Archive for the Modern Category

A thank you letter, long overdue.

Posted in 'Merica, America, Christmas, Freedom, Holidays, Jeremy Dotson, Local, Modern, Patriotism, Soldiers, U.S. Military, Uncategorized, USAF with tags , , , on August 15, 2014 by Divide By Zero

I wrote this letter probably 2 years ago, and it seems more appropriate than ever to post it now, what with all the turmoil over in Israel and with all the crap about missing planes.  I don’t agree with some of it, and other parts of what’s going on I’ll admit I know nothing about.  But I do have friends/family friends/relatives in the military and they don’t deserve the flack they get for following orders.  Anyways, here it is:

 

There are millions of letters out there addressed to our soldiers.  And for some reason, I feel the need to add one more.  I want to make sure that we all understand, that even if you don’t support the cause, support our troops.

This letter is for our military; past, future,

A while ago, I read on my brother’s [USAF A1C] facebook page a quote that I can’t forget.  It read “Land of the free, because of the brave.”  That quote could not have summed everything about this country up more perfectly.  I admire our military men/women, and only wish I had the honor.. to do what they do each and every day.  Thank you.

This letter goes out to every soldier who has spent a holiday or birthday away from home.  It goes out to those who have gone overseas for Uncle Sam; for those who have seen the look in their childrens eyes when they leave.  And for the gleam in those same childrens eyes when the soldiers return.

This letter is for the Marines who keep a picture of their loved ones in a pocket close to their heart, and wonder if they’ll ever see them again every time they clean their weapon.  For the Airmen, Seamen, and Army personnell who have a brother, a sister, a mother and father.

This letter is for the soldiers who caught Osama.  For the ones who caught Sadam.  The ones who insured our freedom, once again.  This is also for the ones who were there giving back-up.  I don’t care if you were loading things on a ship, or fuelling up a jet, I thank you.  No wait a second.  WE- The United States- thank you.

This letter is for the batallion that moved in yesterday. The one no one has heard from.  We don’t know whether they will live or die.  We thank you.

This is for the sniper who is waiting on the hilltop.  It’s been a week since he’s had any food or water.  He’s staying his post, “just doing his job”.  We thank you.

This is for any veteran who has come back from war and been denied a job, or a check, or a place to live, or a thank you.  We thank you.

This is for any damn veteran who has lost a limb, or a piece of their spirit, or a part of their mind somewhere outside of the United States, in order to protect it.  Thank you.

This is for the brotherhood, the comraderie, and the overall greatness that makes our military what it is.   It’s also for [and I’m quoting/paraphrasing from someone else here] everyone who has written a check out to the People of the United States of America for the amount of “..Up to/including my life.”  Sincerely.  From the deepest, most patriotic part of my heart.  Thank you.  God Bless You, and we wouldn’t survive without you.  You soldiers are the blood running through this countrys body.

And to anyone brave enough to go to Boot Camp, Basic Training, or whatever else, sign your life over – for however long – to the government, and say “Whatever you got, bring it on!”

But most of all, this letter is for the families of those soldiers, for letting them go out there and fight for us.  We thank you, too.

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Followup to my Craigslist Post

Posted in Craigslist, Downtown Bristol, Local, Modern, PS2, PS3, Video Game on April 12, 2011 by Divide By Zero

I apologize for not posting articles in a timely manner as I should have been doing.  But I am not skipping any, I am sticking to the schedule I had made up months ago.  Except for this article, I changes what it was going to be.  A number of weeks ago, I posted an article complaining about people who are trying to rip other people off on craigslist.  I didn’t think I’d have a lot of responses to it, but people in my area (and across the nation) have been flooding my inbox with complaints about my.. complaint.  I think it’s because I sometimes promote my blog on the local news pages of Craigslis *snicker*, as well as have it featured on tricities.com.  So everyone out there in my locale who is a craigslist user can read it.  Let’s see what they had to say:

“ur such a whiney complainey moron! i hope you were one of the people from clist that i ripped off in kingsport!” ~Mandy from Johnson City

Well, Mandy.. where do I begin?  I wasn’t whining, at least if I were I’d be able to spell the word “whiny” when describing myself.  And I wouldn’t have to make up words like “complainey”, then I’d be a moron.  And notice how she says: “one of the people…I ripped off”.  So she was definitely one of the people I was trying to lecture to in my last post.  Who’s next?

“why are you such a b**** dude? its just ppl trying to make a buck.” ~Dave from Asheville

I agree, dude.  But buyer beware, I think that if people were more interested and knowledgeable of the value of what they’re trying to acquire was, then stuff like this wouldn’t happen.  That was one of my intentions of writing my post (hereafter referred to as The Letter), to bring awareness.

