Archive for the Top 10 Tuesdays Category

Top 10 Tuesdays 16: T.V Shows

Posted in Modern, T.V. shows, Top 10 Tuesdays on April 12, 2011 by Divide By Zero

If You’re like me, there’s nothing better than coming home from work, getting a hot shower, something good to eat, kicking your feet up, and flipping on the tube just in time for your favorite shows to come on.  There are a million different T.V. shows out there, but I’m going to count down my favorite 10 non-animated T.V. shows.  Your list may differ a little bit, but when your blog grows up big and strong like mine, you can go ahead and write your own list.

#10.  Breaking Bad


This show is just awesome.  Malcom in the Middle’s dad and some other little punk kid start making a ton of bank by cooking crystal meth.  There are all kinds of twists and turns, and it just shows you what a slippery slope dealing drugs is.  There are all kinds of close calls, and it doesn’t help that the main guy’s brother-in-law is a head honcho in the DEA.  It’s full of drama, and 95% of the time will keep you on the edge of your seat.  Give it a watch.

#9.  Pawn Stars


I absolutely love, love, love the History Channel.  Before you can say anything to the effect of “But Jester, this isn’t a real history show!” let me explain something.  Yes, there are a lot of documentaries on the History Channel that I watch.  The rise and fall of the Roman Empire, Nazi Secrets and the Occult, anything on the Civil War or WWI always catch my interest.  But rarely do they have a series of documentaries that will catch (and hold) my interest.  Pawn Stars is a break from all of that, which has entertaining characters and scenarios, and also offers a little bit of history of its own.  I know this isn’t your average pawn shop.  I grew up in Northern Virginia, and there were pawn shops a plenty.  There was one man who lived across the street from one of my best friends at the time who owned 3 pawn shops.  This man had more awesome cars than he knew what to do with.  He had 2 Shelby Cobras that he competitively raced, an old mustang that had toeasily be worth 100 grand, I saw a few Corvettes (new and vintage) in his driveway a time or two, and I’m pretty sure there was a yellow Ferrari there for a little while.  So the pawn business must have been pretty good to him.  But I’ve been inside 2 of his shops, and it was mostly used electronics, jewelry, archery bows, and modern pistols and hunting rifles.  He had a small section of car stereos and heavy duty tools, but there wasn’t much more than that.  The Pawn Stars make me want to go to Vegas and buy something out of their shop just to say I’ve been there.  Also, I like the idea of becoming a celebrity (however small) over your own family business, it’s a great sign of success.  Another perfect example of that is American Choppers.  Anyways, I love this show because the information you learn about each individual piece that comes into the shop.  Did you know that Evil Kinevel’s first motorcycle was a Harley that he stole when he was 13?  Pawn Stars taught me that.

#8.  House


I used to love watching medical dramas with my father.  I’d wake up at all hours of the afternoon and he’d be watching Forensic Files, Dr. G: Medical Examiner, or anything on Discovery Health.  I turned my dad onto watching House and he made it a point to start watching that show whenever it came on.  He loved it, so maybe this one is more of a comfort blanket for me.  In either case though, the cast is awesome, the plot is very detailed and finely tuned, and the characters are very vivid with a detailed past that shines through in every episode.  It’s rare to have all of that in one show.  PLUS(!) they play marathons of house on USA every week or so (at least a couple of times a month).  A very enjoyable show with just enough comic relief to call itself a drama without it being solely run on the Lifetime Network.

