Nerdy Monday 24: 2nd and Charles

I am finally going to be writing more regularly.  I had a lot of stuff gonig on these past few months (years, really), and I thank you to everyone who has visited my site during the hiatus.

I wanted to come back on a Nerdy Monday, because that (in all honesty) was my favorite post to write each week.  Since the last time I posted a Nerdy Monday article, I’ve moved.  Therefore the locality of the blog articles to be written are going to pertain mostly to Northern Virginia/Washington D.C.  For some articles, like the top 10 lists, locality won’t matter.  However, for this re-introduction special to Nerdy Monday XXIV, I’m going to be talking about Heaven on Earth.  Or simply by its name: 2nd & Charles.  Particularly the one in my home town of Woodbridge, VA.  How can you not love a place that puts this up on its facebook page:

It might be photoshopped, but this is ALWAYS what I see pulling into the parking lot.

For those of you who have never heard of a “2NC”, allow me to explain;  It’s a sort of 2nd hand bookstore, music store, game stop (more like a now defunked Funcoland), toy store, and comic book store all rolled into one.  Personally, I go there for the video games.  Like a moth to a flame.  Because they buy back older books, vinyls, comic books, and everything else, they have a lot of old video games.  I’m talking about original Gameboy, all the original Nintendo, Sega Master System, Genesis, Game Gear, Game Cube, etcetera, all the way up through the X-BONE & the PS4.  What’s not to love?!  I’ve told my fiancee that I could spend hundreds of hours, and thousands of dollars there, and it’s true.  I have to give myself a limit on how much I am going to spend before we even leave to go there, and I almost never stay below budget.

If you haven’t liked them on facebook yet, do it!  If you haven’t subscribed to their e-mail list, you’re missing out.  On facebook, they put up all sorts of pictures of new items they bought back, or deals they have on clearance items, it’s wonderful.  When I have nothing to do, while I’m out running errands with my family (that don’t directly involve me or require my help) I get dropped off there and 3 hours goes by in the blink of an eye.  Also on facebook, you’ll receive special promotions they have at the buyback counter (another one of my favorite departments).  The most recent one I participated in was:

2NC Woodbridge

September 14

LAST DAY to receive DOUBLE CREDIT when you trade in your used#videogame #consoles, #games, and #accessories! Drop by before 7pm and SCORE BIG with buyback today!
#retro #pikachu #snes #nes #n64 #nintendo #gamecube #xbox #xboxone#xbox360 #playstation #PS4 #PS3 #ps2 #sony #atari #ds #dsi#smashbrothers #destiny #nostalgia #woodbridge #virginia #nova

 [Author: excerpt from 2NC’s facebook page]

Yes, DOUBLE credit for any old video games and consoles.

If you know me personally, AT ALL, you know that I’ve amassed quite a vintage video game collection.  Nothing crazy, or youtube worthy, but nobody needs 6 Sega Genesis consoles, all of the same model.  Even worse, I felt I didn’t need more than 2 PS1’s seeing as how my PS2’s and PS3 play PS1 games.  Also, all the duplicate copies of games I have had to go.  Opportunities like this don’t happen very often, so for most people, it’s a way to streamline your ’80’s & ’90’s arcade, as well as build up some store credit at a great place like 2NC.  What I want to do with my collection (and your plan for yours may be different) is to get rid of all of my cheaper games, and focus on getting the good games that everyone remembers.  OddWorld: Abe’s Exodus, Contra, Commando, Final Fantasy VII, Anything Crash Bandicoot.  I know I’ll never have a collection like my mentor, The Angry Video Game Nerd’s, but I’d like my collection to make people a LITTLE envious!

This place seriously has something for everyone.  Autographed & classic books, vinyl records and CDs out the ying-yang, every Wednesday is New Comic Book Day, movies and TV shows on DVD, toys, collectibles, video games, and a ton more.  I spent close to 100 dollars one time on stuff I didn’t even know I needed!  A tetris Ice cube tray, space invaders alarm clock, video game cases, DVDs I wanted in my library for $2.50 a piece, a poster that went perfectly in my living room (before my fiancee told me to move it).  Batman stuff, comic books, t-shirts, and a joker thumb drive are on my “To Get” list as well.  I know they don’t need any advertising from me, and I’m not getting paid by anyone to write this article, I just genuinely love 2nd & Charles.  So, like I said, if you haven’t checked it out, check it out, like them on facebook and join their mailing list.  When they buy back things, you can get cash too (though not as much as if you got store credit), so it’d be nice for someone who wants to find a good home for the junk they don’t use.

I’m probably going to be writing about 2nd & Charles for a couple of more Nerdy Monday spots, so I’ll keep you up to date on what’s going on there.  It’s not lazy using the same topic or subject, there’s just way too much at that store to put in one blog article.  Until then!

Say whaaaaat?

 

Holla!

Nerdgasm.

Whoa!

See you at 2ND & Charles!

 

*All images obtained using “2NC Woodbridge” Facebook Page.  Link to Cinemassacre used without permission*

My Tribute to Sony’s wonderful Playstation 2.

What can I say about the Sony Playstation 2 (PS2)?  In my mind it’s the one of the greatest systems out there.  It had almost a 13 year run, and was sadly discontinued on January 7^th of this year.  You can’t really say anything bad about a console that grew to the age of most 8^th graders in a world where technology becomes obsolete in [right around] 6 months.

Although I do think it’s funny that all of the other discontinuation articles or blogs I’ve read say something to the affect of: “So long PS2!  Sony’s most popular console is officially off the market.”  Really?  Of course it’s the most popular console; it’s only been out for 13 years.  Before that was the Playstation 1 (PS1).  That wasn’t a terrible console, but it was up against some heavy competition from the two titans of the industry at the time.

Released in late 1995, the PS1 hit the scene.  Immediately it was in competition with the Super Nintendo until 1996, (when the Nintendo 64 came out) and the Sega Genesis.  A lot of parents were weary about buying their kids a PS1 for the same reason why they were skeptical about the original XBOX when it first came out.  It was a produced by a “new” company, with no established credibility in the video game industry.  I’m sure next to no one knew this back in 1995/96, but the only other console that Sony had ever produced was a CD based model actually financed by Nintendo.  It was a flop for a lot of reasons.  But more power to the people at Sony for taking what they learned from Nintendo and venturing out on their own to become one of Nintendo’s biggest competitors.  Who would have ever thought that would happen?

Anyways, back to the guts of what I was saying… Being right about 10 years old at the time, me and most of my friends had either a Genesis, or a SNES.  I didn’t get a PS1 until a few years later in 1999, around the same time the Sega Dreamcast came out.  I remember that Christmas!  I was actually more of a Sega fan during my youth, and needless to say, wanted a Dreamcast more than anything else in the world.  Looking back on it now, how could anyone NOT pick the Dreamcast over other systems?  Do you remember the commercials?

I guess I was more of a visually influenced person.  Or maybe I was just showing loyalty to the company that gave me my awesome Genesis.  Or maybe I was just a dumb kid.  Who knows?  But I was sucked in by the commercials, the posters that came in magazines or in the mail, and the displays they had in the stores.  What about the boxes the consoles came in?  Remember the boxes?  Give me a little color, please:

Nice and colorful. Something kids would want, right?

Wrong. Everyone took the “ninja-box” for granted. Or a lot of us did. Ok, maybe it was just me.