“But I have over 55 games that im seling with my ps2, that makes it worth at least $150 moer!” ~Toad from Abingdon

Negative, Ghost Rider.  Head to GameStop and see how much they give you for your “over 55 games” (read: 56 games).  You would be extremely lucky to walk out of there with 60 extra dollars, depending on your collection.  Asking more than double that is just stupid.  Like your face.

“just bc u’ve been burned b4 on the clist doesnt mean ereyone is gettin burned” ~Byrne from Johnson City

How do you use an apostrophe in (not even really) a word like “u’ve” but you don’t in “doesn’t”.  Come on man, step your grammar and punctuation up.  And this is the second time people have called it “the clist”.  What is a clist?  Do you want to slang the word “Craigslist”?  Then there has to be a hyphen in there.  The C-List.  I can see that.  But poor rhetoric aside, Mr. Byrne does have a point.  Just because one person gets burned, doesn’t mean everyone is out to burn someone (Mandy).  I am fortunate enough to not have been burned on Craigslist yet.  Although, I have only made one purchase off of it.

“u need to kwit wit all dis bull**** man what give u da rite to preach like you now sumthin? i do all my business on craig list and i nevur rip no bady off” ~Phil from Damascus

Don’t send your kids to school in Damascus.

All I was trying to say to everyone is that their old video games are not worth what they think they are.  There’s no way you’re going to trade an original XBox for a PS3, even if you have all the games and extras ever made for it.  If you do, give me that persons contact info, I have a few XBox’s I’m trying to get rid of.

There are many many more e-mails I could post up here, but I don’t see any point in it.  I really wasn’t trying to stir the pot of the online Craigslist community.  Just seriously think about a trade, or a purchase before you buy from someone online.  I know it’s been said about a trillion times.  It should be common sense by now, but still people get tricked into every kind of scam.  It saddens me a little bit.

Stay tuned for next week’s Outback Chronicles!

The Jester.

Top 10 Tuesdays 16: T.V Shows

Posted in Modern, T.V. shows, Top 10 Tuesdays on April 12, 2011 by Divide By Zero

If You’re like me, there’s nothing better than coming home from work, getting a hot shower, something good to eat, kicking your feet up, and flipping on the tube just in time for your favorite shows to come on.  There are a million different T.V. shows out there, but I’m going to count down my favorite 10 non-animated T.V. shows.  Your list may differ a little bit, but when your blog grows up big and strong like mine, you can go ahead and write your own list.

#10.  Breaking Bad


This show is just awesome.  Malcom in the Middle’s dad and some other little punk kid start making a ton of bank by cooking crystal meth.  There are all kinds of twists and turns, and it just shows you what a slippery slope dealing drugs is.  There are all kinds of close calls, and it doesn’t help that the main guy’s brother-in-law is a head honcho in the DEA.  It’s full of drama, and 95% of the time will keep you on the edge of your seat.  Give it a watch.

#9.  Pawn Stars


I absolutely love, love, love the History Channel.  Before you can say anything to the effect of “But Jester, this isn’t a real history show!” let me explain something.  Yes, there are a lot of documentaries on the History Channel that I watch.  The rise and fall of the Roman Empire, Nazi Secrets and the Occult, anything on the Civil War or WWI always catch my interest.  But rarely do they have a series of documentaries that will catch (and hold) my interest.  Pawn Stars is a break from all of that, which has entertaining characters and scenarios, and also offers a little bit of history of its own.  I know this isn’t your average pawn shop.  I grew up in Northern Virginia, and there were pawn shops a plenty.  There was one man who lived across the street from one of my best friends at the time who owned 3 pawn shops.  This man had more awesome cars than he knew what to do with.  He had 2 Shelby Cobras that he competitively raced, an old mustang that had toeasily be worth 100 grand, I saw a few Corvettes (new and vintage) in his driveway a time or two, and I’m pretty sure there was a yellow Ferrari there for a little while.  So the pawn business must have been pretty good to him.  But I’ve been inside 2 of his shops, and it was mostly used electronics, jewelry, archery bows, and modern pistols and hunting rifles.  He had a small section of car stereos and heavy duty tools, but there wasn’t much more than that.  The Pawn Stars make me want to go to Vegas and buy something out of their shop just to say I’ve been there.  Also, I like the idea of becoming a celebrity (however small) over your own family business, it’s a great sign of success.  Another perfect example of that is American Choppers.  Anyways, I love this show because the information you learn about each individual piece that comes into the shop.  Did you know that Evil Kinevel’s first motorcycle was a Harley that he stole when he was 13?  Pawn Stars taught me that.

