare item, take 5 drinks.
  4. Complete one section with 100%, and finish your drink, PLUS one drink.

Childish video game equals a childish drinking game right?  I tried this while drinking Hawaiian Punch, and had to pee 8 times in an hour.

#8.  KISS! Psycho Circus: The Nightmare Child  (Dreamcast)

I may have talked about this game before, but I know it’s a hidden gem.  There’s not too many people out there that know about it.  I’s your basic rockstar-sell-out, built-on-a-DOOM-engine, psychotic first-person-shooter.  It’s actually an alright game.  KISS actually has nothing to do with it except that their name is in the title, and maybe because it’s what KISS used to picture when they were on a bad trip while on stage. Not to mention, the year this game came out (2000), the final boss fight had more enemies on screen at once than any other game out at the time.

The Rules:

  1. I would say “kill an enemy” and drink.  But in this case, you would die before 2 levels were up.  So, kill 15 enemies, drink once.
  2. Find an unusual item/weapon, drink 2.
  3. Find an image of any of the members of KISS, drink 5 (this is a rather hard one).

I mean, check out a screenshot of this game…

The final rule is: drink 3 if you can make sense of this game.  The programmers didn’t have logic in mind when they created it, so if you can understand it, CLEARLY you are too sober.

#7.  Motherload  (Internet Game)

This is a game I stumbled across during Freshman year of college.  Found here [XGen Studios], Motherload is an elegantly simple game.  You play as this little mining contraption that has to drill down through the surface of Mars.  You look for precious gems, hidden artifacts and even dinosaur bones.  Let that sink in.. dinosaur bones… on MARS.  Yeah.  Anyways, you drill down and get different metals/gems, and have to get back to the surface before you run out of fuel, and you can’t take too much damage.  Run out of fuel, or take too much damage, and game over.  You have one life and no continuances.

The Rules:

  1. Drink every 1,000 feet you drill.
  2. Drink every time you sell your metals.
  3. Drink 2 every time you upgrade your vehicle.
  4. Drink 2 every time you fill up your fuel tank.

You will enjoy this one, and it’s definitely not as complicated as you might think.  Get it done, son!

#6.  Air Force Delta  (Dreamcast)

Another game that was great for the Dreamcast, and still is.  It’s your basic fly-around-and-destroy-stuff game.  It’s pretty easy, and with every mission you complete, you get money.  You use the money to buy planes, every time you crash a plane or get shot down, you have to buy that plane again.  So basically planes = lives.

The Rules:

  1. Shoot down a plane, drink 1.
  2. Shoot down a plane with only your machine gun, drink 5 (it’s pretty tough).
  3. Complete a mission, finish your drink.
  4. Buy a plane, take a drink.

Easy game, easy drinking game.  Oh it will get harder… don’t think you’re one of those pilots who can drink while flying.  No one is.

#5.  Tetris  (System Varies)

Ahh tetris.  A game everyone knows.  A game everyone loves.  A game no one can beat (except for the Japanese).  This game is more versatile when it comes to making a drinking game out of it.  Like all of these games though, feel free to play around with the rules.  Add some, subtract some, change it up a little bit.  But this one is really easy to make the side-game out of.

The Rules:

  1. Drink 1 every 5 lines you get.
  2. Drink 2 with every level advancement.
  3. Drink 3 every time you die/start over.
  4. Drink 4 every 5 levels you beat.

Haha, think you know how to play tetris?  After this, you won’t remember how to.

#4.  Grand Theft Auto – Vice City Stories  (PS2)

This has got to be one of my most favorite games in the GTA franchise.  We all know about this one, because it’s not all that old, so…

The Rules:

  1. Get 5 stars, take 5 drinks.
  2. Find a new weapon, get a new drink.
  3. Complete a mission, complete a drink.
  4. Drink for every 2 minutes you are in free range mode, doing nothing.
  5. Blow something up, take a drink.

There’s about 40 more rules you can make right off the top of your head, but that’s way too much.  And when it comes to drinking games, you have to keep it simple.  For all of these games, especially this one, please use beer… if you drink liquor to play this game, it will kill you in minutes.  Be safe with it.

#3.  Halo 1  (XBox)

I told you that this game is my favoritest game ever.  I try to be unbiased, but darn it all, this game is so awesome, there is no bad time to play it.  This one actually ranked higher this time for legitimate reasons though.  It’s up to 16 players, or more likely 1-4 players.  And drinking is supposed to be a social thing, so you need more people around to keep you in line, and make sure you’re not breaking any of the rules.

The Rules (this is for 4-player versus mode):

  1. Kill someone, take a drink.
  2. Die, drink.
  3. Use a vehicle, take a drink.
  4. Chug your beer while waiting for respawn.