In either case, the PS2 ultimately won without even breaking a sweat.  The Dreamcast’s lifespan lasted a measly few years.  About 2 or 3.  I’m not even going to look it up—that’s how short it was.  While the PS2 continued its reign for that PLUS a decade.  And it’s still a console that begs to be played.  I still have mine sitting right next to my PS3, and honestly, lately, it’s been getting more use than the PS3.

Also, according to wikipedia and a few other articles, Sony has stated that there are 10,828 titles available for the PS2.  That is an enormous number, considering it took the entire lifespan of the NES to amass around 900 titles in its library.  But what else can you expect from the PS2, which is a system that brought about the success of companies like Rockstar Games and EA (Sports division) almost single-handedly.  It also made popular the Dance Dance Revolution and Guitar Hero franchises.  To this day, I can’t go to a family gathering without there being a Guitar Hero competition, and I dare you to walk into an arcade –any good, respectable arcade– without there being at least 2 DDR platforms.

All that parental fear of Sony went away with the release of the PS2.  I remember fondly when it came out.  Five days before Halloween in the year 2000.  The world was still talking about Y2K and people were still exclaiming about how “We (as a society) overcame the biggest could-be technological poop-storm in the world!” –To date, anyway.  Within 24 hours of the PS2’s release in Japan, it sold a million units.  It was the main reason why the Dreamcast’s release date was delayed 2 or 3 times (15 year old me got an ulcer every time I heard the date got pushed back).  AND it caused Nintendo to completely tear down and rewrite their policy considering 3^rd party software developers.  Nintendo, pre-PS2, wanted to be the only company making software for its consoles, with a few exceptions.  Post-PS2 Nintendo actually encouraged 3^rd party development and expanded its horizon farther than what it thought was possible.

For me, that was the turning point.  After the PS2 made itself known and told the world it wasn’t going anywhere; that was the point where Nintendo was dethroned as ruler of the world.  Remember those days?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6NhfRFSaFo

Yes, in those days, Nintendo controlled everything!

I could go on and on about the PS2.  I’m sad it’s gone, it had a good run.  Sony implemented a lot of innovations on the PS2 over the years (the games, the console itself, the controllers, networking capability) that it’s still using and improving on.  Look at a Dualshock 2 and a Dualshock 3 controller and tell me what the differences are.  OK, one is wireless, you got me.  Other than that?

In closing, thank you Sony for the Playstation 2.  It had a great run, and I look forward to playing it for years to come (plus now is the time to hit up the flea markets, yardsales, ebay, whatever because the price has gone way down on everything!).  Rest in Peace PS2.

I better cut it here before I keep, uh… whatever the writing equivalent of “rambling” is.  I just wanted to use this as an opportunity to let my fans and readers know that I am back from hiatus, and will be continuing to add to this site as often as I can.  Thank you for coming back to my blog, and I hope to have a lot of more good stuff out for you in the coming weeks.  Comment, share, subscribe, whatever… just keep reading!

–The Jester.

*All images were found by using Google Image Search and are property of their respective owners.*

*All videos were obtained through YouTube search and are property of their respective owners.*

Nerdy Monday 23: A Tribute to the Sega flops.

There are some video game systems sought after by collectors now for being huge failures.  There are many, but I’m going to focus on the 3 that I’ve had the most contact with.  So let’s get right down to it with…

The Sega Saturn:

Flop.

This system made its debut back in 1995, and was discontinued 3 short, disappointing years later.  It was hugely popular in Japan, but never reached anything substantial in America because of the debut of the Sony Playstation, and one of my personal all time favorites, the Nintendo 64.  It came out as a 32-bit system, which was pretty cool at the time, I guess, but it took too long to develop, and Nintendo’s N64 was released in 1996 with DOUBLE THE BITS! Therefore twice the graphics.  I mean, the Sony Playstation was released a year before the Saturn as a 32-bit system and somehow that even looked a lot better on screen.  not to mention the controls were more fluid, and the games were a lot more enjoyable.  Speaking of controls…

What the hell is this?!

I bought my Saturn on eBay for $3.24 with $3.00 shipping.  It came with all the hook-ups, a controller, and a game.  And I still believe to this day I got ripped off.  The games are shoddy at best, and it just makes me want to play something that at least has some semblance of a video game.

Rating: -3 Stars.  Horrible.

The Sega 32x:

How do you turn a 16-bit system into a 32-bit system?  You build an add on for it that makes no sense whatsoever!  The 32x plugs into the top of a Sega Genesis as if it were a game.  Then you have to run a special cable from the back of the Genesis to the back of the 32x.  THEN you have to run an a/v cable from the 32x to the TV, and STILL the 32x has it’s own ac adapter that has to be plugged into the wall.  The Genesis also has to be plugged in.  Why so many cables?  This should have been its own system.  I think James Rolfe explains it best, please give this video a watch:

Rating: One half star.  There may have been one or two cool games.

The Sega Dreamcast:

Okay, this one wasn’t really a flop.  In fact it has its own cult-like following and is getting more and more home made or “homebrewed” games on it every week.  Check out http://www.dcisozone.com to see if I’m lying.  I love this system and the many, many games it has on it. It’s fabulous, and worth every penny of the $20 (or so) you’ll spend on it.  And the games that you download and burn are perfectly legal to (or so I’ve heard, I am not liable for what you do) burn.  Sega isn’t making any money on it.. no one is making any money on it anymore, so why would anyone care?

Rating: 4 Stars, shouldn’t have been a flop.

The Sega CD:

Remember this thing?  How awful was it?  See how fast it takes you to download an emulator for this system in its entirety, and tell me it isn’t a pile of poop.  At the time, it was innovative and made it able to have movies segway from one scene in the game to the next instead of a series of text boxes.  That didn’t make the games any better though.  Like all of the other Sega flops, namely the Saturn, the controls were crappy, and it made you want to maim yourself with your controller… or at the very least strangle someone else with the cord.

This is the abomination you had if you had both the 32x and the CD attachment.

Rating:  -1 Star… it doubled as a CD player!

Overall though, Sega is still a widely successful company, even if Nintendo had to put them in their place back around 1999 or so.  It remains to be the biggest 3rd party contractor to Nintendo and comes up with almost half of the 3rd party designed games.  Way to go Sega…  I hope you jump back into the hardware market soon!

 

There will be another installment of flops, next week.

The jester.

 

*All images and videos are property of their respective owners and may be subject to copyright laws.  All images obtained through Google Image Search.  All videos obtained through Youtube Search.*

Followup to my Craigslist Post

I apologize for not posting articles in a timely manner as I should have been doing.  But I am not skipping any, I am sticking to the schedule I had made up months ago.  Except for this article, I changes what it was going to be.  A number of weeks ago, I posted an article complaining about people who are trying to rip other people off on craigslist.  I didn’t think I’d have a lot of responses to it, but people in my area (and across the nation) have been flooding my inbox with complaints about my.. complaint.  I think it’s because I sometimes promote my blog on the local news pages of Craigslis *snicker*, as well as have it featured on tricities.com.  So everyone out there in my locale who is a craigslist user can read it.  Let’s see what they had to say:

“ur such a whiney complainey moron! i hope you were one of the people from clist that i ripped off in kingsport!” ~Mandy from Johnson City

Well, Mandy.. where do I begin?  I wasn’t whining, at least if I were I’d be able to spell the word “whiny” when describing myself.  And I wouldn’t have to make up words like “complainey”, then I’d be a moron.  And notice how she says: “one of the people…I ripped off”.  So she was definitely one of the people I was trying to lecture to in my last post.  Who’s next?