#8.  House


I used to love watching medical dramas with my father.  I’d wake up at all hours of the afternoon and he’d be watching Forensic Files, Dr. G: Medical Examiner, or anything on Discovery Health.  I turned my dad onto watching House and he made it a point to start watching that show whenever it came on.  He loved it, so maybe this one is more of a comfort blanket for me.  In either case though, the cast is awesome, the plot is very detailed and finely tuned, and the characters are very vivid with a detailed past that shines through in every episode.  It’s rare to have all of that in one show.  PLUS(!) they play marathons of house on USA every week or so (at least a couple of times a month).  A very enjoyable show with just enough comic relief to call itself a drama without it being solely run on the Lifetime Network.

#7.  Everybody Loves Raymond

Some people might say this show is overplayed, old, stale, or lifeless.  I say the exact opposite.  I am a little biased though, because this was my fathers favorite show.  he never missed an episode, even if it came on Nick at Nite at 3am.  That’s how much he loved it.  So this is definitely a safety blanket for me, I feel closer to him whenever I watch an episode.  I don’t think I have to explain the synopsis or characters to anyone out there because I’m pretty sure everyone in the world has seen at least one episode.  But here goes anyways: it portrays a borderline dysfunctional family with original characters and an amazing cast.  Seriously, have you seen Peter Boyle alongside Gene Wilder in the old black and white movie Young frankenstein?  Have you read the cookbook/partial autobiography written by Doris Roberts entitled Are you hungry, Dear?  The cast is amazing and those two people are very accurate in portraying the stereotypical “crazy parents” that you’re always embarrassed of growing up.  You know the kind, the parents you don’t want your friends to meet because “they’re just so weeeeeird”.  It’s great.

#6.  Two and a Half Men

I like this show because it’s kind of like watching a PG version of Charlie Sheen be himself.  And who doesn’t really want to see what one of the biggest non-rockstar party animals of our generation is like?  The mom is hilarious, as is the neurotic brother, Alan.  Here’s a little known fact, Jon Cryer played a really weird character (I believe it was the son of Lex Luthor) in the movie Superman IV.  He also won an Emmy over Neil Patrick Harris’ performance in How I Met Your Mother, so he must be doing something right.  The only complaint I have for this show is that the little kid playing Jake has progressively gotten less and less funny as he’s gotten older.  I know for this show, everyone involved has been at the mercy of Charlie Sheens personal life and reputation, and I hope for the shows sake that they find a replacement for Sheen and let everyone keep their job.

#5.  Scrubs

Here’s another show that everyone says is overplayed.  But I think it was hilarious from the first season, to the last.  It sucks that it was canceled.. twice for that matter.  But it truly was an entertaining show.  It launched Zach Braffs career as an actor, director, and if I’m not mistaken, as a writer.  It made Donald Faison (the black guy) known for something more than the movie Clueless.  It also made a lot of guys develop a TV crush on Sarah Chalke, the multi-talented, multi-lingual, and mega-hott actress.  Here’s something interesting, Neill Flynn, the Janitor is a Bradley University Alumni.  Bradley is where I spent my first 3 years of college.  A very enjoyable show, and worth multiple viewings.  It also inspired a spin-off where they got almost the entire cast back together and it was called: Scrubs Med School.  I think that ultimately turned out to be a flop though.

POST SCRIPT: My apologies.  Scrubs Med School was the unofficial title of the ninth and final season of scrubs, it was not a spin-off.

#4.  Frasier

This is my favorite and undoubtedly the most popular spin-off of Cheers.  It was definitely the most successful.  I believe this is the oldest show on my list, and is only one of 3 that is solely in syndication.  I just love the way Kelsey Grammer is hilariously pompus, and his voice makes his on screen radio personality eerily believable.  I also love the back and forth Frasier has with his brother Niles, and his housekeeper Daphne (who is now on Hot in Cleveland with Betty White).  My favorite character of all though has got to be John Mahoney as the father of Frasier and Niles, Marty Crane.  The casting for this show was nothing less than outstanding.  If you’ve never watched an episode, watch one.  I’d be willing to wager that it will soon become one of your guilty pleasures, as it has mine.

#3.  The Big Bang Theory

This is the modern day Frasier for a younger audience.  Each one of the main 4 guys does an outstanding job at their role.  All of them, at least once an episode, but usually more, get a really big laugh in with a quotable quote.  Overall it is very enjoyable and I can’t wait for it to come on every Thursday night!