Try it, trust me.

 

The winners, and tied for #1.  Street Fighter II  (SNES), & Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 (Genesis)

 

Classic, vibrant, fantastic.  These games are simple button mashers with only two (common) rules..

  1. If you win the fight, you take a drink.
  2. If you lose the fight, you take a drink.

That’s really all you need.  Besides a lot of water and aspirin in the morning.  Good luck.

Make sure you don’t have work/school the next day.

The Jester.

 

*All images are property of their respective owners, and may be subject to copyright laws.  All images obtained through Google Image Search.*

*The author takes no responsibility in the actions/consequences of the readers based on what they do .  All games are to be used without alcohol.  If alcohol is to be used, please drink at your own risk, and pretty please be responsible.  And remember, always in moderation.*

 

Top 10 Tuesdays 4: Christmas Break.

Posted in 1980's, 1990's, 2000's, Alcohol Involved, Dreamcast (Long Live the...!), DS, Modern, Playstation, PS3, Video Game, XBox 360 on December 16, 2010 by Divide By Zero

The season is upon us.. the Winter weather is finally here, and we’re starting to get more time off of work/school.  This is a special Top 10 list for the Christmas season, especially Christmas break.  Or it could be used for any random snow day you happen to have.  It might do really well for any day you actually play hookie from work, too.  This is for the days you are isolated, it’s cold outside, you don’t want to do anything you can’t do from underneath a blanket (Snuggies would work too).  This is for the days you are cut off from everyone and everything but your refrigerator, your video games, and maybe a coffee/hot cocoa maker.  You know those days, the ones where you have no obligations, and no one else is with you except maybe a roommate, a sibling, or a significant other.  The kind of days that just feel different, the way excused absences always do.

For these kind of days, you want something a little challenging, but that’s not too hard to figure out either.  For most of us, that crosses Ecco The Dolphin right off the list.  It’s my opinion though, that in cases like this, you have 2 choices:  1) Either you go back and play games you’ve already beaten, and look for every secret level, and hidden item.  Or 2) you take a tiny step outside of your comfort zone and play some games that you wouldn’t normally play.

If you’re more into FPS games, go with a racing game, or RPG/RTS.  If you’re more into puzzle/problem solving games, go with a simple button masher.  If you’re more into fantasy, find something from the action/adventure section.  Let’s jump right into it with…

#10.  Final Fantasy Origins (PS1)

This game.. I have to be honest with you.  I was reluctant to put this game on the list.  I have never played it.  Well, I’ve tried it, by which I mean, I took over for a friend who had to use the bathroom.  But I’ve seen it played, probably all the way through, and just because I haven’t had the opportunity to get ensconced by something that defined several genres of video games, and spawned about a million sequels/movies/anime shows/etc.. who’s to say you won’t like it?  I found a copy of this at a flea market for $4.  Game, case, manual, lock, stock, and barrel.  Not a bad deal, and I plan on playing it soon enough.  Give it a try!  Fifteen million fan geeks can’t all be wrong.

#9.  StarLancer (DC)

I know everyone expected at least 1 Dreamcast game to be on here.  I’m pretty partial to this system, but I keep my bias under control pretty well.  This is one of those games you play when you have time to kill.  Yeah, there’s a plot, no one knows what it is though.  Yeah, the controls are a little weird and hard to get used to, but you don’t have to work today, so you have time to get used to them.  There are multiple unfair things about the game, and they’re all stacked against you, but it’s okay.  As long as you stay warm today, you win.  So grab some hot cocoa, and get to playing this game.  I guarantee you it does not disappoint as a gigantic time waster, and will keep you busy as well as it will not frustrate you to death.

#8.  BattleTanx Global Assault (PS1)

 

I’m going to be honest with you on this one too..  The only reason why it’s on my list is because I found it on eBay, and I paid $8.94 for it with shipping and everything.  I forgot how awesome of a game this is.  The replay value of it is ridiculous, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve beaten this game, only to come back to it an hour later and start all over again.  It’s perfect for a day when you have nothing to do, no work, no school, just you and a blanket on the couch.  That’s all you need.  Maybe some coffee, because more than once this game has kept me up all night.  They have another version on the N64, and they’re about the same, I think it’s a little cheaper if you want to find a PS1 disc though.  I’d be willing to wager you can get a PS1 system, controllers, and this game for less than you can just the game on N64.  Either way you want to go though.

