Archive for the Halo Category

Top 10 Tuesdays 6: Vids to play on your honeymoon.

Posted in 1980's, 1990's, 2000's, Dreamcast (Long Live the...!), Girlfriends, Halo, Modern, NES, Playstation, PS2, Retro, TMNT, Top 10 Tuesdays, XBox on January 25, 2011 by Divide By Zero

In hopes of getting through all this winter-y nastiness, I figure I’m going to start looking forward to Spring.  Spring is a wonderful time of the year, and I’d be willing to put money on the fact that there are more weddings in Spring than there are in any other season.  It’s the time of rebirth, rejuvenation, Spring Fever, and starting anew.

If you’re a hardcore gamer, you play games in any given circumstance.  And I mean, on your honeymoon is no exception.  You are going to have some down time in between all the consummating, believe it or not.  Hardcore gamers are more loyal to their video games than mailmen are to the mail.  Nor rain, nor sleet, nor nuptials are going to keep you from playing.  Nor power outages, nor earthquakes, nor slow internet connectivity either.  None of that will stop a true gamer, we’re like electronic Boy Scouts.. we’re always prepared.

It’s a sad but true fact that there are a lot of video gamers out there that rush through work, skip social events, even flake out on funerals [which is astonishingly disrespectful by the way] when they’re in the middle of something on their favorite game.  With that being said, let’s jump right into it, and talk about the…

Top 6 Video Games to Play on Your Honeymoon!

I know what you’re thinking… and yes, this is the first top 10 I’ve done that doesn’t go up to 10.  But if you remember my first Top 10, I said specifically that sometimes I’ll go past 10, sometimes I won’t make it to 10.  So get over it and enjoy the rest of the post.

#6.  The Little Mermaid  (Game Boy/Super Game Boy (SNES))

Okay, I’m going to be honest on this one.  This isn’t only for your new bride to play while you’re in the bathroom, or running down the block to pick up food or whatever it is you’re doing leaving the hotel room.  This is actually a challenging game.  It goes to show that some graphic design companies (in this case Capcom) can take something as little kid-ish and as girly as the little mermaid and actually make a decently challenging game out of it.  I get frustrated playing it, it’s quite hard.  And to be even more honest, it’s only on this list because it’d be a good tool for you and your better half to bond over early on in your marriage. Who knows?  Later on, if she starts getting on your case about playing too much C.O.D. Black Ops, you’ll have at least a little ammunition for your side of the argument.

#5.  18 Wheeler Pro American Trucker (Dreamcast)

If you haven’t played this game, it’s pretty awesome.  The only thing about it is, I’m pretty sure it isn’t realistic at all.  It’s like the difference between Forza Motorsports and Speed Devils.  If you haven’t played those games either, go play them.  AFTER you play 18 wheeler.  I included this game on this list because you’ve just taken a leap of faith with a woman to embark on a new life together.  You need something to help you feel like a man.  Short of taking classes, changing your lifestyle, getting your CDL, and buying a truck… this is it.

#4.  Halo 2  (XBox)

I know, I know.. You’re thinking “Jester… enough with the friggin’ Halo already!”  But I’m telling you, there is never a bad time to play it!  It’s addicting, it revolutionized first person shooters back in the day.  Then Call of Duty manned-up and took the whole fps genre to a different level with their entire franchise.  This game is perfect to play with your new wife because you can either work together towards a common goal [ridding the universe of those pesky aliens] or you can battle to see who is the better soldier.  The choice is yours, just remember… while playing with a new bride, it’s important to take into account that from now on there are going to be consequences to every action you take.  Think about that for a while.

#3.  A Boy and His Blob  (NES)

I can’t report on the new remake they did of this game on the Wii, because I haven’t played it yet.  But this game came up in a conversation I had with a friend of mine about a week ago.  I started thinking about it, and while I was writing up this article, I decided to include it.  I haven’t played through this game in its entirety since I was about 8 years old, so I can’t tell you all about the plot and everything, but here’s what I remember:  You play as the boy, and you have your own blob.  You feed the blob different flavors of jellybeans, and depending on the flavor, the blob changes into a certain shape.  A ladder, or a bridge, or something.  It’s up to you to place the blob in the right place, and feed him the right flavor of jellybean.  It gets rather cryptic, and intriguing.  And if you’re playing it on your honeymoon, you wife is going to be there.  And since you have a wife now, she’s going to remember everything for you.  And since there are about 100 different flavors of jellybeans, and you’ve been married for less than a week, you can use her honed skill to your advantage.  It might be the only time in the marriage you get to do so.  Let me know how that one goes!