#2.  It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

This show is truly a rags to riches story.  All of the main characters are the creators of the show.  None of them had any previous Hollywood experience and now the show is in its 6th or 7th season!  And the main guys (Mac, Charlie and Dennis) are writers, producers, and directors.  Not to mention they star in their own show.  Hilarity ensues with everything they do.  It’s a little crude or raunchy, and it’s really not for everyone, but I can’t get enough of it.  It’s definitely not for the whole family, so don’t go inviting your mom to watch the DVDs with you.  And it’s perfect because the guys have really short attention spans, can’t stay focused on anything for very long, and everything they do starts out with good intentions but ends up in a horrible mess.  Life is a slippery slope, and this show puts the exclamation point at the end of that statement.

The Winner, and #1.  How I Met Your mother

This show is truly enjoyable from the pilot episode all the way up until the most recent one.  I had never watched this show, but was strolling through best buy one day and bought the first season of it on DVD because it was on sale for very cheap.  After that, I had to get every season the day it came out.  This is a show you can watch with your mom, or brother, or anyone really.  There are some awesome jokes, and running gags, as well as different subplots in each episode that tie in with something that happened in a previous season.  The producers and directors do a fantastic job of bringing everything full circle in a timely manner.  The main characters name is Ted, but Neil Patrick Harris’ role of Barney steals the show.  Every.  Time!  did you know he got that role because of his appearance in Harold and Kumar go to White Castle?  That’s how it happened.

See you on the couch from 8-10 most weeknights.

The Jester.

 

*All images are property of their respective owners and may be subject to copyright laws.  All images obtained through Google Image Search.*

Nerdy Monday 22: EuroTrip (2004)

Posted in 2000's, Alcohol Involved, Modern, movies, Nerdy Monday on April 6, 2011 by Divide By Zero

Did you finish your homework?  I hope you did, otherwise I’m about to make a bunch of really funny things, less funny by telling them to you second-hand.  It is my conjecture that EuroTrip, which I will [obviously] get more into detail about, in a minute, might be the funniest movie… possibly of all time.  Here are 12 reasons why:

#12.  Burt, the younger brother.


Ever at the ready with his video camera, or the record button, this weirdly funny little brat has quips at the right moments, witty remarks, and just the right combination of cockyness/intelligence/attitude to make him one of the most underrated characters of all time.  I think he had less than 5 minutes of actual screen time, and there weren’t even any cut scenes with him in the bonus features of my DVD.  BUT[!]  if it weren’t for that little bastard going through his big brother –Scotty’s– e-mail, there would have been no reason for the whole movie to happen.  Burt is the one who pointed out to Scotty that his German pen-pal was actually female.. and a very attractive one at that.  Thus; no Burt, no movie.  It’s sad in a way, really.

11.  Matt Damon as an extra

Matt Damon, the only A-lister to be in this movie, and he gets about 30 seconds of screen time total.  It’s pretty cool to see all these other talented yet unknown actors upstage Good Will Hunting.  Mr. Damon plays sort of a pivotal role in the film as he is credited with being the guy Scotty’s girlfriend (pictured above with Damon) cheated on him with.  I don’t know why Scotty, the main character got so upset.  There are tons of girls out there that qould leave their boyfriend/fiance/husband/baby’s daddy for Matt Damon.  Damon also is credited (on screen) with coming up with one of the jokes that carries throughout the entire movie, which is…

10.  Scotty Doesn’t Know (song title)

I should mention here that when this movie was brand new, before iTunes was popular or anything, I went out and bought the entire soundtrack to this movie on CD.  It was just that good.  But there is one catch to that, the song Scotty Doesn’t Know was by far the most popular song on there, and everyone in my high-school knew all the words to it.  It would play at parties, school events, study-sessions, or any other place that warranted music in the background.  It was (and is) just an awesome song that is very, very catchy.  Whoever wrote that for the movie deserves a Grammy.  Or an Oscar for best music in the history of ever.

9.  “Mike”

She’s really the entire reason for the movie altogether.  Her name is pronounced “Mee-Kah”.  Not Mike.  Even though it’s spelled “Mike”.  Man, Germans are weird.  The only disturbing part of her is that there is an incestuous reference between her and her cousin Jan–That’s a guys name–at one point, but it ends up being a day-nightmare (daymare?) imagined by Scotty while he’s on his way to see her.  I didn’t catch that until about the 14th time I watched it, and I wish I never had realized it.
8.  The Hitler Boy

I can’t even explain this one to you.  Supposedly this is Mike’s little brother, and he’s in the background doing… Hitler stuff.  Hilarious.  Let’s watch!