“why are you such a b**** dude? its just ppl trying to make a buck.” ~Dave from Asheville

I agree, dude.  But buyer beware, I think that if people were more interested and knowledgeable of the value of what they’re trying to acquire was, then stuff like this wouldn’t happen.  That was one of my intentions of writing my post (hereafter referred to as The Letter), to bring awareness.

“But I have over 55 games that im seling with my ps2, that makes it worth at least $150 moer!” ~Toad from Abingdon

Negative, Ghost Rider.  Head to GameStop and see how much they give you for your “over 55 games” (read: 56 games).  You would be extremely lucky to walk out of there with 60 extra dollars, depending on your collection.  Asking more than double that is just stupid.  Like your face.

“just bc u’ve been burned b4 on the clist doesnt mean ereyone is gettin burned” ~Byrne from Johnson City

How do you use an apostrophe in (not even really) a word like “u’ve” but you don’t in “doesn’t”.  Come on man, step your grammar and punctuation up.  And this is the second time people have called it “the clist”.  What is a clist?  Do you want to slang the word “Craigslist”?  Then there has to be a hyphen in there.  The C-List.  I can see that.  But poor rhetoric aside, Mr. Byrne does have a point.  Just because one person gets burned, doesn’t mean everyone is out to burn someone (Mandy).  I am fortunate enough to not have been burned on Craigslist yet.  Although, I have only made one purchase off of it.

“u need to kwit wit all dis bull**** man what give u da rite to preach like you now sumthin? i do all my business on craig list and i nevur rip no bady off” ~Phil from Damascus

Don’t send your kids to school in Damascus.

All I was trying to say to everyone is that their old video games are not worth what they think they are.  There’s no way you’re going to trade an original XBox for a PS3, even if you have all the games and extras ever made for it.  If you do, give me that persons contact info, I have a few XBox’s I’m trying to get rid of.

There are many many more e-mails I could post up here, but I don’t see any point in it.  I really wasn’t trying to stir the pot of the online Craigslist community.  Just seriously think about a trade, or a purchase before you buy from someone online.  I know it’s been said about a trillion times.  It should be common sense by now, but still people get tricked into every kind of scam.  It saddens me a little bit.

Stay tuned for next week’s Outback Chronicles!

The Jester.

The Tri-Cities Flea Market

This week, I ventured into what I can only describe as the Mall of America, of flea markets.  At least for around here.  That’s right, I talk about it all the time, I tell you I get all of my old games from there, and now I’m back here talking about it… with some pictures.

I want people to understand this, I am going to make this article as funny as I can, but I am not being condescending at all.  I frequent this place, and I know a lot of people out there look down on flea markets, or think of them as “dirty” or, whatever else they think.  I could really care less about what they think.  I have a friend that has a collection of video games pretty similar to mine, except he spent about 5 times as much on his because he travels all over the place, he buys online, and he buys one game at a time.  And the flea market isn’t just about video games, there are tons of other thing you can get a little cheaper too.

For example:

Need some keys? No problem here. (Sorry for the blurry picture)

Lost your favorite wig? We got your back.

This next picture, I have to explain for those of you who aren’t yokels.  All Fired Up is a store where you can buy any kind of hot sauce that’s out there.  They have a huge selection and are even in some local malls.  I don’t know exactly how big the chain is, but a lot of local shops and things get started at the flea market, and save money up until they can expand.

But hot sauce and sunglasses in one place, at last?  Finally, you can put that Dave’s Insanity Sauce on your pringles, and no one will be able to tell you’re crying.

This sign is on every single door to all of the 10 or 11 indoor buildings (there are also about 6 “outdoor” buildings).  But that doesn’t stop vendors from renting a space and moving in a little business solely dedicated to catering to your pet.  There are shops in there that sell customized dog collars and ID tags, sweaters and leg-warmers (I’m guessing), another little stall even sells life preservers for your pets, both dogs AND cats.  I know, I found it a little odd that there’s a market for life preservers for cats, too.  And for the dogs out there that are spoiled rotten:

My dog: "Whaddaya got there?" Your dog: "Milkbones." My dog: "Pfffft, hahaha, loser!"

This place seriously is like a mall.  Look at the aisles down each building, they look pretty much like this…

Go on deadmalls.com and this is actually a step up.

Some of the stalls, you can really tell people put a lot of time and effort into making them really nice.

Mall or flea market? Who can tell?

Some stalls even offer a larger variety of products than malls do!

All in one place? For realz?!

And the amenities this place offers is awesome.  A lot of “flea markets” up North, or in different parts of the country don’t have indoor restrooms.  They might not even have indoor buildings.  Just a bunch of people standing outside at pic-nic tables, well…

...we got that too.

But there are also…

Indoor plumbin', y'all!

And seriously, what do you do when you’re at a flea market and have no cash?  You either go to one of the FOUR (that I counted) cash for gold places, or hit up one of these:

I counted 6 of these in the buildings I went into today, and I wasn’t even really paying attention to how many there were.  There could be more, just in case you need a little more cash to get what you had your eye on.  Check out just some of the things I came across.

Movie posters? Got'em.

Women's Fashion Boutiques? Got'em.

Check.

Golf clubs? We might have a few.

WHAAAAAAT?!

High quality, hand crafted cedar furniture? Done and done.

I heard washer/dryer combos are on sale this month.

Kids section? We're workin on it.

And this isn’t your grandma’s yard sale either.  This is a legitimate business that people from all over the Tri-Cities come to.  They bring their friends here when they come in town.  I know I do it.  There are a lot of things I didn’t take pictures of, as well.  One stall boasted “100% soy wax candles”.  I have no idea what the difference between soy wax and regular wax is.  My best guess is that regular candles taste like bacon, and soy candles are vegetarian friendly.

And what mall flea market would be complete without…

Tourists use this thing.... a LOT.

Another similarity between this flea market and an average mall is…

You bet your ass, we got one.

That’s right.  There is a food court.  And it’s a far sight better than the food court I was used to growing up in Northern Virginia.  There are ladies there that make homemade fudge, a lot of people are using their granny’s recipes, and honestly.. how many other places do you know of besides state/county fairs where you can find deep fried Oreos/Twinkies/pickles/cheesecake/butterfingers/snickers-ON-A-STICK!?  Better hit that ATM up again, and call the boss, it’s going to be one very long lunch hour.

Bread me up something and throw it in the oil!

A Mexican place, their stuffed potatoes will keep you going for a while.

Security is a big issue here.  A lot of the vendors have day-jobs and come here on the weekend to earn a little extra cash.  They don’t want you stealing their stuff, is what I’m saying.  They take their paycheck and invest in the inventory they sell.  They don’t have time to watch you and your stupid friends walk off with their things.  And I mean come on, it’s a flea market.  How much could the thing in your hand cost?  Haggle with them, or something, but don’t steal.  Not cool.  All this behavior warrants signs like these:

They are not joking.

Yup.

This guy sells stereos and wasn't there that day. He locks up tighter than a drum.