#2.  Rampage  (NES)

This also came out on Playstation 1, and again on the PS2, but there’s nothing like playing the original 8-bit game.  It’s a fantastic 2 player game where both of you play as monsters and you just keep traveling right, and destroying buildings.  It’s perfect for if you feel a fight coming on, or if you’ve been playing all the other games on the list, and hogging the controller.  If she actually wants to play with you, great!  If she doesn’t, then you have a whole new set of problems on your hands.

The Winner, and #1.  Battle Toads  (NES)

As we all know, this game is a thinly veiled attempt to cash in on the Ninja Turtles franchise.  This game came out not too long after the TMNTs hit the scene.  So a different company came up with a far-fetched synonym for “ninja” and a different amphibian, threw them together, and marketed them as something different.  It’s been going on since the dawn of time.  Anyways, that’s not why this is the best game to play on your honeymoon.  The reason why is because there is no versus mode, only cooperative.  It’s an arcade style button-masher with one fatal glitch… they left friendly fire turned on.  So if your new mate is talking too much and frustrates you to the point of slapping her or something (or, vice-versa for the girls out there reading this) don’t slap her in real life, that’s a horrible way to go.  Pop in this game, and go to town on her/him.  Blame it on the glitch, they’ll never know the difference.

See you at the reception,

The Jester.

 

*All images are property of their respective owners and may be subject to copyright laws.  All images obtained through Google Image Search.*

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Top 10 Tuesdays 5: Video Games To Make Drinking Games Out Of!

Posted in Alcohol Involved, Dreamcast (Long Live the...!), Halo, PS2, Retro, Video Game, XBox on January 11, 2011 by Divide By Zero

Let me start this article by saying that I do not condone drinking alcohol.  I used to drink a lot, but don’t anymore.  Now I think of it as a waste of time, money, energy, and a lot more.  Aside from the fact that it’s unhealthy.  But just because that’s my belief, doesn’t mean it’s the belief of everyone else.  I know the younger people, mostly those who have just turned 21 and thus earned the privilege to drink  alcohol, are all into drinking games.

That being said, here we go with…

THE TOP TEN VIDEO GAMES TO MAKE DRINKING GAMES OUT OF!

Yes, drinking games have supposedly been around since the dawn of, well… drinking.  It started with the ancient Greeks, all the way through the college age kids of today.  They have caused deaths, built fraternity bonds, induced vomiting, and all around been an experience all of us at one time or another have partaken in.  Some of the harder-core drinkers I know claim they can make a drinking game out of anything.  And being the hard-core retro gamer I am, I’m going to do the same thing here.  So let’s start of with…

#10.  Mechwarrior 3050  (SNES)

Have you ever played Mech Warrior on the PC?  Well this is the “primitive” version of that.  It’s an awesome game, and as it turns out it’s kind of challenging.  Not real, real challenging, the way Call of Duty Black Ops tends to be, but just challenging enough to make a little side-game out of.  And it’s not an online game, therefore, it has a “pause” option.

The Rules:

  1. Every time you destroy an enemy Mech, drink.
  2. Every time you destroy an enemy Mech using only your machine gun, take 2 drinks.
  3. Level complete?  Take 3 drinks.

That’s it.  Trust me, that’s all you need.  It won’t get you super drunk or anything, but I guarantee that if it were any harder, you wouldn’t want to play it.

#9.  Sly 2: Band of Theives  (PS2)

I know I’ve written about this game before.  So as you many know, this is more of a game for younger kids.  BUT[!] you can definitely make a side game out of it.  It’s kind of like Grand Theft Auto, insomuch as it has missions, as well as a free-range mode.  Play it for a little while, it grows on you.

The Rules:

  1. Complete a mission, take 2 drinks.
  2. Collect 100 coins, take 2 drinks.
  3. Steal a rare item, take 5 drinks.
  4. Complete one section with 100%, and finish your drink, PLUS one drink.

Childish video game equals a childish drinking game right?  I tried this while drinking Hawaiian Punch, and had to pee 8 times in an hour.