Everything they were talking about in that scene had everything to do with the plot, but no one in the movie theatre I saw this movie at heard it… we were all too busy laughing so hard we were crying.  Good stuff.

7.  The Infamous Robot Fight

I’m pretty sure for most of the people out there reading this, if you hadn’t seen the movie, you’ve already seen this scene.  It’s been floating around Youtube since Youtube was invented.  I know I’ve received it in a few chain e-mails.  But it’s worth multiple viewings:

Best.  Robot.  Fight scene.  EVER!!!!1

6.  Michelle Trachtenberg

Remember her?

Some of the younger kids out there solely know her from this movie.  Others remember her when she starred alongside Rosie O’Donnell in the Nickelodeon film Harriet the Spy. That’s right, she was Harriet, and she was a spy.  She was also Nona F. Mecklenberg in the insanely popular Nickelodeon kids show The Adventures of Pete & Pete. Side note: she’s hott.  She’s funny, she’s pretty, and she does a great job in this movie.  Not to mention she is one of the reasons why everything gets wrapped up by the end of it, ensuring us that we won’t be disappointed by a sequel to this awesomtacular movie.  That’s right, I had to make up a word to describe it.

5.  The Creepy Foreign guy on the Train.

That guy, to me, is more terrifying than any of the foreign dudes in the Hostel movies.  I would hate to be touched the way he touches people.  It makes my skin crawl.  None the less, he played a randomly funny role in EuroTrip.  Just when you think there are no more hi-jinks or shenanigans that can happen to this rag-tag bunch of American travelers.  One of them almost gets molested on the train in every tunnel they go through.  By this guy.  Look at him.  That’s a rapists mustache if I’ve ever seen one.

4.  “Worst Twins Ever”.

Another running joke in this movie is the fact that these twins don’t know a whole lot about each other, are completely different, and just overall… are the worst twins ever.  At the beginning of the movie, they’re all at a graduation party, and the guy (Jamie) get’s the girl (Jenny) a Gin & Tonic.  To which Jenny replies: “Why did you get me a Gin & Tonic?  I hate gin.”  A few other things happen throughout the movie, and they end up getting drunk at a bar towards the end and making out with one another by mistake.  Worst twins ever?  I’d say they’re high in the running for it.

3.  The David Hasselhoff Cameo.

For some reason, David Hasselhoff is famous all over the world for more than just Baywatch and Knight Rider.  Did you know that he has more than 5,000 hours of screen time for his entire career?  That’s ridiculous.  Also, the Germans especially love him for his musical ability.  And randomly, as Scotty is daydreaming about his German pen-pal Mike, a German song appears in his fantasy.  And it’s sung by The Hoff.  Look at the picture, that’s him in the upper right hand corner, in the little thought bubble.  Is there nothing that man can’t do?

2.  Club Vandersexxxxxx.

There’s really nothing I can say about this scene.  You just have to watch it, and as much as I’d like to put the clip up here on my site, I think it’s a little more risque than what I want to have associated with this site.  Get the movie, rent it if you have to, or netflix it, either way you won’t be disappointed when this scene rolls around.  Also, Lucy Lawless plays the Madam of a brothel.  For the younger readers out there, she was Xena: Warrior Princess.

1.  Vinnie Jones!

People overseas will know this man.  Most Americans don’t.  Let me show you:

...Would YOU mess with him?

Most Americans know him as the main “soccer hooligan” from EuroTrip, or the skinhead from Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, or the skinhead from Snatch, or the British guy from any of a number of movies.  But I want everyone to know that before he was an actor, he was a futbol player.  Exhibit Awesome:

I could write an entire post on just this one picture.  There’s Vinnie Jones, about to insert a flying kick straight to the other guys face the moment he lands.  This is also a charity game by the way.  Read that again.  This is a CHARITY game, and Mr. Jones up there is playing for keeps!  A friend of mine who is a former Londoner, told me that Vinnie Jones used to work for the British Underground [Similar to the Mafia in America].  He actually helped re-write the scripts to the movies he was in.  Remember when he was slamming that one fat guys head in a car door?  He’s done it for real.  My friend told me also, that there was an interview on TV a few years back of another player in the national futbol league.  During which, he explained that the most intimidating player in the entire league was our own Vinnie Jones.  During the interview he said the first time he had ever met Mr. Jones, his team was about to do a corner kick, and Vinnie faced him and said: “If you even move towards that futbol, I will break your fucking legs.”  So the guy…. quite obviously…. turned into a statue, and went on to further explain: “If he told me to pick it up and put it in my own net, I would have!”  This dude rocks.  He rocks at life, and he rocks at movies, especially this movie.  He is also another reason why EuroTrip gets all wrapped up at the end.  You have to just watch it.  Just go ahead and watch it if you haven’t already!  Haven’t I given you enough reasons to?