#7.  Everybody Loves Raymond

Some people might say this show is overplayed, old, stale, or lifeless.  I say the exact opposite.  I am a little biased though, because this was my fathers favorite show.  he never missed an episode, even if it came on Nick at Nite at 3am.  That’s how much he loved it.  So this is definitely a safety blanket for me, I feel closer to him whenever I watch an episode.  I don’t think I have to explain the synopsis or characters to anyone out there because I’m pretty sure everyone in the world has seen at least one episode.  But here goes anyways: it portrays a borderline dysfunctional family with original characters and an amazing cast.  Seriously, have you seen Peter Boyle alongside Gene Wilder in the old black and white movie Young frankenstein?  Have you read the cookbook/partial autobiography written by Doris Roberts entitled Are you hungry, Dear?  The cast is amazing and those two people are very accurate in portraying the stereotypical “crazy parents” that you’re always embarrassed of growing up.  You know the kind, the parents you don’t want your friends to meet because “they’re just so weeeeeird”.  It’s great.

#6.  Two and a Half Men

I like this show because it’s kind of like watching a PG version of Charlie Sheen be himself.  And who doesn’t really want to see what one of the biggest non-rockstar party animals of our generation is like?  The mom is hilarious, as is the neurotic brother, Alan.  Here’s a little known fact, Jon Cryer played a really weird character (I believe it was the son of Lex Luthor) in the movie Superman IV.  He also won an Emmy over Neil Patrick Harris’ performance in How I Met Your Mother, so he must be doing something right.  The only complaint I have for this show is that the little kid playing Jake has progressively gotten less and less funny as he’s gotten older.  I know for this show, everyone involved has been at the mercy of Charlie Sheens personal life and reputation, and I hope for the shows sake that they find a replacement for Sheen and let everyone keep their job.

#5.  Scrubs

Here’s another show that everyone says is overplayed.  But I think it was hilarious from the first season, to the last.  It sucks that it was canceled.. twice for that matter.  But it truly was an entertaining show.  It launched Zach Braffs career as an actor, director, and if I’m not mistaken, as a writer.  It made Donald Faison (the black guy) known for something more than the movie Clueless.  It also made a lot of guys develop a TV crush on Sarah Chalke, the multi-talented, multi-lingual, and mega-hott actress.  Here’s something interesting, Neill Flynn, the Janitor is a Bradley University Alumni.  Bradley is where I spent my first 3 years of college.  A very enjoyable show, and worth multiple viewings.  It also inspired a spin-off where they got almost the entire cast back together and it was called: Scrubs Med School.  I think that ultimately turned out to be a flop though.

POST SCRIPT: My apologies.  Scrubs Med School was the unofficial title of the ninth and final season of scrubs, it was not a spin-off.

#4.  Frasier

This is my favorite and undoubtedly the most popular spin-off of Cheers.  It was definitely the most successful.  I believe this is the oldest show on my list, and is only one of 3 that is solely in syndication.  I just love the way Kelsey Grammer is hilariously pompus, and his voice makes his on screen radio personality eerily believable.  I also love the back and forth Frasier has with his brother Niles, and his housekeeper Daphne (who is now on Hot in Cleveland with Betty White).  My favorite character of all though has got to be John Mahoney as the father of Frasier and Niles, Marty Crane.  The casting for this show was nothing less than outstanding.  If you’ve never watched an episode, watch one.  I’d be willing to wager that it will soon become one of your guilty pleasures, as it has mine.

#3.  The Big Bang Theory

This is the modern day Frasier for a younger audience.  Each one of the main 4 guys does an outstanding job at their role.  All of them, at least once an episode, but usually more, get a really big laugh in with a quotable quote.  Overall it is very enjoyable and I can’t wait for it to come on every Thursday night!

#2.  It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

This show is truly a rags to riches story.  All of the main characters are the creators of the show.  None of them had any previous Hollywood experience and now the show is in its 6th or 7th season!  And the main guys (Mac, Charlie and Dennis) are writers, producers, and directors.  Not to mention they star in their own show.  Hilarity ensues with everything they do.  It’s a little crude or raunchy, and it’s really not for everyone, but I can’t get enough of it.  It’s definitely not for the whole family, so don’t go inviting your mom to watch the DVDs with you.  And it’s perfect because the guys have really short attention spans, can’t stay focused on anything for very long, and everything they do starts out with good intentions but ends up in a horrible mess.  Life is a slippery slope, and this show puts the exclamation point at the end of that statement.