#8.  KISS! Psycho Circus: The Nightmare Child  (Dreamcast)

I may have talked about this game before, but I know it’s a hidden gem.  There’s not too many people out there that know about it.  I’s your basic rockstar-sell-out, built-on-a-DOOM-engine, psychotic first-person-shooter.  It’s actually an alright game.  KISS actually has nothing to do with it except that their name is in the title, and maybe because it’s what KISS used to picture when they were on a bad trip while on stage. Not to mention, the year this game came out (2000), the final boss fight had more enemies on screen at once than any other game out at the time.

The Rules:

  1. I would say “kill an enemy” and drink.  But in this case, you would die before 2 levels were up.  So, kill 15 enemies, drink once.
  2. Find an unusual item/weapon, drink 2.
  3. Find an image of any of the members of KISS, drink 5 (this is a rather hard one).

I mean, check out a screenshot of this game…

The final rule is: drink 3 if you can make sense of this game.  The programmers didn’t have logic in mind when they created it, so if you can understand it, CLEARLY you are too sober.

#7.  Motherload  (Internet Game)

This is a game I stumbled across during Freshman year of college.  Found here [XGen Studios], Motherload is an elegantly simple game.  You play as this little mining contraption that has to drill down through the surface of Mars.  You look for precious gems, hidden artifacts and even dinosaur bones.  Let that sink in.. dinosaur bones… on MARS.  Yeah.  Anyways, you drill down and get different metals/gems, and have to get back to the surface before you run out of fuel, and you can’t take too much damage.  Run out of fuel, or take too much damage, and game over.  You have one life and no continuances.

The Rules:

  1. Drink every 1,000 feet you drill.
  2. Drink every time you sell your metals.
  3. Drink 2 every time you upgrade your vehicle.
  4. Drink 2 every time you fill up your fuel tank.

You will enjoy this one, and it’s definitely not as complicated as you might think.  Get it done, son!

#6.  Air Force Delta  (Dreamcast)

Another game that was great for the Dreamcast, and still is.  It’s your basic fly-around-and-destroy-stuff game.  It’s pretty easy, and with every mission you complete, you get money.  You use the money to buy planes, every time you crash a plane or get shot down, you have to buy that plane again.  So basically planes = lives.

The Rules:

  1. Shoot down a plane, drink 1.
  2. Shoot down a plane with only your machine gun, drink 5 (it’s pretty tough).
  3. Complete a mission, finish your drink.
  4. Buy a plane, take a drink.

Easy game, easy drinking game.  Oh it will get harder… don’t think you’re one of those pilots who can drink while flying.  No one is.

#5.  Tetris  (System Varies)

Ahh tetris.  A game everyone knows.  A game everyone loves.  A game no one can beat (except for the Japanese).  This game is more versatile when it comes to making a drinking game out of it.  Like all of these games though, feel free to play around with the rules.  Add some, subtract some, change it up a little bit.  But this one is really easy to make the side-game out of.

The Rules:

  1. Drink 1 every 5 lines you get.
  2. Drink 2 with every level advancement.
  3. Drink 3 every time you die/start over.
  4. Drink 4 every 5 levels you beat.

Haha, think you know how to play tetris?  After this, you won’t remember how to.

#4.  Grand Theft Auto – Vice City Stories  (PS2)

This has got to be one of my most favorite games in the GTA franchise.  We all know about this one, because it’s not all that old, so…

The Rules:

  1. Get 5 stars, take 5 drinks.
  2. Find a new weapon, get a new drink.
  3. Complete a mission, complete a drink.
  4. Drink for every 2 minutes you are in free range mode, doing nothing.
  5. Blow something up, take a drink.

There’s about 40 more rules you can make right off the top of your head, but that’s way too much.  And when it comes to drinking games, you have to keep it simple.  For all of these games, especially this one, please use beer… if you drink liquor to play this game, it will kill you in minutes.  Be safe with it.

#3.  Halo 1  (XBox)

I told you that this game is my favoritest game ever.  I try to be unbiased, but darn it all, this game is so awesome, there is no bad time to play it.  This one actually ranked higher this time for legitimate reasons though.  It’s up to 16 players, or more likely 1-4 players.  And drinking is supposed to be a social thing, so you need more people around to keep you in line, and make sure you’re not breaking any of the rules.