 

See you anywhere but pissing off Vinnie Jones.

The Jester.

My Open Letter to Craigslist Users

Posted in Craigslist, Downtown Bristol, Local, Modern on March 8, 2011 by Divide By Zero

This isn’t going to be about the creepy predators or anything like that.  And I’m sure it’s going on around the web, not just locally.. but I’ve dealt locally with Craigslist users and most of the time I end up bailing out on the deal 3 e-mails into the negotiations.

Specifically the video games section of the Tri-Cities Craigslist sellers.  This goes out to all of you:

No one is going to buy your Nintendo DS for $150 when the PSP just dropped to $129.99 (or even $128.77 at wal-mart).

No one is going to trade you their Wii for a PS2, or an Original XBox.. I don’t care how many games you have with them.

Seriously, you need to go to GameStop, and see how much they would give you for your games.. you’re not going to get much more for your 10 year old games than what they have to offer.. unless it’s a really rare game.

Trading a PS3 for an XBox 360, I can see.. that makes sense.  Trading your “PS2 EXCELENT [sic] COND. WITH OEVR [sic] 60 GAMES 4 CONTROLER [sic] PLUS XTRAS! [sic] WTT FOR XBOX 360 OR PS3” <– are you kidding me, guy from Kingsport?  First of all you can’t spell, so you have to lay off the video games for a bit anyways.  Second of all.. go to GameStop, look at how much you’re going to get for all of that.. $75.00 if you’re lucky?  And 360s/PS3s retail for between $150-$225 (read: 2 or 3 times what your crap is worth).  Really?  You know better than that.

Just because your games are “BRAND NEW” or “SLIGHTLY USED” they are not new.  Even if they are still wrapped in plastic, they are used.  Example: you buy a new car, and drive it off the lot and try to sell it online as “new” just because you bought it new, and you didn’t take the paper covers off the floor mats… are you going to get what you paid for it?  No.  Same thing with your video games.

Seriously, don’t try to take advantage of other people.  Quit trying to rip them off.  Video games are supposed to be fun.. don’t take that away from people!  I thought that living in the Tri-Cities, a more tightly-knit, friendlier community people wouldn’t do this to each other.  Let’s stop the craziness and be a little more non-rippy-offy to each other.

The Jester.

Nerdy Monday 21: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

Posted in 1980's, 2000's, Modern, movies, Nerdy Monday, Robots, Transformers on March 8, 2011 by Divide By Zero

Ok, so there are some (or a lot) of people out there that don’t enjoy Michael Bay’s sequel to his own Transformers installment.  I don’t understand why!

Have you seen it? It was only, awesome.

I don’t know why people have become so jaded by watching movies.  This film not only brought back a lot of the elements set up in the first film, grazed upon some of the characteristics of the old T.V. show/comic books, but added to the storyline.  The same way Batman Begins added to the Batman storyline.

It’s easy to point out the bad things about a film that changes what we know and love from our childhood, but let’s look at some of the good things:

  • Devistator.  The ginormous Constructicon (that’s nerd lingo for more than one Transformer combining to make one Autonomous Robot) at the end of the movie built on the old Constructicons.  Back in the 1980’s it blew our mind when there were 2 trucks, or a truck and a helicopter or 2 of whatever transformed to combine one big robot.  Remember that on Saturday mornings?  TWO OF THEM!?  WHAAAAAAT????!!1 *KABLOOEY* that’s when our heads exploded all over the T.V. screen.  And Devistator… what were there about a dozen (?) or so different pieces of construction equipment that formed him?  People thought that was “too unrealistic” to be in the movie.  Are.  You.  Serious?  Like Optimus Prime doing his thing is really going to happen, but Devistator… that’s WAY too far fetched.  Dorks.

It took a team of Cal Tech doctors and one surgeon on acid to engineer this toy.

  • Soundwave.  How awesome did he look when he was connecting to that satellite in outer-freakin’-space?!  The only complaint I have about Soundwave is that I don’t think he got enough screen time.  But the point is Soundwave used to be a cassette recorder.. now he’s hooking into government satellites and intercepting intel from all over the world.  That’s something new and fresh that probably wasn’t even conceivable back when we were watching Ravage come out of Soundwave’s chest as a cassette tape.  C’mon now!