The Winner, and #1.  How I Met Your mother

This show is truly enjoyable from the pilot episode all the way up until the most recent one.  I had never watched this show, but was strolling through best buy one day and bought the first season of it on DVD because it was on sale for very cheap.  After that, I had to get every season the day it came out.  This is a show you can watch with your mom, or brother, or anyone really.  There are some awesome jokes, and running gags, as well as different subplots in each episode that tie in with something that happened in a previous season.  The producers and directors do a fantastic job of bringing everything full circle in a timely manner.  The main characters name is Ted, but Neil Patrick Harris’ role of Barney steals the show.  Every.  Time!  did you know he got that role because of his appearance in Harold and Kumar go to White Castle?  That’s how it happened.

See you on the couch from 8-10 most weeknights.

The Jester.

 

*All images are property of their respective owners and may be subject to copyright laws.  All images obtained through Google Image Search.*

Top 10 Tuesdays 15: Movies to Watch…

Posted in movies, Top 10 Tuesdays on March 8, 2011 by Divide By Zero

 

I figured I’d do things a little different this week for my Top 10 list.  If you’ve noticed with my Nerdy Monday posts, I’ve been reviewing some of the strong points of some of my favorite movies.  I’m trying to break up my usual routine of reviewing video games that have been around for ages, as well as to not bore you guys (my readers).  Also, I play video games more than most people would deem necessary, or even healthy, anyways.  That brings us to this weeks Top 10 Tuesdays:

Top 10 Movies to watch when you don’t feel like playing video games.

#10.  Clerks II  (2006)

For me, this was an instant classic.  Brought to us by the very talented Kevin Smith, it is hilarious.  It’s perfect if you’re looking for a movie you don’t really have to pay attention to, to enjoy.  But the more you pay attention, the more you will laugh.  So order a pizza, turn off the Atari, and pop this movie in.  You don’t even have to see the first one to understand/enjoy it.

#9.  Goodfellas  (1990)

There’s never really a bad time to watch this one.  I can understand how not everyone who likes movies, likes The Godfather (even though it is one of the best movies of all time).  The Godfather is long, it’s drawn out, it makes you pay attention, and those daggone Italians are just weird!  Goodfellas however is in the same vein as The Godfather, but it’s more modernized, and instead of showing what a mafia family looks like from the inside looking out (like the Godfather), it shows what a mafia family looks like from the outside looking in.  Which I believe makes it easier to understand.  Even if you don’t like mafia movies, you’ll like this movie.  So unplug the Nintendo, grab some popcorn and give it a watch.

#8.  Waiting  (2005)

Perfect for anyone who has ever worked in a restaurant… or eaten in one for that matter.  Ryan Reynolds and Justin Long have excellent play, off of one another.  And Dane cook is in there as an EXTRA, before he became world famous.  He has like 2 lines and I find it hilarious that when Comedy Central advertises it, they throw in Dane Cook’s name.  Yeah, I’m not even sure if he’s credited for the role… he’s just sort of there.  Put down the Sega Genesis controller and get ready to laugh and/or be a little disgusted after watching this one.

#7.  Wedding Crashers  (2005)


What can I say about this movie?  Hilarious, great, inspiring, awespiring, and super-duper don’t even begin to describe it.  I guarantee you that this movie was responsible for about 10,000 weddings across the country being crashed back in 2005/2006/2007.  And that’s just low-balling it.  The way Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn have their back-and-forth scenes, never gets old.  Christopher Walken is amazing.. it’s really one of his better roles, and I’m not certain but I think this launched Bradley Cooper’s career (He’s one of the dudes from the Hangover).  Great movie, Push the N64 out of the way, kick your feet up and enjoy.

