Archive for the Ukrainian Women Category

Nerdy Monday 14: “The Secret World of Alex Mack”– WHAAAAAT?

Posted in 1990's, Forgotten, Holidays, Nerdy Monday, Retro, T.V. shows, Ukrainian Women on January 10, 2011 by Divide By Zero

First of all, I hope everyone had an amazing holiday season!  Mine was fantastic.. I’m fatter, I’m tired-er, and I’m happier.  And it’s time to OFFICIALLY take my blog articles off hiatus.  So here I am.. The Jester, is back in the house everyone.

Secondly, I’d like to thank everyone for visiting my blog even through the hiatus.  December was by fay my best month ever!  I love getting the hits, and I hope everyone enjoys what I write, I try to make it fun, and speaking of which, let’s get started on…

NERDY MONDAY FOURTEEN, BABY!!!1  This week we’re talking about…

How awesome was this show?!  Wait a second, before I ask that, do you even remember it?

It was THE SHOW to be watching between 1994 & 1998.  It replaced “Clarissa Explains it All” in the SNICK line-up.  Remember SNICK?  Man, what I wouldn’t give to get back to that time.. it was so much simpler.

Anyways, Alexandra “Alex” Mack was “an ordinary teenager, until an accident changed her life” so says the intro.  If you remember this show, you remember that intro.  A truck crashes, and spills a top-secret chemical called “GC-161” all over Alex.

I guess it wasn’t a coincidence that Alex’s father, George, works for the chemical company, or as it’s called in the show “The Plant” that produced GC-161.

I don't even think he knows he's on a show.


It’s also important to note here that the guy that plays George Mack has a pretty unimpressive acting resume.  BUT, before that sinks in, I want to say that at least he has an acting resume.  Much more than many, many people have.  But that’s the weird thing, I thought back then that he played an awesome dad.  And in doing research for this article, I came across a few episodes and watched them all the way through, he still played a great father figure, and a loving husband.  I think he did an outstanding job as one of the “background characters”.  –Oh come on, this was a kid’s show on Nickelodeon in the ’90’s, all parents were “background characters”.  I think that Mr. Blakely was a very underrated actor, and if he were given the opportunity, would have been a pretty big star.

Moving back to the show itself though, The Plant, was owned by one Danielle Atron.

I didn't feel like looking to hard for a picture of her character.

The mythical Paradise Valley is where all of this takes place, and Ms. Atron is so rich that her name is all over it.  She’s another background character that plays the antagonist of the whole plot-line.  She owns The Plant, she knows “some kid” was affected in the accident, and moves her life goal towards finding “said kid”.  That’s about it for her.  Ms. Atron has tons of money, and blows it all on trying to find Alex Mack, which I can only assume lives less than 30 minutes away from her Plant — Oh come on.. Alex’s dad commutes back and forth from there every day!

This is a family friendly show though, so let’s keep our feet on the ground, shall we…

Danielle Atron hires a “hitman”, or should I say henchman, named “Vince”, the maniacal head of security at the plant.  Vince is supposed to be a contract killer, but he is terrible at it.  In one of the episodes I recently watched (which was one of the ones towards the end of the entire series) Vince comes close to catching Alex.  And the dialogue between him and Ms. Atron go a little something like this:

Ms. Atron: ..and Vince, when you find the child.. this time

Vince:  I can collect our agreed upon price?

MA:  Yes Vince, seven figures, like I promised.

V:  Right away Ms. Atron.

Really?  They agreed years ago on a seven digit price for Alex?  Now realistically, a seven figure price tag is anywhere between $1,000,000 and $9,999,999.  but even more realistically, this was a kids show, so it was probably just a cool, even million.

Which begs the question.. if Vince was supposed to be some cold-hearted, million-dollar-contract collecting evil-doer… how in the name of all that’s pure and sacred in this world, did the show go on for 4 freakin’ years?  Did anyone see that movie “Smokin’Aces”?!  If Ms. Atron hired one of THOSE guys… this show would have been just that.  A show.  ONE show.  Probably only one of those half-shows, like robot chicken, or aqua teen hunger force.

All of that aside, it was fun growing up watching this on T.V.  Alex had wonderful parents, an awesome (and awesomely intelligent) sister who helps her through the whole ordeal.  Her best friend is awesome.  Please forgive me though, both of these characters are kind of minor to the think I want to talk most about.

Ladies & Gentlemen... (mostly gentlemen)...

How hott was she?  During the ’90’s, the show “Alex Mack” was categorized as Science Fiction, Fantasy, Teen Drama, and Comedy. Also during that time, the girl who played Alex Mack herself, was categorized as “one of America’s favorite 15 year olds”, and “the proverbial ‘girl next door'”.  And for good reason!  I don’t know if when she got drenched in GC-161 that one of her powers were to make tween boys fall in love with her, but it certainly happened.  Every guy I knew had a crush on her.

Larisa Romanovna Oleynik:

Was her father Ukrainian for naming her that, or something?  Yes, he was.  Therefore she has a Slavic sounding name.  Now, before you go all xenophobic on me, let’s remember some of the other extremely attractive Eastern European (mostly Ukrainian) woman that have caught our eye as of late…

First off there’s Yana Klochkova, the Ukrainian swimmer who won 5 Olympic medals during her career, 4 being golden in color.  Not to mention, she looked like this:

She's a swimmer. Remember when I told you that?

Next on our list is Olga Kurylenko.  A Ukrainian actress who got her big break in Quantum of Solace.  And seriously,  why is she so attractive?

Maybe it's a little because she was a Bond girl.

Then of course we have Anna Kurnikova…

Never won a single tournament, but everyone knows her name.

Also, who can forget about our favorite character in the Resident Evil movie franchise, Alice?  Also known as Milla Jovovich.

To be fair though, not too many women holding those guns wouldn't be sexy.

There’s also Daria Webowy.  Never heard of her?  She’s been on the Italian cover of Vogue a couple of times, and was the face of Prada’s Fall/Winter line.  And this is why…

She makes a great "Lady in Red".

And last but not least, we have the underrated Mila Kunis.  Some remember her from That 70’s Show, some [younger people] know her from Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but mostly people know her from voicing ‘Meg” on Family Guy.  Anyways, here she is…

Totally the opposite of Meg, in real life.

Anyways, that’s enough of that tangent.

Larisa Oleynik, or as her family calls her “Rissy”, went on to play in a few different movies, most notably 10 Things I hate About You, alongside Heath Ledger… one of my favorite actors of all time (for the Joker thing, not the Brokeback thing).  She also played in The Adventures of Pete & Pete, 3rd Rock From the Sun, Boy Meets World, and Malcom in the Middle. Quite an acting resume she acquired before she was able to legally drink a beer.  Right?

Any way you slice it, there were a lot of good moments in the show, and we watched every episode with joy.  It was always great, and I’m pretty sure I can speak for all of the guys my age when I say…. I miss SNICK, and Alex Mack.

*All Images are property of their respective owners, and may be subject to copyright laws.  All images obtained through Google Image Search.”