Definitely not what we grew up with.

  • Sector 7.  I’m not sure about this one, but I’m pretty sure that Secotr 7 made it’s debut in Transformers (2007).  John Turturro’s character as one of the S7 agents was a little eccentric and was the main source of comic relief in that movie.  I am very glad that his character was brough back in Revenge of the Fallen (ROTF).  I know a lot of people were disappointed at that, but why?  He gave a lot of relevant information to the plot AND added the some comic relief to ROTF.  I’ve even heard rumors that Michael Bay has done away with this character.  A big pee-soaked thank you goes out to all of you fair weather Transformers fans who have nothing to do but complain.  You non-appreciative disappointment-bags!

He means business. Funny business.

  • Sam Witwicky containing all the knowledge of the All Spark.  In all my extensive research (read: about 5 minutes of Googling) I haven’t come across this happening before ROTF.  I think it was a cool twist.  A lot of people didn’t agree with this concept, but think about how much sense it makes.  Anyone who has had a high school science class SHOULD know that energy can never be created nor destroyed, it can only change forms.  Since the All Spark is “pure energy” as mentioned countless times throughout all forms of the Transformers, it can’t be destroyed, right?  Therefore, since Sam had so much physical contact with the All Spark in the 2007 movie.. as well as being the one that pushed it into Megatron’s chest to “destroy” it… the energy contained really had nowhere else to go but into Sam.  Not so far fetched now, is it, critics?

This kid holds all the information and energy of the universe. He looks like it, doesn't he?

Those are the main arguments I’ve read on the internet and heard from other movie goers.  There are dozens more, but I really don’t have the energy to go through everything.. this article would be 50 pages long.

The bottom line is that Transformers (2007) was a huge accomplishment in the Transformers Franchise.  Therefore ROTF had some pretty big shoes to fill.  I’m not saying that ROTF was better than the 2007 movie.  Nor am I saying it was better than the old show, or the comics.  But I tell you what, it wasn’t WORSE!  And with all of that “disappointment” ROTF was surrounded by, let’s look at the other movies that came out the same month ROTF was released:

  • Land of the Lost
  • My Life in Ruins
  • Tennessee
  • Imagine That
  • The Taking of Pelham 123
  • The Proposal
  • Year One
  • My Sister’s Keeper

Is anyone talking about those movies anymore?  Look on your DVD shelf, do you own any of these movies?  Who was even IN those movies?  Of all the movies on that list, I’ve only seen one.  One single movie: Pelham 123.  It was okay.  It didn’t hold a candle to “Michael Bay’s excretion called ‘ROTF'” though.

All in all, I can’t wait for the next installment to be released.  I can’t wait to see what else Michael Bay’s Transformers franchise adds to the storyline.

Quit whining about all the things that “don’t add up” in a movie, and appreciate it for what it is.

Pictured: most of the people complaining about ROTF.

See you at the concession stand.

The Jester.

 

*All images are property of their respective owners and may be subject to copyright laws.  All images obtained through Google Image Search.*

Top 10 Tuesdays 14: For Them Sick People Out There

Posted in 1980's, 1990's, 2000's, Dreamcast (Long Live the...!), Modern, N64, NES, PS2, Retro, Top 10 Tuesdays, Transformers on February 25, 2011 by Divide By Zero

It’s that time of year again.  Everyone at my day job either has been or is now sick.  Same thing goes for the people at my night job, my weekend job, everyone I tutor, and everyone I meet.  Except for me, of course.  My immune system is one of the parts of my body that is actually more awesome than I am.

Therefore, I have taken it upon myself to give you some suggestions as to how to spend the time off you’re inevitably going to take at the slightest tickle in your throat.  Therefore, let’s get right down to brass tax with:

The Top 10 Video Games To Play When You’re Sick

#10.  Virtua Cop  (Sega Saturn)


You’re already in a crappy mood.  You may as well try and play a crappy game on a crappy system.  Playing this game with a normal controller is horrible, and I’m guessing playing with a light gun controller isn’t very much better.  And finding a plot in this game is harder than finding a pulse a palm tree.  But it’s worth checking out.  And I think I got my copy for $1.00 including shipping.

#9.  Bubsy II  (Sega Genesis)


This is a silly, childish, “feel-good” kind of game that most people would consider a “kiddy-game” but it’s still awesome.  I could go on for pages and pages about all the different quirky little things involved with this game that are enjoyable.  But I don’t have time, because this is just a top 10 list.  Consider this one chicken soup for your video game itch.