#6.  Without A Paddle  (2004)


This movie, I don’t think a lot of people know about it.  It was from before Seth Green came out with the whole Robot Chicken fandango, and it was right on the cusp of him becoming as famous as he is today.  It also features one of my most favorite actors, Matthew Lillard.  He is an underrated guy, and insanely funny.  Just his whole persona with the don’t-really-care-about-this attitude make just about anything funny.  Dax Shepard is also in it, and completes the trifecta of awesomeness that is Without A Paddle.  A hilarious albeit relatively unknown movie that deserves more attention than your Dreamcast does.

#5.  Fight Club  (1999)

Wow, really?  I put this movie on the list?  I have to pay attention to what I write down the night before.  This movie is just flat out awesome.  It’s in a league of its own.  It’s incredible, and deserves at least one viewing by anyone.  You will want to watch it more than once after you see the ending for the first time and SPOILER ALERT! find out that Brad Pitt’s character is a figment of Edward Norton’s imagination.  The perfect substitution for playing anything on Sega Saturn.. check it out and tell me if I’m wrong.

#4.  The Boondock Saints  (1999)


The first time I watched this movie, I watched it 4 times in a row.  I love everything about it.. the writing, the complexity, the characters, the actors, the setup, the plot.  It is the perfect “guys movie” — and in fact there have been more than one of my guy friends that have told me if they were to ever cheat on their girlfriends/wives.. it would be with this movie.  I can’t explain to you how awesome this movie is.  What is it with 1999 and making badass movies?  Way better than anything on your Game Boy.

#3.  Batman  (1989)


I usually try to let my own personal bias into these lists I make, but this one is a given.  Batman is the greatest superhero of all time.. and Jack Nicholson does a great performance as the joker.  There was a perfect showdown between good and evil in this movie.  It wasn’t overblown, it wasn’t overcomplicated, it wasn’t over- or under- anything.  It was an elegantly done performance by both actors and by the entire supporting cast.  Because of this movie, I often wonder how the whole Batman movie franchise would have turned out if Tim Burton had stayed on as the director for all of them.  Ah well, that’s just wishful thinking.  Put down your XBox controller– throw it across the room even.  Do it now, thank me later.

#2.  Christmas Vacation  (1989)


If you haven’t seen this movie, then you just need to excuse yourself from the computer right now, go to the bathroom, look at yourself in the mirror, and punch yourself in the face.  G’head.. I’ll wait.

Okay good.  This movie is a guilty pleasure of mine and gets watched at the very least once a year.  It’s great, it’s Christmasy, and it’s just.. great.

The Winner and #1 this week.  Eurotrip  (2004)

 
Quite possibly one of the funniest movies of all time.  This is your homework before you read my next Nerdy Monday’s article:  If you haven’t watched this movie, go watch it.  If you have watched this movie, watch it again.  More to come on this one.

 

Honorable Mentions:

  • A Murder of Crows
  • Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze
  • Ready to Rumble

See you at the Blockbuster.

The Jester.

 

*All images are property of their respective owners and may be subject to copyright laws.  All images obtained through Google Image Search.*

Top 10 Tuesdays 14: For Them Sick People Out There

Posted in 1980's, 1990's, 2000's, Dreamcast (Long Live the...!), Modern, N64, NES, PS2, Retro, Top 10 Tuesdays, Transformers on February 25, 2011 by Divide By Zero

It’s that time of year again.  Everyone at my day job either has been or is now sick.  Same thing goes for the people at my night job, my weekend job, everyone I tutor, and everyone I meet.  Except for me, of course.  My immune system is one of the parts of my body that is actually more awesome than I am.

Therefore, I have taken it upon myself to give you some suggestions as to how to spend the time off you’re inevitably going to take at the slightest tickle in your throat.  Therefore, let’s get right down to brass tax with:

The Top 10 Video Games To Play When You’re Sick

#10.  Virtua Cop  (Sega Saturn)


You’re already in a crappy mood.  You may as well try and play a crappy game on a crappy system.  Playing this game with a normal controller is horrible, and I’m guessing playing with a light gun controller isn’t very much better.  And finding a plot in this game is harder than finding a pulse a palm tree.  But it’s worth checking out.  And I think I got my copy for $1.00 including shipping.