The Rules (this is for 4-player versus mode):

  1. Kill someone, take a drink.
  2. Die, drink.
  3. Use a vehicle, take a drink.
  4. Chug your beer while waiting for respawn.

Try it, trust me.

 

The winners, and tied for #1.  Street Fighter II  (SNES), & Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 (Genesis)

 

Classic, vibrant, fantastic.  These games are simple button mashers with only two (common) rules..

  1. If you win the fight, you take a drink.
  2. If you lose the fight, you take a drink.

That’s really all you need.  Besides a lot of water and aspirin in the morning.  Good luck.

Make sure you don’t have work/school the next day.

The Jester.

 

*All images are property of their respective owners, and may be subject to copyright laws.  All images obtained through Google Image Search.*

*The author takes no responsibility in the actions/consequences of the readers based on what they do .  All games are to be used without alcohol.  If alcohol is to be used, please drink at your own risk, and pretty please be responsible.  And remember, always in moderation.*

 

Top 10 Tuesdays: Thanksgiving Week Special!

Posted in 1980's, 1990's, Alcohol Involved, Cinemassacre/James Rolfe, Forgotten, Halo, Modern, N64, NES, PS2, Retro, Video Game, XBox, Zombies Ate My Neighbors on November 23, 2010 by Divide By Zero

Thanksgiving is here again.  A lot of the “Early Birds” are doing Christmas shopping now, or are anxious to stay up for 36 hours straight and hit all the sales on Black Friday.  This week, families are relocating to other parts of the country for days on end.  Most of us are going to be engrossed in football, and gorging themselves on food until they are legally comatose.  It’s all good times.

In between my gravy-induced black outs, I like to hit up some video games.  Especially if we have little kids, cousins and such, at the house, I like to get them involved.  As many kids as possible.  The more the merrier.  So here are my…

Top 10 Video Games to Play… During Thanksgiving Week.

#10.  Chip N’ Dale Rescue Rangers.  (NES)


This is an easy to play, fun, nostalgic game.  The game play is smooth, and it’s pretty easy to do well throughout the entire game.  It’s last on the list only because it’s a 2 player game.  Two players only?  We live in a world where we can play with anyone from anywhere in the world!  Yes, and that’s all well and good, but Thanksgiving is a time for family.  No matter how weird they are, it’s always better to spend time with the family than with strangers who have an internet connection.  Suck it up.

#9.  Starfox 64. (N64)

This is an oldie but a goodie.  It helped define the Nintendo 64, as much as the original Starfox helped shape the SNES.  It was an instant classic.

Pictured: The good old days.

This is so low on the list, because this one is only a one player game.  I’m only taking into account the campaign mode of the games for this list.  Yes you can compete against each other in Starfox 64, but when you’re with the family you want to move towards a common goal, rather than destroy each other (which is also fun too).  The good thing about this game is that even if you haven’t played it in 10 years, you can beat it in under an hour.  Also, even the younger kids will remember this game.  Most of them have probably played it.  It’s easily substituted so you can hand off your controller smoothly and get to the kitchen before the last turkey leg is gone.

#8.  Duck Hunt. (NES)

LOOK AT THE PIXELS!

If you have the means, this is totally worth it.  This is also only a 2 player game.  THAT’S RIGHT!  Two players, baby!  Did you know that?  If you plug a regular NES controller into the 2nd port, the second player can control the Ducks!  How’s that for a family get together for Thanksgiving?  “You be a duck, and I will shoot you”.  It doesn’t get any better.  This game is also easily substitutable, and it gives an opportunity for the older kids to teach the younger kids what they played when they were growing up.

#8.  Zombies Ate My Neighbors.  (SNES/Genesis)

I did a whole write up on this game.  So I’m kind of biased towards it.  It’s a classic, and it’s perfect for right around Thanksgiving.  All the kids are getting off of their Halloween buzz, and they like seeing all the monsters in one of the games they’re playing.  You can easily learn to play this game in a matter of seconds which makes controller hand-offs really easy.  It’s still two player, but you can let kids play, or if you are surrpunded by adults, you can make a drinking game out of it.