Don’t get me wrong, a lot of the people there have their own specialty shops where they just sell Mary Kay, or just sell Avon, or just sell “knives” (that’s how they advertise them, with the quotation marks and all), or just video games (more on that in a minute).  But there are some stalls there where the people that rent them out just bring… stuff.  Not anything in particular, just stuff.

Pictured: Stuff.

Pictured: More stuff.

Look up there, stuff on a shelf! You can buy it, take it home, and put it on your shelf!

It’s crazy, and sometimes if you don’t feel all high and mighty, or like it’s beneath you or anything, you actually can have a pretty good time rooting around through all of that stuff.  The people that own it don’t even know what they have.  And I’ll tell you what, I’ve known people that have found some good (not super expensive, but not costume) jewelry out of the bottom of a “stuff” box.  I’ve found old original game boy games in their original boxes in “stuff” boxes, and they asked a quarter each for them.  One time, I was at a place like this flea market and I found a sterling silver ring that was a dolphin, and it was circular, as most rings tend to be, and the nose touched the tail of it which made it a loop.  My mom was so pissed when I didn’t give that ring to her, and instead gave it to my cousin.  What the hell did I know about rings, I was 8.

I PROMISE you this picture was taken at the same flea market on the same day. Yes, you can get calves, goats, and roosters there too. We ARE in the south.

***

Okay, I definitely saved the best (or at least my favorite part) for last.

 

It's go time, baby!

Fellow nerds, and nerdettes, the guy behind the counter is Ben.  He is one of the nicest guys you’ll meet.  He is my “hidden source” for all of my video game needs.  Most of the reviews I do about older video games.. are all thanks to him.  On average I probably buy from him twice a month.  At the very least, once a month, and a few months have gone by where I’ve bought games from him every weekend.  His inventory is massive, his prices are very reasonable, and I could have fun in his little corner of the market for hours.  He sells comic books, action figures, and other things that are strong pheromones to nerds.  While I was there the day this article was written, I flipped through the pages of a “Howard the Duck” comic book.  Remember that movie?  Yeah, he’s got a ton of stuff, and I’m sure he’s got a ton more to bring in if he were to flip all of his inventory tomorrow.  Let’s take a look…

 

There's a "Vader" 2600 up top I didn't notice until I loaded this pic up at home. Oh, and some games.

...A few more.

And just a couple more for the avid NES/SNES fans out there.

...And for the XBox fans.

Then a few GameCube games for the kiddies.

PS2, anyone?

Yet more NES games, and the case on top is full of DC, Saturn, Sega CD, and other disc only games.

N64, for sure.

He keeps a few of the better games behind the counter.

And I know what you’re saying.  “But Jester, I love all of those old games, but I don’t have the system for it!”

 

Ben's got you, dude.

He's totally got you.

His collection just keeps on going!

I didn’t take pictures of nearly everything he has.  And keep in mind this is just one section of one building of the entire flea market.  Fun to go to, fun to look around, and fun to haggle.  Fun all around.  If you run into Ben, tell him “that guy who writes the blog” sent you.  He’ll know what it means.

Okay, I showed you the stuff, the food, the luxuries, the everything else.  Except the sign.

 

There.

I showed you everything now.  Hit it up, or don’t, more stuff for me.  It is fun though.

See you there!

The Jester.

*All images are property of me, The Jester.  I didn’t copyright them, and give everyone permission to use them.  Just give me a credit for it, please.*

Nerdy Monday 15: My Tribute to a Little Game Entitled Simply: PAPERBOY!

Oh my gosh.  Paperboys.  What can I say about them?  I was never a paperboy, but if being one were anything like the movies or T.V. shows made them out to be, it was a rite of passage into the work force.  It helped boys become men.  It was a fast track to manhood.  However you want to say it, it was a huge responsibility.

This brings me to my first point, why is it that all the way through the entire game of paperboy, you’re delivering papers during mid day?  All the paperboys I knew growing up had to wake up at 3:30am, and deliver all of their newspapers before everyone woke up.  Not while they were out mowing their grass and sending their lawnmower at you at 25 miles an hour, or letting their dogs out of their house as you rode by.  I’d bet you that if the paperboy in the popular video game wasn’t so lazy and got up before mid afternoon, he wouldn’t run into half of the inane obstacles he did!  I’d play that game, it’d be more like having a real paper route.

Paperboy was an arcade game released in 1984.  There was a movie released about it at the PEAK of paperboy’s popularity, in 1994.  So there was a good 10 year run right there.  I can’t remember if paper boy was on the regular Nintendo (NES), but I know there was a version of it released for the Sega Genesis.  There was a sequel to paperboy entitled just: PAPERBOY 2 released on the Super Nintendo (SNES).  And as far as I can tell, they are the exact game.  LET’S CHECK OUT SOME SCREEN SHOTS!

Here’s paperboy 1:

Right?

And here’s paperboy 2:

Okay?

Not much of a difference there.  I was going to dedicate an entire section of this article to comparing, and another entire section was going to be dedicated to contrasting Paperboy & Paperboy 2.  But check it out, in Paperboy 1, you ride your bike, try not to crash, refill papers as needed, dodge hazards, deliver papers to white houses, don’t deliver to red houses, and try not to break anybody’s window.  IF POSSIBLE, you try to make the paper go into the mailbox.  In Paperboy 2, you ride your bike, try not to crash, refill papers as needed, dodge hazards, deliver papers to white houses, don’t deliver to red houses, and try not to break anybody’s window.  And IF POSSIBLE, you try to make the paper go into the mailbox.  In a Venn diagram, these 2 games would be the exact same circle intersecting at every possible point.

Which begs the question:  Why was this game so popular?  Everyone had, or has played this game.  It seeped its way into our pop-culture.  Perfect example:

PAPERBOY THE MOVIE: TRAILER

Sorry, that was going to be a picture, but the file corrupted.  But the video is even better.

So seriously, why was this game so great?  Was it the simplistic concept?  Was it how easily relatable the game play was?  Was it the innocence of the subject matter?  Was it the family friendly tone?

My theory is your parents bought it for you in hopes that it’d inspire you to get your own damn job in order to be able to buy your own video games.  See the logic there?  They bought you a video game, because they were hoping that they’d never have to get you another one in real life.  They were hoping that you would get so good at it on your Sega Genesis, that it would act as a simulator (of sorts) to get you a bunch of practice.  Do you see?  Then once you beat the game once or twice, they’d drop the bomb on you, saying “well, try it in real life”.

Knowing you though, I hope your parents didn’t hold their breath.

Because God forbid they’d have to keep spending $28.99 (the original retail price of Paperboy) on some dag-gone video games!  And seriously, did anyone ever beat it?  Did you ever beat Paperboy?  I never did, and I don’t know anyone who ever has, so we all would have made horrible paperboys in real life.

All kidding aside though, I think it was something about the lines, the restricted areas and the random obstacles that make this a rare game insomuch as it is both fun AND difficult.  Kind of like Bubble Bobble!  Any way you slice it though (I like it julienne), be it innocence, ease, or just simple nostalgic value this game somehow rode off the virtual streets of a fictitious neighborhood full of people that just wanted to read the news… and rolled right into our hearts.

See you at the mailbox, neighbor.

The Jester.

Top 10 Tuesdays 5: Video Games To Make Drinking Games Out Of!