#9.  Bubsy II  (Sega Genesis)


This is a silly, childish, “feel-good” kind of game that most people would consider a “kiddy-game” but it’s still awesome.  I could go on for pages and pages about all the different quirky little things involved with this game that are enjoyable.  But I don’t have time, because this is just a top 10 list.  Consider this one chicken soup for your video game itch.

#8.  Aladdin  (Sega Genesis)


My mom used to really get into this game, so i don’t know how well this one will work for everyone, but for me it’s a comfort game.  So if you miss your mommy, or she isn’t there for one reason or another, to take care of you, this is the game to play.

#7.  Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen  (PS2)


There is never a bad time to play this game.  Optimus Prime’s butt-kicking ability mixed with the other characters special moves that you get to play will have you feeling like you can take on the world again in no time!  Definitely worth checking out.. I think I paid about $6.00 for my copy, and it is well worth the investment!

#6.  Mario 64  (N64)


This is a great overall game that used to take weeks out of our respective schedules to beat.  Now you can get it done if you can manage to get 2, possibly 3 days off from work/school.  Plus it’s good to play this game to the point where you can beat it, if only to have it under your belt.

#5.  Speed Devils  (DC)


You can definitely beat this game if you aren’t sick enough to get more than one day off.  There’s a glitch you can use that will help you out.  The most expensive car is $200,000.  The one next to it in the showroom is $20,000.  Once you save up the 20 grand, look at the car that you can afford with it, then if you switch to the $200,000 car (I think it’s called the Mystere) and hit “A” to purchase it as quickly as possible before the new price shows up on the screen.  If you do it correctly, you buy the $200,000 car for 1/10th the price.  It’s also the fastest car that will ensure you win every race.  Check it out.  With or without the glitch it’s a fun and enjoyable game to play.  I think the Dreamcast in general is that way, and they all are very cheap, and as I’ve mentioned before, the games are practically free.  So considering what you pay for ir, the Dreamcast will probably give any collector the most bang for their buck.

#4.  Kid Chameleon  (Sega Genesis)


This is a really great game.  I think it’s one of the hidden gems in the Sega library.  It’s kind of tricky, and just a little bit weird.  I forget what the plot is, but there is one there.  They call him Kid Chameleon because you can run around and get different suits that change you into different things.  There’s one that turns you into Jason (from the Friday the 13th  movie franchise), there’s a Samurai suit, and my favorite (which you don’t get until about the 6th level) suit that turns you into a tank.  There’s 35 (?) I think different suits in all and there are about 5 different suits in each level.  It’s fun running around and just seeing what the suits can do.  It’s even more fun finding your favorite one and dominating the entire game with it!  It’s an average of $4.00 on eBay, or you can get it for the Nintendo Wii’s Virtual Console for 500 points (or $5.00).

#3.  Cubivore  (Game Cube)


I don’t know where to start with this one.  It’s cute, it’s crafty, it’s enjoyable, and it’s just great.  It’s easy to slip into a game like this and find yourself in a trance, trying to get farther and farther into it.  Look at this video, it’s long but it’ll give you a good feel for the game:

Great, right?  It’s a little different, and you can tell that this is not a cookie-cutter game.  That’s why I like it so much!  For just about every popular or trendy game out there you can name, I can retort with at least 10 games that are at least 90% the same.  How many games have you played like Cubivore?  One… and that’s only if you’ve played Cubivore.  It’s worth checking out, and it’s colorful, and a little complex.  At the very least, it’ll make your NyQuil trip pretty interesting.