#7.  Marvel Vs. Capcom.  (Dreamcast)

This game made the list because there is something memorable for each age group.  There are easily recognizable characters.  The fights are quick, and the game is addicting.  All the ingredients you need for a room full of people.  I think this is only a 2 player game, but it’s a button-masher and Marvel Vs. Capcom 1 & 2 are pretty much the same game.  This is good if you have about 10 people in a room and they all want to play something.

#6.  Powerstone. (Dreamcast)


This game has all the same qualities you find in Marvel Vs. Capcom, but it’s a 4 player game, and it’s even easier to learn.  There is so much beginner’s luck involved with playing this game, it’s un-comprehend-able.  This is truly one you have to just check out.  And come on, get a nice Dreamcast for about $20, and all the games for free?  This is a game that is both retro and modern.  You can’t beat that.

#5.  Halo. (XBox)

Pictured: The most epic, of the epic.

I’ll be honest, I’m pretty biased about this game.  If I were being honest to myself, this game would make number 1 every week on any top 10 list I’ve ever done, or any I will ever do.  The build up of this game when it was new and “all the rage”, the excitement that came with it, was amazing.  For you younger kids, you had to be there.  It was the only reason I bought an XBox, originally.  But it’s great, like I said, if you have the means you can have up to 16 players (if you have 4 tv’s lying around, and a hub… you’re in good shape.  Now, if only I had 15 friends that wanted to hang around me long enough to get through a round.  It’s also weird, the thing about halo, and any alien game all the way back to space invaders are categorized as favorites among people with Xenophobia; the fear of foreigners.  What a perfect game to play while celebrating the British taking a country away from the natives, and calling it their own — creating a new nation/nationality with it?  This is one that everyone will enjoy.  It takes a while to pick up the controls, but it’s well worth it.  And there’s never really a bad time to play it.  Thanksgiving or not, pick up a copy of this, and it’s game on, baby!

#4.  007 Goldeneye.  (N64)

Remember when Pierce Brosnan was on top of the world?

Who can say ‘no’ to this?  Everyone loves 007!  Or at least everyone knows about 007.  It’s great for the kids to play, as the N64 is within their grasp, it’ll bring the 20/30-somethings back to the past, and it will give the older people in the room something to watch.  This game I think helped make the N64 what it was.  It was a yard stick for all 007 games that followed it.  It’s up to 4 players, so it’s great for getting out frustration with your little nephews, or cousins.  Shoot’em in the face!  That’ll show them to take the last of the stuffing.

#3.  Rockband.  (XBox 360)

Making tweens think they can start a band, since its release date.

You knew this game was going to make the list.  I haven’t been to a party that didn’t have this all set up since it came out.  Personally, I hate it, but I have it at my house.  Just in case a party breaks out, it’s there, in a box, in the closet.  This game, everyone knows how to play, but no one is good at.  People pick up the mic, and they can’t sing.  The quiet guy in the corner can play the guitar on expert and get 99% or better on every song, but show him a real guitar and he scratches his head.  The drums are okay, because it’s kind of similar to the real thing.  It’ll make for some good stories later.  Either way, play it if you’re into it, if you’re not, skip ahead to….

#2.  Mario Kart 64.  (You guessed it: N64)

Need I say more?  4 players of competitive Thanksgiving-y goodness.  Everyone loves it, everyone can play it, and everyone will have a good time.  The only thing you have to worry about is gravy on your controllers.  Gross.

#1, and the winner this week.  Guitar Hero 1 or 3: Legends of Rock.  (PS2)

Awesome classic, I like this game.  It takes a while to get used to, but it’s a great way to bond and everyone will try it at least once.  Later on you can say to your uncle Silas: “Whoa dude, you totally melted face on that solo.”  Because I mean, who gets to say that to their uncle?  And more importantly, who has an uncle named “Silas”?  Your family is weird.  It’s also got a little retro mixed in, because of the songs, but it’s more modern than anything.  And I’ve been told if you stare at the screen for long enough, you get some really trippy visual effects that are always good in a party-like setting.

There you have it.  My top 10 best games to play for Thanksgiving.  Pick one and try it out.  Or don’t.  I already got your page view, so if you don’t like my advice, come back next week.  Another list, another 10, another category.

I’ll see you by the fridge, I’ll be the one with a guitar hero guitar strapped to my back.

The Jester. 


*All pictures are property of their respective owners, and may be subject to copyright laws.  Images obtained through Google Image Search.*