Let me start this article by saying that I do not condone drinking alcohol.  I used to drink a lot, but don’t anymore.  Now I think of it as a waste of time, money, energy, and a lot more.  Aside from the fact that it’s unhealthy.  But just because that’s my belief, doesn’t mean it’s the belief of everyone else.  I know the younger people, mostly those who have just turned 21 and thus earned the privilege to drink  alcohol, are all into drinking games.

That being said, here we go with…

THE TOP TEN VIDEO GAMES TO MAKE DRINKING GAMES OUT OF!

Yes, drinking games have supposedly been around since the dawn of, well… drinking.  It started with the ancient Greeks, all the way through the college age kids of today.  They have caused deaths, built fraternity bonds, induced vomiting, and all around been an experience all of us at one time or another have partaken in.  Some of the harder-core drinkers I know claim they can make a drinking game out of anything.  And being the hard-core retro gamer I am, I’m going to do the same thing here.  So let’s start of with…

#10.  Mechwarrior 3050  (SNES)

Have you ever played Mech Warrior on the PC?  Well this is the “primitive” version of that.  It’s an awesome game, and as it turns out it’s kind of challenging.  Not real, real challenging, the way Call of Duty Black Ops tends to be, but just challenging enough to make a little side-game out of.  And it’s not an online game, therefore, it has a “pause” option.

The Rules:

1. Every time you destroy an enemy Mech, drink.
2. Every time you destroy an enemy Mech using only your machine gun, take 2 drinks.
3. Level complete?  Take 3 drinks.

That’s it.  Trust me, that’s all you need.  It won’t get you super drunk or anything, but I guarantee that if it were any harder, you wouldn’t want to play it.

#9.  Sly 2: Band of Theives  (PS2)

I know I’ve written about this game before.  So as you many know, this is more of a game for younger kids.  BUT[!] you can definitely make a side game out of it.  It’s kind of like Grand Theft Auto, insomuch as it has missions, as well as a free-range mode.  Play it for a little while, it grows on you.

The Rules:

1. Complete a mission, take 2 drinks.
2. Collect 100 coins, take 2 drinks.
3. Steal a rare item, take 5 drinks.
4. Complete one section with 100%, and finish your drink, PLUS one drink.

Childish video game equals a childish drinking game right?  I tried this while drinking Hawaiian Punch, and had to pee 8 times in an hour.

#8.  KISS! Psycho Circus: The Nightmare Child  (Dreamcast)

I may have talked about this game before, but I know it’s a hidden gem.  There’s not too many people out there that know about it.  I’s your basic rockstar-sell-out, built-on-a-DOOM-engine, psychotic first-person-shooter.  It’s actually an alright game.  KISS actually has nothing to do with it except that their name is in the title, and maybe because it’s what KISS used to picture when they were on a bad trip while on stage. Not to mention, the year this game came out (2000), the final boss fight had more enemies on screen at once than any other game out at the time.

The Rules:

1. I would say “kill an enemy” and drink.  But in this case, you would die before 2 levels were up.  So, kill 15 enemies, drink once.
2. Find an unusual item/weapon, drink 2.
3. Find an image of any of the members of KISS, drink 5 (this is a rather hard one).

I mean, check out a screenshot of this game…

The final rule is: drink 3 if you can make sense of this game.  The programmers didn’t have logic in mind when they created it, so if you can understand it, CLEARLY you are too sober.

#7.  Motherload  (Internet Game)

This is a game I stumbled across during Freshman year of college.  Found here [XGen Studios], Motherload is an elegantly simple game.  You play as this little mining contraption that has to drill down through the surface of Mars.  You look for precious gems, hidden artifacts and even dinosaur bones.  Let that sink in.. dinosaur bones… on MARS.  Yeah.  Anyways, you drill down and get different metals/gems, and have to get back to the surface before you run out of fuel, and you can’t take too much damage.  Run out of fuel, or take too much damage, and game over.  You have one life and no continuances.

The Rules:

1. Drink every 1,000 feet you drill.
2. Drink every time you sell your metals.
3. Drink 2 every time you upgrade your vehicle.
4. Drink 2 every time you fill up your fuel tank.

You will enjoy this one, and it’s definitely not as complicated as you might think.  Get it done, son!

#6.  Air Force Delta  (Dreamcast)

Another game that was great for the Dreamcast, and still is.  It’s your basic fly-around-and-destroy-stuff game.  It’s pretty easy, and with every mission you complete, you get money.  You use the money to buy planes, every time you crash a plane or get shot down, you have to buy that plane again.  So basically planes = lives.

The Rules:

1. Shoot down a plane, drink 1.
2. Shoot down a plane with only your machine gun, drink 5 (it’s pretty tough).
3. Complete a mission, finish your drink.
4. Buy a plane, take a drink.

Easy game, easy drinking game.  Oh it will get harder… don’t think you’re one of those pilots who can drink while flying.  No one is.

#5.  Tetris  (System Varies)

Ahh tetris.  A game everyone knows.  A game everyone loves.  A game no one can beat (except for the Japanese).  This game is more versatile when it comes to making a drinking game out of it.  Like all of these games though, feel free to play around with the rules.  Add some, subtract some, change it up a little bit.  But this one is really easy to make the side-game out of.

The Rules:

1. Drink 1 every 5 lines you get.
2. Drink 2 with every level advancement.
3. Drink 3 every time you die/start over.
4. Drink 4 every 5 levels you beat.

Haha, think you know how to play tetris?  After this, you won’t remember how to.

#4.  Grand Theft Auto – Vice City Stories  (PS2)

This has got to be one of my most favorite games in the GTA franchise.  We all know about this one, because it’s not all that old, so…

The Rules:

1. Get 5 stars, take 5 drinks.
2. Find a new weapon, get a new drink.
3. Complete a mission, complete a drink.
4. Drink for every 2 minutes you are in free range mode, doing nothing.
5. Blow something up, take a drink.

There’s about 40 more rules you can make right off the top of your head, but that’s way too much.  And when it comes to drinking games, you have to keep it simple.  For all of these games, especially this one, please use beer… if you drink liquor to play this game, it will kill you in minutes.  Be safe with it.

#3.  Halo 1  (XBox)

I told you that this game is my favoritest game ever.  I try to be unbiased, but darn it all, this game is so awesome, there is no bad time to play it.  This one actually ranked higher this time for legitimate reasons though.  It’s up to 16 players, or more likely 1-4 players.  And drinking is supposed to be a social thing, so you need more people around to keep you in line, and make sure you’re not breaking any of the rules.

The Rules (this is for 4-player versus mode):

1. Kill someone, take a drink.
2. Die, drink.
3. Use a vehicle, take a drink.
4. Chug your beer while waiting for respawn.

Try it, trust me.

 

The winners, and tied for #1.  Street Fighter II  (SNES), & Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 (Genesis)

 

Classic, vibrant, fantastic.  These games are simple button mashers with only two (common) rules..

1. If you win the fight, you take a drink.
2. If you lose the fight, you take a drink.

That’s really all you need.  Besides a lot of water and aspirin in the morning.  Good luck.

Make sure you don’t have work/school the next day.

The Jester.