#8.  Aladdin  (Sega Genesis)


My mom used to really get into this game, so i don’t know how well this one will work for everyone, but for me it’s a comfort game.  So if you miss your mommy, or she isn’t there for one reason or another, to take care of you, this is the game to play.

#7.  Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen  (PS2)


There is never a bad time to play this game.  Optimus Prime’s butt-kicking ability mixed with the other characters special moves that you get to play will have you feeling like you can take on the world again in no time!  Definitely worth checking out.. I think I paid about $6.00 for my copy, and it is well worth the investment!

#6.  Mario 64  (N64)


This is a great overall game that used to take weeks out of our respective schedules to beat.  Now you can get it done if you can manage to get 2, possibly 3 days off from work/school.  Plus it’s good to play this game to the point where you can beat it, if only to have it under your belt.

#5.  Speed Devils  (DC)


You can definitely beat this game if you aren’t sick enough to get more than one day off.  There’s a glitch you can use that will help you out.  The most expensive car is $200,000.  The one next to it in the showroom is $20,000.  Once you save up the 20 grand, look at the car that you can afford with it, then if you switch to the $200,000 car (I think it’s called the Mystere) and hit “A” to purchase it as quickly as possible before the new price shows up on the screen.  If you do it correctly, you buy the $200,000 car for 1/10th the price.  It’s also the fastest car that will ensure you win every race.  Check it out.  With or without the glitch it’s a fun and enjoyable game to play.  I think the Dreamcast in general is that way, and they all are very cheap, and as I’ve mentioned before, the games are practically free.  So considering what you pay for ir, the Dreamcast will probably give any collector the most bang for their buck.

#4.  Kid Chameleon  (Sega Genesis)


This is a really great game.  I think it’s one of the hidden gems in the Sega library.  It’s kind of tricky, and just a little bit weird.  I forget what the plot is, but there is one there.  They call him Kid Chameleon because you can run around and get different suits that change you into different things.  There’s one that turns you into Jason (from the Friday the 13th  movie franchise), there’s a Samurai suit, and my favorite (which you don’t get until about the 6th level) suit that turns you into a tank.  There’s 35 (?) I think different suits in all and there are about 5 different suits in each level.  It’s fun running around and just seeing what the suits can do.  It’s even more fun finding your favorite one and dominating the entire game with it!  It’s an average of $4.00 on eBay, or you can get it for the Nintendo Wii’s Virtual Console for 500 points (or $5.00).

#3.  Cubivore  (Game Cube)


I don’t know where to start with this one.  It’s cute, it’s crafty, it’s enjoyable, and it’s just great.  It’s easy to slip into a game like this and find yourself in a trance, trying to get farther and farther into it.  Look at this video, it’s long but it’ll give you a good feel for the game:

Great, right?  It’s a little different, and you can tell that this is not a cookie-cutter game.  That’s why I like it so much!  For just about every popular or trendy game out there you can name, I can retort with at least 10 games that are at least 90% the same.  How many games have you played like Cubivore?  One… and that’s only if you’ve played Cubivore.  It’s worth checking out, and it’s colorful, and a little complex.  At the very least, it’ll make your NyQuil trip pretty interesting.

#2.  Virtual Hydlyde  (Sega Saturn)


This game is friggin’ weird.  It’s perfect for playing while you’re under the weather.  It’s impossible to get bored with.  The map is randomly generated, and it’s so terrible it’s great.  It’s also so great it’s terrible.  You can Youtube some of the game play on this game.. but I won’t dare link it onto this article.  I have not only a moral, but an ethical problem with that.  It’s unspeakably horrible.  Playing this game while you’re ill will be best if you take lots of breaks to puke.  …because you’re sick.  Oh and because the game sucks too.

#1.  Dr. Mario  (NES)


This is a classic, simple, easy, feel-good game.  It’s not considered a “true Mario” game because there are no pipes, no raccoon tails, no fire flowers, no koopas, and no goombas.  It’s a tetris-esque knock off with Mario thrown in to boost the sales numbers.  It’s very worth it, and the best part is it’s beatable even if you’re sick as a dog.

There’s my rundown of how you should spend your sick time.  Anything else is a waste of time.  So instead of heading to the pharmacy aisle of your local grocery store, head to gamestop instead.

See you there.

The Jester.

*All images and videos are property of their respective owners and may be subject to copyright laws.  All images obtained through Google image search. All videos obtained through Youtube search.*