#2.  Virtual Hydlyde  (Sega Saturn)


This game is friggin’ weird.  It’s perfect for playing while you’re under the weather.  It’s impossible to get bored with.  The map is randomly generated, and it’s so terrible it’s great.  It’s also so great it’s terrible.  You can Youtube some of the game play on this game.. but I won’t dare link it onto this article.  I have not only a moral, but an ethical problem with that.  It’s unspeakably horrible.  Playing this game while you’re ill will be best if you take lots of breaks to puke.  …because you’re sick.  Oh and because the game sucks too.

#1.  Dr. Mario  (NES)


This is a classic, simple, easy, feel-good game.  It’s not considered a “true Mario” game because there are no pipes, no raccoon tails, no fire flowers, no koopas, and no goombas.  It’s a tetris-esque knock off with Mario thrown in to boost the sales numbers.  It’s very worth it, and the best part is it’s beatable even if you’re sick as a dog.

There’s my rundown of how you should spend your sick time.  Anything else is a waste of time.  So instead of heading to the pharmacy aisle of your local grocery store, head to gamestop instead.

See you there.

The Jester.

*All images and videos are property of their respective owners and may be subject to copyright laws.  All images obtained through Google image search. All videos obtained through Youtube search.*

Top 10 Tuesdays 13: For People With Short Attention Spans

Posted in Top 10 Tuesdays on February 19, 2011 by Divide By Zero

There are some people out there that don’t have the ability to read an entire article I write, or a book, or a newspaper. You know the type, they get the newspaper, go straight to the comics and then maybe skim through a few article titles before they “finish it”. Then they put it away and go find something else to do. People that have this “affliction” more severely than others are labeled as being ADHD. For the rest of those people though, they merely have a shorter than average attention span.

It affects people of all ages, races, religions, genders, political backgrounds, and it doesn’t matter if you a neat freak, kind of a slob, or anywhere in between. If someone you know can’t finish one of my articles, it’s not because I’m a bad writer, or I’m not funny or whatever, (because I’m awesome at writing funny things) it’s because they have an attention span that can only be measured in nanoseconds.

Some people are tolerable, some people you can’t stand to talk to them because you can’t keep up in a conversation with them. It’s crazy right. I’m pretty sure every one of you out there have met at least one person like that. You talk to them for 30 minutes, and you have to go take a nap for 2 hours because your mind is exhausted. Well, those people have been alienated for long enough. If they can’t find anything to do, I took this opportunity to give them something to do. So here we go with:

The Top 10 Video Games to Play When You Have a Short Attention Span!

#10. Tetris (system varies)

I know this game comes up a lot, but hear me out! Tetris has been proven to be visually stimulating, help develop problem solving skills as well as boost independence in Japanese youths. Yes, there were actually a team of scientists back around 2001 that studied what traits Tetris would strengthen in little kids. And the parents got paid something like the equivalent of $500 a week to make their kid play Tetris for 2 hours a day. Overall that study included 50 (or so) children. Three of them went on to be Tetris Grandmasters. Which apparently is a huge deal over in Japan.

That’s beside the point though. Tetris requires input from the player constantly, and almost immediately after the last input. It’s perfect for helping you sharpen your focus skills because you can win or lose in the blink of an eye.

#9. Rocket Knight Adventures (Genesis)

I may have mentioned this game once or twice before, but it really is a great game. It’s a little off the beaten path, and has great continuity when it comes to controls, and in game enjoyment. It makes you wonder what’s going to happen next for a split second, and then bam! You’re in a jam and you have to figure out how to get out of it. Great for my ADD/ADHD friends who forgot to take their meds that day. I’ve tried plopping them down in front of this game, and it usually works for about 45 minutes to an hour. Which, if you know people with attention spans about half an inch long, you know that’s a God-send.