#7.  Batman Forever (Genesis)

 

Those of you out there who know me personally, know that I am one of the biggest batman nerds there are.  And back when this game was new, I remember having it on the Sega Genesis, as well as the Sega Game Gear.  I never got past the first level because it is such a horrible game.  But if you’re used to playing puzzle games, this would be right up your alley.  The controls are cryptic, the doorways/entryways that take you from screen to screen are unnecessarily hidden in random places, and I’m pretty sure the programmers were drunk when they wrote the code for it.  Because a lot of the stuff that needs to be done by the player would fit perfectly into the programmers saying something like:  “How much would they freak out if we have them do [insert random game play here]?”.  It really is crazy, but it makes sense.  They followed up a pretty terrible Batman movie with a pretty terrible Batman video game.  I’m sure though, as long as you’re shrugging off anything work related, or school related, this is one of the best games for you to plug in and play.  Actually, I’d say it’s the 7th best, haha.

#6.  ZOOP!  (Genesis)

 

Yeah, this is old school.  This is one of those games that boggles the mind, challenges the wit, and makes you solve puzzles.  I recommend playing it on those Christmas break days we’ve been talking about.  I can’t even really accurately describe it.  You’re a thing that has to move other things a certain way in order to collect other things in a row?  I don’t know.  Here’s a video…

The title is the truth.  ZOOP! is a quirky little puzzle game.  It is easy to play, difficult to master, and a lot of fun regardless.  If you find one cheap (I got my copy for one dollar) it’s worth picking up.  Not a classic, but a good retro game to check out.

#5.  Frogger 2: Swampy’s Revenge (DC)

 

In my opinion, this is one of the best games ever to be released on the Dreamcast.  It is an awesomely modern twist on a simple, classic video game that we all know and love.  It was on a newer console, so of course you could save your progress.  That was a God-send.  If you’re familiar with Frogger, that’s what this game is.  Except all the things you wish about Frogger, happened.  It’s 3D, there are more obstacles, there are longer levels, more complex mazes, and the whole she-bang.  If you have a Dreamcast and don’t yet have this game, head on over to dcisozone.com and download/burn it.  It is well worth the 4 minute download time, and 15 second burning time.  Great overall game that would have scored higher if it weren’t for…

#4.  Assassin’s Creed: Altair’s Chronicles.  (Nintendo DS)


This game is awesome.  Especially if you’re a fan of the Assassin’s Creed franchise on XBox 360.  I didn’t really like the thought of this game being on a portable console, but once you sit down and play it, you love it.  It’s perfect for staying in bed, pulling the blanket up over your head, and just going to town on some vids.  Game Stop has been selling used copies of this game for $14.99 but I have seen them cheaper.  I think they’re like $7 if you don’t need a case for it.  Check it out, it gives great use of the stylus (which takes a little time to get used to, but overall is decent), the controls are fluid, and everything is easy to grasp.  I highly recommend this game to anyone, snow day or not.

#3.  Super Mario Bros.  (Wii)

 

I’m trying to put newer games on these lists, for the younger crowd.  But there are just some games that are great.  This one for instance, is like Frogger 2, it’s an awesomely modern twist on a simple and classic game that we all know and love.  That’s really all it boils down to .  People who never played any of the NES Marios love this game, because of the easy and fluid controls.  The hard core gamers love it because it’s what we wish we had way back in the day.  It’s elegant, it’s simple, it’s beautiful.  Go pick it up if you haven’t already!

#2.  Dead Rising.  (XBox 360)

 

This game missed being number 1 this week by an inch.  I love this game, and it’s even arguably better than the second one.  I don’t know for sure, as I don’t have the second one yet.  But of all the people I’ve talked to who also play this game, no one has anything bad to say about it.  It’s great for snow days, or for when you finally get that day off and want to take out your frustration on some zombies.  It’s great to play anytime.  It’s great to play overall.  It’s almost as great to play as…

The Winner, and #1 this week.  Arkham Asylum.  (PS3)

 

Oh.  My.  Gah!  I love this game, and everyone should have a copy of it.  It’s the best thing to happen to Batman fans since Christopher Nolan took over directing the Batman movies from Joel Shumacher.  People complain about the controls, and how depressing some of the music is, and how it doesn’t make any sense.  And to those people, I say.. Fooey!  Go play this game, go play it, go play it now.  The controls couldn’t be easier to understand… of course they get harder as you go along because you gain different abilities and you have to time some of them just right.  And the music is depressing & dark?  It’s BATMAN!  The music is ALWAYS depressing and dark.  I’ve also been told that this game coincides more with the comic books than it does the movies.  With all due respect on that note, it’s even more true to the Batman name than the movies are.  After all, he did first show up in comic books.  So everyone needs to get their story straight before they go bashing a game because they’re not a Batman fan.  This is an awesome game, and I’m here to tell everyone.  Go play it on your next snow day, day off, or right now.  It’s worth the money, and worth the time you put into it.

See you next week…

The Jester. 


*All images are property of their respective owners and may be subject to copyright laws.  Pictures obtained through Google Image Search.*