 

*All images are property of their respective owners, and may be subject to copyright laws.  All images obtained through Google Image Search.*

*The author takes no responsibility in the actions/consequences of the readers based on what they do .  All games are to be used without alcohol.  If alcohol is to be used, please drink at your own risk, and pretty please be responsible.  And remember, always in moderation.*

 

Top 10 Tuesdays 4: Christmas Break.

The season is upon us.. the Winter weather is finally here, and we’re starting to get more time off of work/school.  This is a special Top 10 list for the Christmas season, especially Christmas break.  Or it could be used for any random snow day you happen to have.  It might do really well for any day you actually play hookie from work, too.  This is for the days you are isolated, it’s cold outside, you don’t want to do anything you can’t do from underneath a blanket (Snuggies would work too).  This is for the days you are cut off from everyone and everything but your refrigerator, your video games, and maybe a coffee/hot cocoa maker.  You know those days, the ones where you have no obligations, and no one else is with you except maybe a roommate, a sibling, or a significant other.  The kind of days that just feel different, the way excused absences always do.

For these kind of days, you want something a little challenging, but that’s not too hard to figure out either.  For most of us, that crosses Ecco The Dolphin right off the list.  It’s my opinion though, that in cases like this, you have 2 choices:  1) Either you go back and play games you’ve already beaten, and look for every secret level, and hidden item.  Or 2) you take a tiny step outside of your comfort zone and play some games that you wouldn’t normally play.

If you’re more into FPS games, go with a racing game, or RPG/RTS.  If you’re more into puzzle/problem solving games, go with a simple button masher.  If you’re more into fantasy, find something from the action/adventure section.  Let’s jump right into it with…

#10.  Final Fantasy Origins (PS1)

This game.. I have to be honest with you.  I was reluctant to put this game on the list.  I have never played it.  Well, I’ve tried it, by which I mean, I took over for a friend who had to use the bathroom.  But I’ve seen it played, probably all the way through, and just because I haven’t had the opportunity to get ensconced by something that defined several genres of video games, and spawned about a million sequels/movies/anime shows/etc.. who’s to say you won’t like it?  I found a copy of this at a flea market for $4.  Game, case, manual, lock, stock, and barrel.  Not a bad deal, and I plan on playing it soon enough.  Give it a try!  Fifteen million fan geeks can’t all be wrong.

#9.  StarLancer (DC)

I know everyone expected at least 1 Dreamcast game to be on here.  I’m pretty partial to this system, but I keep my bias under control pretty well.  This is one of those games you play when you have time to kill.  Yeah, there’s a plot, no one knows what it is though.  Yeah, the controls are a little weird and hard to get used to, but you don’t have to work today, so you have time to get used to them.  There are multiple unfair things about the game, and they’re all stacked against you, but it’s okay.  As long as you stay warm today, you win.  So grab some hot cocoa, and get to playing this game.  I guarantee you it does not disappoint as a gigantic time waster, and will keep you busy as well as it will not frustrate you to death.

#8.  BattleTanx Global Assault (PS1)

 

I’m going to be honest with you on this one too..  The only reason why it’s on my list is because I found it on eBay, and I paid $8.94 for it with shipping and everything.  I forgot how awesome of a game this is.  The replay value of it is ridiculous, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve beaten this game, only to come back to it an hour later and start all over again.  It’s perfect for a day when you have nothing to do, no work, no school, just you and a blanket on the couch.  That’s all you need.  Maybe some coffee, because more than once this game has kept me up all night.  They have another version on the N64, and they’re about the same, I think it’s a little cheaper if you want to find a PS1 disc though.  I’d be willing to wager you can get a PS1 system, controllers, and this game for less than you can just the game on N64.  Either way you want to go though.

#7.  Batman Forever (Genesis)

 

Those of you out there who know me personally, know that I am one of the biggest batman nerds there are.  And back when this game was new, I remember having it on the Sega Genesis, as well as the Sega Game Gear.  I never got past the first level because it is such a horrible game.  But if you’re used to playing puzzle games, this would be right up your alley.  The controls are cryptic, the doorways/entryways that take you from screen to screen are unnecessarily hidden in random places, and I’m pretty sure the programmers were drunk when they wrote the code for it.  Because a lot of the stuff that needs to be done by the player would fit perfectly into the programmers saying something like:  “How much would they freak out if we have them do [insert random game play here]?”.  It really is crazy, but it makes sense.  They followed up a pretty terrible Batman movie with a pretty terrible Batman video game.  I’m sure though, as long as you’re shrugging off anything work related, or school related, this is one of the best games for you to plug in and play.  Actually, I’d say it’s the 7th best, haha.

#6.  ZOOP!  (Genesis)

 

Yeah, this is old school.  This is one of those games that boggles the mind, challenges the wit, and makes you solve puzzles.  I recommend playing it on those Christmas break days we’ve been talking about.  I can’t even really accurately describe it.  You’re a thing that has to move other things a certain way in order to collect other things in a row?  I don’t know.  Here’s a video…

The title is the truth.  ZOOP! is a quirky little puzzle game.  It is easy to play, difficult to master, and a lot of fun regardless.  If you find one cheap (I got my copy for one dollar) it’s worth picking up.  Not a classic, but a good retro game to check out.

#5.  Frogger 2: Swampy’s Revenge (DC)

 

In my opinion, this is one of the best games ever to be released on the Dreamcast.  It is an awesomely modern twist on a simple, classic video game that we all know and love.  It was on a newer console, so of course you could save your progress.  That was a God-send.  If you’re familiar with Frogger, that’s what this game is.  Except all the things you wish about Frogger, happened.  It’s 3D, there are more obstacles, there are longer levels, more complex mazes, and the whole she-bang.  If you have a Dreamcast and don’t yet have this game, head on over to dcisozone.com and download/burn it.  It is well worth the 4 minute download time, and 15 second burning time.  Great overall game that would have scored higher if it weren’t for…

#4.  Assassin’s Creed: Altair’s Chronicles.  (Nintendo DS)

This game is awesome.  Especially if you’re a fan of the Assassin’s Creed franchise on XBox 360.  I didn’t really like the thought of this game being on a portable console, but once you sit down and play it, you love it.  It’s perfect for staying in bed, pulling the blanket up over your head, and just going to town on some vids.  Game Stop has been selling used copies of this game for $14.99 but I have seen them cheaper.  I think they’re like $7 if you don’t need a case for it.  Check it out, it gives great use of the stylus (which takes a little time to get used to, but overall is decent), the controls are fluid, and everything is easy to grasp.  I highly recommend this game to anyone, snow day or not.

#3.  Super Mario Bros.  (Wii)

 

I’m trying to put newer games on these lists, for the younger crowd.  But there are just some games that are great.  This one for instance, is like Frogger 2, it’s an awesomely modern twist on a simple and classic game that we all know and love.  That’s really all it boils down to .  People who never played any of the NES Marios love this game, because of the easy and fluid controls.  The hard core gamers love it because it’s what we wish we had way back in the day.  It’s elegant, it’s simple, it’s beautiful.  Go pick it up if you haven’t already!