 

#8. Call of Duty Black Ops (PS3)

I’m not talking about the entire game. Specifically, I’m talking about the Nazi Zombies part. I’ve recently been playing this part of this game, and it’s so entrancing that you get sucked in to it quite quickly. And seriously… all it is, is killing a bunch of undead fascists. I hate Nazis, and I’m not particularly fond of zombies.. it’s a win-win for me. Even if you don’t have a miniscule span of attention, this game makes you focus quick. Each round is a little bit longer than the last. That’s what happens, you have rounds you go through, each with more and more zombies. Supposedly there is no end to the number of rounds you can reach because the programmers reached a point in the game where they put in an infinite loop. The game is fairly new though, so that has yet to be proven. I don’t spend time on game forums either, therefore I have no idea what the record is right now. I can get to round 9.

 

#7. Galaga (NES/System varies)

This game became popular with its debut on the 8-bit Nintendo Entertainment System. But I say “System varies” because they ported this game via another game called “Namco Museum” It’s on the Sega Dreamcast, the PS1, the Game Boy Advanced SP, PS2, and I believe the Nintendo DS as well. This game is great because again, I think the levels are infinite, but I’m probably wrong on that one. I know if you sit down and play for an hour straight you won’t beat the game. It kind of goes along with the same theme of Tetris, you constantly need to input controls, and you have to bring your A-Game for this one. It’s a space style shoot’em up where you play as one ship against a billion different insect-looking other ships that come out in different formations. If they shoot you, you die, if they hit into you, you die, they can capture you and if you shoot your own ship, you die. Die 3 times, and it’s back to the beginning without passing “Go” or collecting your 200 dollars. If your attention span is really tiny, you’re not even reading this far into the paragraph, and you’ve found something else to do. Hopefully it’s play Galaga.

 

The Winner, and #1 this week: Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood (PS3)

Let’s be honest now. I was catering this article to those of you with short attention spans. There is absolutely no way that you would sit and read another 5 mini-reviews before skipping ahead, and scrolling down to #1. I know that, and you know that. Anyways, everything you need to know about this game, can be found here . It’s the review I did a few weeks back on why this game is awesome. There are so many things to do in this game, you couldn’t possibly focus on anything else. You don’t have time to think about anything else when you play ACB.

 

*All images are property of their respective owners and may be subject to copyright laws.  All images obtained through Google Image Search.*

Top 10 Tuesdays 6: Vids to play on your honeymoon.

Posted in 1980's, 1990's, 2000's, Dreamcast (Long Live the...!), Girlfriends, Halo, Modern, NES, Playstation, PS2, Retro, TMNT, Top 10 Tuesdays, XBox on January 25, 2011 by Divide By Zero

In hopes of getting through all this winter-y nastiness, I figure I’m going to start looking forward to Spring.  Spring is a wonderful time of the year, and I’d be willing to put money on the fact that there are more weddings in Spring than there are in any other season.  It’s the time of rebirth, rejuvenation, Spring Fever, and starting anew.

If you’re a hardcore gamer, you play games in any given circumstance.  And I mean, on your honeymoon is no exception.  You are going to have some down time in between all the consummating, believe it or not.  Hardcore gamers are more loyal to their video games than mailmen are to the mail.  Nor rain, nor sleet, nor nuptials are going to keep you from playing.  Nor power outages, nor earthquakes, nor slow internet connectivity either.  None of that will stop a true gamer, we’re like electronic Boy Scouts.. we’re always prepared.

It’s a sad but true fact that there are a lot of video gamers out there that rush through work, skip social events, even flake out on funerals [which is astonishingly disrespectful by the way] when they’re in the middle of something on their favorite game.  With that being said, let’s jump right into it, and talk about the…

Top 6 Video Games to Play on Your Honeymoon!

I know what you’re thinking… and yes, this is the first top 10 I’ve done that doesn’t go up to 10.  But if you remember my first Top 10, I said specifically that sometimes I’ll go past 10, sometimes I won’t make it to 10.  So get over it and enjoy the rest of the post.

#6.  The Little Mermaid  (Game Boy/Super Game Boy (SNES))

Okay, I’m going to be honest on this one.  This isn’t only for your new bride to play while you’re in the bathroom, or running down the block to pick up food or whatever it is you’re doing leaving the hotel room.  This is actually a challenging game.  It goes to show that some graphic design companies (in this case Capcom) can take something as little kid-ish and as girly as the little mermaid and actually make a decently challenging game out of it.  I get frustrated playing it, it’s quite hard.  And to be even more honest, it’s only on this list because it’d be a good tool for you and your better half to bond over early on in your marriage. Who knows?  Later on, if she starts getting on your case about playing too much C.O.D. Black Ops, you’ll have at least a little ammunition for your side of the argument.

#5.  18 Wheeler Pro American Trucker (Dreamcast)

If you haven’t played this game, it’s pretty awesome.  The only thing about it is, I’m pretty sure it isn’t realistic at all.  It’s like the difference between Forza Motorsports and Speed Devils.  If you haven’t played those games either, go play them.  AFTER you play 18 wheeler.  I included this game on this list because you’ve just taken a leap of faith with a woman to embark on a new life together.  You need something to help you feel like a man.  Short of taking classes, changing your lifestyle, getting your CDL, and buying a truck… this is it.

#4.  Halo 2  (XBox)

I know, I know.. You’re thinking “Jester… enough with the friggin’ Halo already!”  But I’m telling you, there is never a bad time to play it!  It’s addicting, it revolutionized first person shooters back in the day.  Then Call of Duty manned-up and took the whole fps genre to a different level with their entire franchise.  This game is perfect to play with your new wife because you can either work together towards a common goal [ridding the universe of those pesky aliens] or you can battle to see who is the better soldier.  The choice is yours, just remember… while playing with a new bride, it’s important to take into account that from now on there are going to be consequences to every action you take.  Think about that for a while.

#3.  A Boy and His Blob  (NES)

I can’t report on the new remake they did of this game on the Wii, because I haven’t played it yet.  But this game came up in a conversation I had with a friend of mine about a week ago.  I started thinking about it, and while I was writing up this article, I decided to include it.  I haven’t played through this game in its entirety since I was about 8 years old, so I can’t tell you all about the plot and everything, but here’s what I remember:  You play as the boy, and you have your own blob.  You feed the blob different flavors of jellybeans, and depending on the flavor, the blob changes into a certain shape.  A ladder, or a bridge, or something.  It’s up to you to place the blob in the right place, and feed him the right flavor of jellybean.  It gets rather cryptic, and intriguing.  And if you’re playing it on your honeymoon, you wife is going to be there.  And since you have a wife now, she’s going to remember everything for you.  And since there are about 100 different flavors of jellybeans, and you’ve been married for less than a week, you can use her honed skill to your advantage.  It might be the only time in the marriage you get to do so.  Let me know how that one goes!

#2.  Rampage  (NES)

This also came out on Playstation 1, and again on the PS2, but there’s nothing like playing the original 8-bit game.  It’s a fantastic 2 player game where both of you play as monsters and you just keep traveling right, and destroying buildings.  It’s perfect for if you feel a fight coming on, or if you’ve been playing all the other games on the list, and hogging the controller.  If she actually wants to play with you, great!  If she doesn’t, then you have a whole new set of problems on your hands.

The Winner, and #1.  Battle Toads  (NES)

As we all know, this game is a thinly veiled attempt to cash in on the Ninja Turtles franchise.  This game came out not too long after the TMNTs hit the scene.  So a different company came up with a far-fetched synonym for “ninja” and a different amphibian, threw them together, and marketed them as something different.  It’s been going on since the dawn of time.  Anyways, that’s not why this is the best game to play on your honeymoon.  The reason why is because there is no versus mode, only cooperative.  It’s an arcade style button-masher with one fatal glitch… they left friendly fire turned on.  So if your new mate is talking too much and frustrates you to the point of slapping her or something (or, vice-versa for the girls out there reading this) don’t slap her in real life, that’s a horrible way to go.  Pop in this game, and go to town on her/him.  Blame it on the glitch, they’ll never know the difference.

See you at the reception,

The Jester.

 

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