#2.  Dead Rising.  (XBox 360)

 

This game missed being number 1 this week by an inch.  I love this game, and it’s even arguably better than the second one.  I don’t know for sure, as I don’t have the second one yet.  But of all the people I’ve talked to who also play this game, no one has anything bad to say about it.  It’s great for snow days, or for when you finally get that day off and want to take out your frustration on some zombies.  It’s great to play anytime.  It’s great to play overall.  It’s almost as great to play as…

The Winner, and #1 this week.  Arkham Asylum.  (PS3)

 

Oh.  My.  Gah!  I love this game, and everyone should have a copy of it.  It’s the best thing to happen to Batman fans since Christopher Nolan took over directing the Batman movies from Joel Shumacher.  People complain about the controls, and how depressing some of the music is, and how it doesn’t make any sense.  And to those people, I say.. Fooey!  Go play this game, go play it, go play it now.  The controls couldn’t be easier to understand… of course they get harder as you go along because you gain different abilities and you have to time some of them just right.  And the music is depressing & dark?  It’s BATMAN!  The music is ALWAYS depressing and dark.  I’ve also been told that this game coincides more with the comic books than it does the movies.  With all due respect on that note, it’s even more true to the Batman name than the movies are.  After all, he did first show up in comic books.  So everyone needs to get their story straight before they go bashing a game because they’re not a Batman fan.  This is an awesome game, and I’m here to tell everyone.  Go play it on your next snow day, day off, or right now.  It’s worth the money, and worth the time you put into it.

See you next week…

The Jester. 

*All images are property of their respective owners and may be subject to copyright laws.  Pictures obtained through Google Image Search.*

Nerdy Monday13: Bubble Bobble, anyone?

Let’s talk about some Bubble Bobble.  Remember that game?  It was first released in 1986 on the NES.  It then was ported to many different home PCs as well as other gaming systems.

There are 100 levels in this game.  BEFORE you get to the final boss. It was a great game.  I used to play this with my mom (before my little brother was born) and we could never ever beat it!  It’s been about 20 years since I’ve last played this game, but I got it, I played it, and I beat it.  A special thank you goes out to my girlfriend for being my Player 2.  Let me tell you, we spent an entire day playing this game on and off.  And about 1/3rd of that time was spent on the boss level.

Before I even begin to get into the boss level, let me give you a rundown of the game.  Even if you’re a pretty hardcore retro gamer like myself, don’t even think about playing this game by yourself.  If you need to, call me, and I’ll come play this game with you.  It’s pretty tricky, and after going through all 100 of the levels, I realize why my mom & I never beat it when I was a kid.

You play as either “Bub” or “Bob”, as their names are given.  I can’t tell which is which, your guess is as good as mine.  And I don’t have the original instruction manual, because I wasn’t about to pay $30 extra dollars for it when the actual game cartridge itself was only $10 (another special thanks goes out to Ben at the Tri-Cities Flea Market).  You wouldn’t be able to guess the plot, not that it matters anyways.  But the plot of the game is that Bub & Bob go looking for their girlfriends who have been captured by monsters.  If you read the intro screen after you pick how many players you want it says:  “Now is the beginning of a fantastic story!  Let us make a journey to the cave of monsters!  Good luck!”

I hope you watched a little bit of that video.  And I hope you heard that music in the background.  It’s lighthearted, nostalgic, and a little kiddy/childish, or whatever you want to call it.  It also doesn’t stop for 100 levels.  That’s right, the music only changes when you get to the boss level.  So not only do you have to worry about your 3 lives being depleted in one level, you have to worry about whether or not you’re going to pull out chunks of your hair due to the monotonous looped music.  I almost did.  But the good thing about it is that the game gets pretty challenging early on, so you’re not really paying attention to the music.  You’re more worried about the enemies…

If you’re looking for a site that will give you all the information you need to know about this game, you won’t find it here.  But you WILL find it here.  That website told me that “Stoner” (pictured above) is in 96/100 levels.  So you’re going to be seeing that little bugger roughly 96% of the time.  Or something like that, I’m not a mathemagician.  All of the enemies do pretty much the same thing, the patterns the jump/run/fly around in differ slightly, but killing one isn’t any harder than killing another.  The only ones that you can’t kill are the “Baron Von Blubba’s”.  You see they only show up when you take too much time to beat a level.  If you’re playing 2 players, one shows up for each of you, and they chase you until you either beat the level, or you die.  Somehow your time resets if you die, whatever.

Overall, if you’re looking for a simple, almost mindless game to play, this is the game you’re looking for.  The skill required to play it is minimal at best, and everything seems to happen differently in any given scenario.  My girlfriend noticed it and said something like: “I think I’ve figured it out!  If you jump straight down onto one of the bad guys, and shoot a bubble as soon as you land on them, you kill them, and don’t die.”  I tried it about 45 times, and died every time, maybe the game is actually self aware and likes certain players over others.

The boss level.  If you added up the total actual game play time, I bet you my g-friend and I spend a good solid hour and a half battling this boss.  Then again, we didn’t look on youtube or read online anything before playing.  We just jumped in and tried to handle it.  It took us a while, but we had fun.  That being said, here’s a video of a guy named “DarkEvil87” that beat the boss level by himself in less than a minute and a half.  And judging from his score, he played the entire game on his original 3 lives.  Good job man!

That’s really all I have to say about this game.  Pick it up, and try it.  It’s definitely not going to be the worst game you’ll ever play.  And if you’re into those problem solving/puzzle games, you might find some cryptic stuff that works, that I wasn’t able to find.  Who knows?

[Also, if you’re wanting to find out about the boss level, and have your own copy of this game, the code to get there is “GEJJJ”.  That should let you bypass all 100 levels and find out how ridiculously hard that level is first hand.]

It’s also worth mentioning that there was a sequel to this game.  They go for around $150 on eBay now, because they’re pretty rare.  I mean, the first one was rare, and it took them 4 years after releasing it in Japan to bring it over to the States.  I’ve never played Bubble Bobble 2, and have had my eye on it for a while, I just haven’t forced myself to spend that much money on a 20 year old game.  I hope it is everything the legends say it is, and I hope to have my own copy (not an emulator) soon.  We’ll see.

That’s it for this week.

The Jester.

*All pictures and videos are property of their respective owners and may be subject to copyright laws.  Pictures obtained through Google Image Search.  Videos obtained through youtube.com.*

Top 10 Tuesdays 3: You’ve Broken Your Arm.

Okay, so if you’ve been following my advice for the Top 10 Tuesday things, and your arm is in a cast. I’d like to think that at least one of the following scenarios happened:

1. You finally cheesed your girlfriend off enough to warrant some kind of malevolence from her.
2. Something happened on Black Friday, like you got punched by a guy getting the last copy of Mario Galaxy 2.
3. You fell deep into a Thanksgiving Day food-coma and when you landed on the ground, fractured something.
4. You got so stressed out during exam week, that you decided to climb a tree to relax… and it ended badly.
5. You actually did one of the things I said in the Mad G-Friend post.  That’ll get you hurt!

Thar’s right, one or all of the above happened to you, and now your arm is all gimped out.  Don’t worry though, there are still video games you can play while your arm recovers.  Before you play any video games though, make sure you get everyone who wants to sign your cast, to sign it, and please come up with a good story to tell to people.  “My girlfriend doesn’t want me to play ‘Call of Duty’ anymore.”  Isn’t a good response to “What Happened to your arm, Champ?”  So let’s get right on to it this week with:

The Top 10 Video Games to Play While Your Arm is in a Cast:

For the entirety of the list, I’m assuming that your dominant hand is going to be the one attached to the cast.  It usually happens that way, more often than not your dominant hand is your “go-to” hand, and ends up being on the broken arm.  If your leg was in a cast, you can play whatever video games you want.  Or go play a real life game of basketball, or whatever it is people that break their legs do.

#10.  Hold The Button  (Web)

This game is as simple as it gets.  You get online, type in http://www.holdthebutton.com, and after the advertisement, you click the button and hold it.  Just hold the button.  See how your time holds up against the competition.  It’s cool because you can even use the arm that’s in the cast!  You’re barely using a muscle, and it might take a while before you have to switch off hands, if that happens at all.  How many muscles does it take to hold down a mouse button?  Like, 2?  Good luck!

#9.  Worst Game Ever  (Web)

The Worst Game ever is really exactly what it claims to be.  Get on over to Adult Swim Games and check it out.  The only reason why it didn’t come in last is the fact that, unlike holdthebutton, this has characters.  I enjoy Master Shake & Meatwad every week on their show, so why wouldn’t I enjoy them in their very own video game?  Oh yeah, because this game is the worst game ever.  All you do is go right.  Just hold down the “right” arrow on your keyboard, and occasionally hit the space bar to jump over obstacles.  Give me a break man, this game is horrible, but you shouldn’t have let your girlfriend break your arm.

#8.  Snake  (It varies)

This game is a little trickier, and it may even require BOTH hands to play.  What else can I say, you’re a snake, you have to eat balls that are supposed to represent apples, I think.  You run around eating the apples, and each time you do, you grow a little longer.  Keep going and don’t run into the walls or your tail, and you win.  You can play this on your Atari 2600, there are a few web based programs for it, and if you still have your very first cell phone, the kind that came out in the year 2000 (Nokia), it’s on there.  That’s where I remember playing it.

#7.  Ultimate Board Game Collection (PS2)

This game is technically a video game, but you’d honestly be better off playing the games in real life.  Who doesn’t have a checker’s set lying around the house?  Or at least some paper and pencils to play tic-tac-toe?  I picked up this game, not even opened yet, with the case & manual (obviously) for $1.99 at one of the local antique/pawn shops.  I had seen where they began the selling price at $20, then a few months later marked it down to $15, then to $10, then to $5, then to $3.49, then finally to $1.99.  If I hadn’t have come in that day, they would probably still have this game.  Who buys these games?  When you want a video game, you want something that you can’t do in real life.. like fly a space ship, be a black-ops marine, get in submarine battles.. not play 3-Dimensional tic-tac-toe, or virtual mancala (whatever the hell that game is supposed to be), chess & checkers.  I know who buys these games… people who have gotten their arm broken by their girlfriend, because they play too many video games.  And me.  I see a $2 video game, and I’m all over it!

#6.  Pong  (It varies)

If you’ve ever played a video game in your life, you at least know of pong.  Maybe you haven’t played it, but you’ve heard of it.  You know it was the first successful game that basically launched a now billion dollar a year, world-wide industry.  Anyways, there are pong consoles out there (quite a few of them, actually), there are cartridges for the Atari consoles, there was a Dreamcast game released called “Atari 25th Anniversary Edition” which has pong on it, I’m sure you can find it online, or if you want to keep it cheap and old school, you should get yourself one of these:

I found one of these plug n’ play things at a yard sale for, I crap you not, a quarter.  It had batteries in it and everything.  It’s great, plug it into the tv, flip the switch, and you have 12 classic Atari games right there for you, and the controller looks, and even feels like the classic, recognizable Atari 2600 joysticks.  Like I said, it has 12 games.  Pong being one, and another being…

#6.  Breakout  (It varies)

Sometimes referred to as “Pong’s retarded little sideways cousin”, breakout too is an enjoyable game that requires minimal physical effort.  It’s very frustrating though.  You see, for those of you who haven’t played this game, you control that little red bar at the bottom.  You can move side to side.  The object is to make that ball bounce up to the top and clear a path so that it can reach the top and “Breakout”… of the… screen?  I guess?  Keep in mind this game came out in the late 1970’s, we had to use a lot of imagination to supplement graphics and plots and stuff, back then.

#4.  Galaga  (It varies)

Now we’re getting into some of the serious games.  Galaga has been a personal favorite of mine for over 20 years.  My cousin had it on NES while I was growing up, so I’d play all the time at her house.  If your dominant arm is broken (we’ll assume it’s your right arm, because the majority of the population is right handed), all you need to be able to do is press a button with it.  So if you can play “Hold the Button” with no discomfort, you can play this game.  Also, this game has been ported to many, many different consoles.  I see the game “Namco Museum” around a lot at the flea markets, and on eBay/Amazon.  That game is great, it has 5 classic games, one of them being Galaga, and it’ll only cost you somewhere around $5.  That game is even a cartridge for the Game Boy Advanced/Game Boy Advanced SP.  I bought 2 for $5 in that case.  Either way, in the game you use the joystick, or D-pad, or whatever with your left hand, and your right hand is just in charge of hitting one button.  ONE, button.  Just the fire button, there is no jump, there is no “move faster/run”, just fire.  That’s all you need to do.

#3.  World of Warcraft  (PC/Online)

As much as it pains me to say this; sometimes.. SOMETIMES, WoW is a good game.  If your arm is in a cast, you can definitely get some good video gaming in, and again, it requires only the most minimum amount of physical effort.  I am not a fan of this game, I have played it only a few times, and never have I ever had my own account.  But I do have a little brother.  That’s right, A1C Dotson, or my baby brother, Jay breaks the mold when it comes to WoW players.  Remember the South Park Episode of WoW?  Remember the “master player” that all the kids had to beat in order to play the game?  That’s a stereotype, and kind of a mean one at that.  But most stereotypes are rooted in truth, and in this case, it is (I’ve witnessed it first hand).  Jeremy Dotson is the exception to the rule that all WoW nerds are fat, awkward, and overall weird.  And like I said, this game is nice if your arm is in a cast.  Just don’t get too addicted.

#2.  Starcraft  (PC)

I think we all know and love this game.  Well, at least we all know this game.  Perfect if one or more of your extremities are stuck in a cast.  I liked playing this one, actually.  I haven’t played it much as of late, but it will always hold a special place in my heart.  This is another one my baby brother turned me onto, and is one of the first Christmas presents he bought me with his own money.  He was 9, I think?  It was a sweet gesture, and it gave us some time to play a game together that we both enjoyed.  It has a simplistic basis, and I’m sure playing on career/campaign, 1 player, you can zip through the levels pretty quickly.  The real challenge comes when you play against the other people.  And God help you if you sign onto a Korean or Japanese server, those people are wicked at this game.  Which brings me to…

The Winner, #1.  Starcraft II (PC/Online)

And here it is, the big mamma-jamma of RPG’s, Starcraft II.  It is light-years ahead of Starcraft 1, which isn’t a bad game, even now, 10+ years later.  This game is to RPS’s what Call of Duty Black Ops is FPS’s.  It is what Mario is to Luigi, it is what lasagna is to Garfield, it is what Halo 1 is to me.  It is the epitome of a great game you can play while having to sit around the house because your leg is in a cast.  Or arm.. or whatever.  Just a side note: there was an honorary holiday in Korea on the day this game was released because all the companies knew they would be hitting record numbers of people calling in sick.  That many Korean people can’t be wrong. Source.
Sorry about the arm,

The Jester.

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